


Huniepop Studios

by Lemonade_Stand_Owner



Category: HuniePop (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Sexy Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:45:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 74,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9261455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonade_Stand_Owner/pseuds/Lemonade_Stand_Owner
Summary: Tommy Lennon has the distinct honor of becoming Huniepop Studio's first male performer!  How will he get along with his 18 new co-workers?





	1. The Interview

“Hey there! How’s it going?”

Tommy Lennon looked up and saw a girl approaching him. She was a fairly petite girl in frame - five and a half feet tall at most and small, but perky breasts. The package was wrapped up in a little red dress that seemed to promise him the world. Finally, there was a bright cheerfulness in her green eyes, mixed with absolute confidence, with just a pinch of mischief.

Also, she had pink hair. In hindsight, he probably should’ve noticed that part sooner. He straightened himself up. “Hey.” he replied.

“Haven’t I seen you in here before?” she asked, gesturing to the bar they were in. “I like to think I’ve got a profile of everyone here in Glenberry. You new in town?”

“Kind of.” Tommy replied. “Just moved out of my parents’ place and came here looking to start my own life, you know?”

“Well, you picked a good place for it!” the girl said, all smiles. “Glenberry’s a pretty cool place. Lots of different kinds of people living here, and all of them cool. Lot of yuppies around though, but eh - gotta take the good with the bad. So what’s your name?”

“Tommy! Yours?”

“Kyu!”

“…..Like on Star Trek?”

“…..Yes. I am secretly John de Lancey.”

Tommy just stared at her for a moment. Kyu returned the silent stare before snorting out a hearty laugh. Tommy put on his best smile. Laughing is a good sign, right? When her laughter died down, Kyu turned to the bartender. “Barry! Bring me a couple of mojitos! I got me a live one over here!”

Tommy and Kyu talked with each other long into the night - flirting, telling each other jokes and generally enjoying one another’s company. It was getting close to one in the morning. The bar was beginning to empty out, but Tommy and Kyu were still there, both thoroughly buzzed by now. “Oh man.” Tommy said as he checked the time on his phone. “I should call a cab and get home soon.”

“Don’t worry. I gotchu, Fam.” Kyu replied. She turned to the front of the bar. “Bradley!” she hollered. A young man with thick coke-bottle glasses and a white shirt with a pocket protector scuttled over. He seemed to be holding a laptop under one arm.

“Yes?” he asked as he adjusted his glasses.

“I have found the chosen one.” Kyu declared as she clutched Tommy’s arm. “Drive me and him back to his place.”

“Who’s he?” Tommy asked.

“My personal assistant and designated driver.” Kyu explained. “I’m the CEO of my own company you know.”

“Woah, really?” Tommy asked. “What kind of company?”

“For now, let’s just say I specialize in…..entertainment.” she purred before slamming a fistful of cash down on the cover and dragging Tommy out of the bar by the arm.

The drive was a bit of a blur. Tommy gave Bradley some vague directions to his apartment, and as they drove, Kyu wouldn’t stop kissing Tommy’s neck. By the time they arrived, Kyu was eagerly following Tommy up to his apartment and they immediately started making out as soon as they were inside.

Kyu leapt up and wrapped her legs around Tommy’s waist as she furiously frenched him, like she was dying of a weird disease and the only cure was somewhere in his mouth. Despite the girl clawing at him, Tommy was able to find his way to his bedroom and was able to gently set the girl down on his bed. He pulled away and looked upon her. He smiled. “You’re beautiful.” he told her.

“My my, aren’t you the charmer.” Kyu replied. Tommy wrapped his arms around her and started kissing her neck as he worked to undo the dress. The latter task wasn’t hard - there was only a zipper in the back. As he pulled her dress down, his lips went from her neck to her breasts. He kissed them lovingly, suckling on the nipples. Kyu was moaning all the way. “You know your foreplay, gotta give you that.”

He pulled her dress down to her legs, where he discovered that she wasn’t wearing any panties. Her pussy wet from arousal he began to kiss it, sticking his tongue in and swirling it around. “Oh fuck!” Kyu gasped. “Oh fuck yeah! I found a fucking winner!”

Flattered and encouraged, Tommy went on, probing her depths further with his tongue. She tasted like sugar water. He felt slender fingers slip into his shaggy black hair and grip it as his head was forcefully pulled away. “Okay big guy.” Kyu said with an audible pant. “I’ve seen your foreplay, but that’s only half the equation. Start stripping.”

Tommy did so, hoping his body would impress her. Evidently, it did. Kyu was visibly impressed by his body, including a certain organ that was standing tall and proud. “Okay super star, moment of truth.” Kyu said as she hopped off the bed. She turned around and bent over, showing off her ass. She reached back with one hand and stretched her pussy lips open with two fingers. “Give me everything you’ve got.” Kyu commanded.

Tommy did as instructed and grabbed hold of her butt cheeks and lined up his dick with her pussy and slid in, eliciting a prolonged moan from Kyu. Tommy began to pump his meat in and out of her, each wet slap punctuated with a coo or gasp or ‘oh yeah’ by Kyu. She gripped the sheets of his bed as he continued smacking his hot meat into her. “Oh yeah….oh yeah, don’t stop……” she whined.

The intercourse went on for several minutes, Kyu cooing like a dove the whole time. “You gonna cum?” she asked after a few minutes.

“I…..I think so.” Tommy said. He couldn’t deny that he was approaching his climax.

“Don’t pull out. I want you to cum inside me…..” Kyu said. Tommy nodded as he kept going.

“Oh yeah….oh yeah, faster! Harder, I’m almost there!” Kyu begged. Tommy obliged by pounding her harder, eager to reach his own climax. She slammed her fist on his mattress a few times as she got closer to the edge. “Oh yeeeeeeaaaahhhh!!!!”

Her pussy squeezed his member tight as she came, which in turn triggered Tommy’s own climax. He thrusted into her a few more times, wanting to make his orgasm last as long as he could. When he finished, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Kyu, kissing her neck as he climbed into the bed with her. As they spooned, Kyu’s lips found his own and they were making out again, one of his hands finding its way to a breast and lightly pinching the nipple. “You’re perfect.” Kyu sighed in ecstasy.

*****

When Tommy came to the next morning, he saw the rather pleasing sight of a naked Kyu pulling up her panties. She looked over her shoulder and smirked. “Nice to see you awake. Now I don’t have to go all ALS fundraiser on you. Get dressed. We got places to be.”

“We do?” Tommy asked as he got up and looked around for his clothes.

“Quick question - what do you do for a living?” Kyu asked.

“Um…..I work in advertising.” Tommy replied.

“Wait really?” Kyu asked, surprised.

“Yeah!” Tommy replied as he put on his boxers. “I hold up an arrow sign on a street corner that points to a fried chicken restaurant!”

“Ah.” Kyu replied, no longer surprised. “Well, I’d like to make an alternative proposition. You had fun last night?”

“Yeah.” Tommy said as he put on his shirt.

“Well, here’s a crazy idea - how would you like to bone sexalicious ladies like me for a living?” Kyu asked.

Tommy chuckled. “Yeah, but to get a job like that, you’d have to work at a porn studio or something.”

Kyu raised an eyebrow. Without breaking eye contact with Tommy, she wordlessly opened her flip phone and rang up her PA.

*******

Huniepop Studios said the sign hanging over the front door to the totally unassuming warehouse in downtown Glenberry. “This way, please.” Kyu said as she lead Tommy inside. Tommy followed Kyu inside and looked around in awe of the warehouse’s interior. It kind of looked like a movie set with several cameras, lights and microphones positioned around a set of ridiculously comfy-looking furniture. It wasn’t like your grandma’s furniture, but more like the kind of furniture your uncle had in your grandma’s basement.

Sitting in and standing around the furniture were girls. Several girls. Lots and lots of girls. Girls of various races, body types, hairstyles, height, weight and cup sizes.

And they were all staring at Tommy expectantly.

He was suddenly having second thoughts about all this.

“Okay hunies!” Kyu said with a clap of her hands. “Good news! We finally have our first male performer! Say hello to Tommy Lennon! Tommy, these are my girls and your new co-workers. Say hello to Kyanna, Tiffany, Nikki, Beli, Zoey, Audrey, Nadia, Sarah, Lailani, Lola, Lillian, Aiko, Renee, Jessie, Nora, Candy, Brooke, and Marlena.” she said as she pointed to each of the corresponding girls.

“Alright let’s see what we’re working with.” Jessie said. “Shirt off, hun.”

Tommy did as instructed and took off his shirt, revealing his torso. Nora let out a low whistle. “Nice.” she commented.

“I like muscles as much as the next girl, but how’s the situation downstairs?” Aiko asked. She pointed her finger down. Tommy, slightly more hesitant now, pulled down his pants and underwear, revealing his penis, which was getting erect from all the female attention.

“Mmmmm…….nice work, Boss. You picked a real winner.” Lola complemented.

“Thank you.” Kyu replied. “And make no mistake - he can perform. I personally tested him last night. Trust me - none of you will be disappointed.”

“Hold up - we still need to see the most important part.” Renee pointed out. She twirled her finger. “Turn around, Tommy. Show us a little booty.”

Tommy did so, showing the women his butt.

“Oooooh ~ ”

“Very nice.”

“Damn, I could bounce a quarter off that ass cheek.”

“I can’t wait to touch it.”

“Those buns look like they could bend iron.”

“So it’s agreed then! Shall we welcome Tommy aboard?” Kyu asked.

“Um, there’s still one problem.” Candy pointed out. “He’s cute and all, but there’s only one of him and, like, twenty of us.”

“Well, we don’t have the budget for more professional cocks, so until further notice, this is all we’ve got to work with.” Kyu pointed out. She turned to Tommy. “So, whaddaya say, Tommy? You in or out?”

“Um…..I dunno…….” Tommy replied.

“Tommy, I totally understand if you’re nervous.” Kyu said as she put a reassuring hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “But really think about it. This job involves making love to some of the most beautiful women on the planet. Your old job involves standing in one spot holding a giant piece of cardboard for hours on end. Your call.”

“……I think I’ll go with the first one.” Tommy said.

“Awesome! BRADLEY!!! GET THE EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION FORMS!!!!” Kyu shrieked at her PA, who was startled and scurried into his office to get the relevant paperwork. “Welcome to Huniepop Studios, Tommy!”


	2. The First Day

Tommy took a deep breath as he stood in front of Huniepop Studio’s front door, ready to begin his first day of work. He had to admit, it was intimidating - the thought of all those women inside. He’s certainly kissed his fair share of girls back home, but never so many at once. As for porn, all he really knew about the industry was what he read in those old magazines his uncle gave him for his sixteenth birthday.

Still, he supposed it was either this or go back to wearing that giant chicken outfit in the hot sun all day. The choice seemed obvious enough.

Gathering his courage, he stepped through the front door -

“OH FUCK!!”

And saw Marlena fingering Candace, the latter whimpering and screaming as she did so.

Tommy froze like a statue as he took in the single most erotic thing he had ever seen in person - not daring to move a muscle. Marlena climbed up the couch and made out with Candace passionately. “Cut!” Kyu yelled from the director’s chair. She looked at Tommy and waved. “There he is!”

“Mmm….hi.” Marlena greeted as Candace waved and winked.

“….Hello.” Tommy squeaked out.

“Great.” Nikki said as she finished turning off the camera. “It’s his first day and we already broke him.” Kyanna giggled where she stood, holding up the boom mike.

“Am….Should I - “

“Don’t worry, you’re fine, we were due for a cut anyway.” Kyu replied. “Nikki, you take over from here. I gotta get our boy prepped.” Nikki nodded as Kyu walked over Tommy and guided him into another room. He heard Nikki saying ‘action’ and the moans of pleasure resume before a door was shut behind him.

Kyu guided Tommy down a long corridor and up a stair well that eventually led to her office. It was pink. So very, very pink. There was pink everywhere. The walls were pink, the carpet was pink, the pink desk was, yes, pink. On the wall behind Kyu were large windows that allowed Kyu to look down on the warehouse like a queen over her domain - Tommy could make out the set below from the corner of his eye where Marlena and Candace were 69-ing each other.

“Okay. So.” Kyu began as she sat at her desk. She gestured to one of the two chairs in front of her, where Tommy took his seat. “As you are aware, you will be Huniepop’s very first male performer.”

“Yes.” Tommy nodded.

“But, you’re also our only male performer at the moment, which is a problem.” Kyu went on. “You see, you’re going to be doing several scenes per day, and a few of the girls have expressed concern regarding your stamina. Which is why I’m going to need you to start taking these.”

Kyu then reached under her desk and pulled out a Costco-sized bottle of…….something pink. She reached in and handed a tablet to Tommy. He looked down at the tiny little tablet in his hand. It was heart-shaped. And pink. He was starting to sense a theme here. “What is it?” he asked.

“Oh, just a little something I cooked up myself.” Kyu replied in a manner that was not suspicious in the least. “Take one of those each morning before coming in, and you’ll be ready to perform aaaaalllll day. Think of it as a 5-hour energy for your junk.”

“……So you want me to take these pills which I know nothing about, that you apparently made yourself, most likely not with FDA approval.” Tommy summarized.

“Dude - I took you out of a bar, made you into a porn star, and I’m giving you free drugs. You are living the American dream right now.” Kyu pointed out. “Which means that if you turn down these drugs I made in my basement, ISIS wins.”

“Well, when you put it like that…..” Tommy replied before swallowing the pill whole.

“Great! Feel free to take those bad boys home with you. Now, you’ve got a lot of work to do today. You’ve got a 3-Way today, followed by a POV BJ, a sexy CEO scene, and capped off with some light BDSM.”

“That’s a lot of letters.” Tommy noted.

“Yeah, you might want to brush up on your porn vernacular.” Kyu replied. “We won’t get started on your first scene for a little while, so until then, feel free to look around. You know, get settled in, acquaint yourselves with your surroundings, and of course, meeting the girls. You’re going to be working with them intimately, so I recommend starting off on the right foot.”

“I do enjoy meeting new people.” Tommy cheerfully noted.

“Oooooh, I know you do.” Kyu replied with a wink.

********

Tommy hung around in the break room, which came complete with chairs, a couch, a table, and small adjacent kitchen. Along with several other things in a break room. It’s not too different from what your break room looks like, only with more orgasmic moaning and screaming in the background.

After eating a muffin from the cupboard, Tommy sat in one of the chairs, twiddling his thumbs, not entirely sure what to do next. Kyu said he should go around introducing himself, but he wasn’t sure how to go about that exactly. This was all still so strange and unfamiliar. He hadn’t yet acclimated to the new job.

It was then that someone else entered the room - one of the girls, from the looks of her. She looked to be of Asian descent and had her black hair tied up in a bun. Cute wire-frame glasses sat atop her gray eyes, and she was wearing a yellow sweater vest over her regular white shirt. She grabbed an apple from the cupboard before she noticed Tommy’s presence and smiled. “Well well, the big man himself.” she said as she took a seat across from him and bit into the fruit. “Tommy right?”

“Yeah.” Tommy said. He took a moment to wrack his brain as he scanned her face. “Aiko?” he tried.

“Very good.” Aiko replied. “I’m impressed. I know my name isn’t the easiest to remember.”

“I’m good with names.” Tommy replied with a shrug.

“Good for you.” Aiko said before taking another bite of the apple. She swallowed. “So, you done your first scene yet?”

“No.” Tommy replied. “My first scene’s not for a while.”

“Nervous?” Aiko asked.

“….A little.” Tommy confessed.

“Nothing to be ashamed of.” Aiko replied. “Porn can be an intimidating line of work. Takes a LOT of guts to get naked on camera and let the whole world see every single inch of your body.”

Tommy didn’t say anything, only nodded in reply. Aiko continued looking at him, as if analyzing him. “So, just out of curiosity, what’s your kill count?”

“Kill count?” Tommy asked.

“You know. How many notches you got in that belt?” Aiko probed.

“…….” Tommy replied.

“How many people have you had sex with.”

“Oooooooh!” Tommy replied. “Well, uh, not that many.”

“Hm.” Aiko replied with a nod. She took another bite of the apple and, chewing carefully, deep in thought. She carried on eating it for a few minutes, and when she was done, she tossed the core into the garbage basket across the room.

“So, you want a blowjob?” Aiko asked.

Tommy froze. “….Uuuhhh…..”

“Look, you’re nervous, you need something to take the edge off, and you’re internally freaking out over having sex on camera so…….let’s get it over with. Like ripping off a band-aid.” Before Tommy could say anything else, Aiko got down and her hands and knees and fucking crawled her way over to Tommy’s seat and positioned herself on her knees between his legs, her head hovering over his crotch. “So. Whaddaya say?”

“…..Yes please.” Tommy squeaked out.

Aiko smiled as she started fiddling with his jeans. “Just between you and me, I was hoping you’d say yes.” she said. “I don’t get a scene with you until Friday, which sucks for me since I haven’t even seen a flesh-and-blood cock in like, six months.”

She finally fished out his meat stick and smiled at it. “I shit you not, I’ve been dreaming about this moment since I saw this thing the other day.” she said before all but gobbling it up, Tommy gasping and groaning at the sudden warmth and wetness.

Aiko sucked on the cock, taking it in her mouth as though it were the first thing she had eaten in days. She paused at the end long enough to stroke the shaft with her hand vigorously, her tongue doing circles around the tip. Her green-grey eyes met his, gave him a wink, then closed as she went back to slurping on the dick.

This went on for a good ten minutes. Aiko eventually came up for air. “Shit. Tongue’s starting to get a little tired.” she said as her hand stroked the dick seemingly automatically. “You any close to coming, big guy?”

“I…..I’m not sure…..” Tommy grunted through the pleasure.

“Fuck.” Aiko said. “While I’m happy to see you’ve got zero stamina problems, I’ve got shit to do, so we really gotta wrap this up.” She took the cock in both hands and started jerking it, hard and fast. Tommy grunted and gripped the chairs of his seat harder. Aiko’s face hovered near the tip of his dick, licking her lips in anticipation. “You let me know when you’re about to cum, okay?” she asked. Tommy nodded.

About ten seconds later, Tommy hissed and pounded one of the armchairs with his fist. “Gonna cum.” he grunted.

“Finally.” Aiko said as she opened her mouth wide, her tongue hanging out. Tommy came long and hard a few seconds after, shooting a huge load of spunk. She was able to catch most of it in her mouth, but some of it got on her face all the same, including right on her glasses. When he was done cumming, she closed her mouth and swallowed with a satisfied smile, and sucked on his rod a few more times, making sure she got every last drop.

“Mmmm…….” she groaned in satisfaction as she traced the stray drops of cum off her face and licked it off her fingers. “Been too long since the last time I got some quality bukkakke.”

“Bukka-wha?” Tommy asked, the orgasm leaving his head hazier than usual.

“Bukkakke.” Aiko replied. “Cum on face. It’s one of my fetishes. I like being hosed down in love goop. But enough about me. You feel any better?”

“…..A little.” Tommy confessed. He couldn’t describe why, but something about that orgasm put him in a good mood all of a sudden.

“Happy to help.” Aiko replied as she got up. “Now that you’re not so nervous anymore, you should go introduce yourself to the others.”

“You know what? I think I will!” Tommy declared. He rose from his seat, and walked out of the lounge with determination.

“….Might wanna put your dick away, big guy!” Aiko hollered after her.

“I was gonna do that!” Tommy replied as he quickly put his penis away and zipped up his fly.

********

On his way out of the lounge, he passed another girl in the halls holding a couple of grocery bags. She was a young blonde with pig tails, wearing a white undershirt with pink overalls and matching skirt. “Hi!” Tommy said.

“Oh. Hey. What’s shakin’, bacon?” the girl asked.

“Uh….” Tommy forgot what he was going to say next. His sudden, inexplicable craving for bacon didn’t help. “You need help with those bags?”

“Nah, I’ve got it.” she said. “Tommy, right? I’m Tiffany.”

“Nice to meet you! Looking forward to having sex with you!” Tommy said.

“….What?” Tiffany asked. “Oh! Oh no. No no no no no no no. I’m not one of the performers.” she said.

“You’re not?” Tommy asked. “But you’re so beautiful.”

“Well, thanks for saying that, but having sex in front of a camera isn’t really my thing.” Tiffany replied. “I’m mostly just an errand girl here. My job is to get things for the performers - mostly cigs and booze.” she hefted the bags for emphasis, which now that Tommy was listening, he could hear liquid sloshing around in them. “You’d be amazed how much tobacco and alcohol these people go through in a day.”

“Huh.” Tommy said.

“….You don’t do any of this stuff do you?” Tiffany asked.

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t smoke, and I don’t drink that much.”

“Oh thank God.” Tiffany said with a sigh. “One less mouth to feed. Well, I’d better get this stuff into the kitchen. Catch ya later!”

*******

Tommy walked back over to the set, wondering if they were done filming yet. It looked like they were - Candace and Marlena were getting dressed while Nikki was typing away on a laptop with the camera she was using plugged into it. Kyanna idly stood next to Nikki, taking a swig from a bottle of water. Tommy approached slowly, wondering if it was okay to do so. Candace and Marlena saw him, smiled and walked over to him.

“Hi, I’m - “

“Tommy. We know.” Marlena said as she approached. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “May I?”

“…Yes?” Tommy replied. Marlena’s mouth zoomed up to Tommy’s, her tongue eagerly exploring his mouth, moaning as she squeezed her gigantic breasts against his chest. She pulled away and smiled.

“Sorry, but I just had to get a taste.” Marlena said as she walked past.

“Hi, I’m Candace!” the pink-haired girl said. “But everyone just calls me Candy. It was nice to meet you, Tommy.” she pecked him on the cheek and all but skipped after Marlena.

“Wow.” Tommy said as he rubbed his cheek. “The girls who work here sure are friendly.”

“Yeah, turns out - people who work in porn really like their casual sex.” Nikki commented. “Who knew.”

“So, Nikki right?” Tommy asked.

“Eeeeeyup.” Nikki replied, not taking her eyes off the screen. “Website manager, tech support, and camera girl.”

“Wow. That’s like, three jobs.” Tommy observed.

“And yet, I only get paid for one job.” Nikki commented.

“Don’t mind her.” Kyanna said as she ruffled Nikki’s blue hair. “She’s not much of a people person. I’m Kyanna. I’m the sound technician.”

“Sound technician?” Tommy asked.

“She holds the boom mic during scenes.” Nikki replied as she unruffled her hair and shot Kyanna a dirty look.

“Hey, that thing’s heavier than it looks.” Kyanna said. “You guys are lucky I work out so much, or else I wouldn’t be able to hold that thing steady for hours at a time.”

Kyanna looked at Tommy. “Speaking of working out, do you lift?”

“Do I lift what?” Tommy asked.

“You know, lift.” Kyanna asked.

“….Lift what?” Tommy asked, not sure what Kyanna’s question was.

“Wow.” Nikki said, looking at Tommy for the first time since he came in. “Kyu really knows how to pick ‘em, huh?”

“Hey, lay off.” Kyanna defended. “He’s nice.” She looked at him and stroked her chin. “Very nice.” she commented as she eyed his arms.

“Save the eye-fucking for later, Kyanna.” Nikki replied. “We’ve still got a whole other scene to film before we get to his.”

“What is my first scene anyway?” Tommy asked, just now realizing that Kyu never really mentioned that. “I know it’s a 3-Way, but with who?”

“Beli and Jessie.” Nikki said.

“Jessie?” Kyanna asked. “That’s kinda throwing him into the deep end, don’tcha think?”

“Well, you know how much she loves her fresh meat.” Nikki said.

“Who’s Jessie?” Tommy asked.

“One of the most experienced performers here.” Nikki replied.. “See, most of the girls here are actually kind of new to porn. Not Jessie, though. She’s been in the industry longer than all of us put together.”

“Yeah. She’s also really super nice to everyone!” Kyanna added. “Just watch yourself around her. There’s a reason she went into porn - it’s because she’s insatiable.”

“It’s true.” Nikki agreed. “When you meet her, she’ll hug you, kiss you…..touch you……speak in a husky voice that promises an endless, hazy dream of pleasure. Every filthy fantasy you’ve ever had, fulfilled……..”

Nikki seemed to zone out for a second, then shook her head, willing herself back to reality. “She’ll flirt with you.” Kyanna clarified. “It’s her way of being friendly.”

*******

After chatting with Kyanna for a little while longer, Tommy decided to move on - making it his mission to talk to every girl in this studio, like it was some kind of weird video game.

He walked through a door at the end of the hall and suddenly found himself outside, behind the warehouse. The shift in environment was slightly jarring at first. While there was nothing but pink and sex inside, out here was mostly garbage and an old, dried up dog turd by the dumpster.

There were two more girls out here, though - leaning against the wall. They looked at him, lit cigarettes dangling from their mouths. One of the girls had light brown skin and a mole on her cheek. The other had skin that was not brown at all. It was white. REALLY white. Like, paper-white. Tommy recalled their names - Nora and Lillian, respectively, and both were giving him slightly-scornful looks.

“….Hi! I’m Tommy!” Tommy introduced himself.

“….We know.” Nora replied. “We met you yesterday.”

“…Oh.” Tommy replied as he stood there a moment.

“Do you, like, need something?” Lillian asked.

“Not really.” Tommy replied.

“Then would you mind fucking off? We’re on our smoke break.” Lillian hissed.

“Lay off, Lil - he’s new.” Nora said. She turned to Tommy. “That said, we are gonna need you to fuck off for a while. We just did a scene with Nadia so our asses still sting and it’s not even noon yet. We’re in for a rough day so, yeah, stop interrupting our chill time.”

“Okay then.” Tommy replied as he fucked off and headed back inside.

******

Tommy decided to head back into the lounge for a moment, suddenly in the mood for a quick snack. There were two more girls inside. One had a deep tan and was a little on the chubby side (which Tommy didn’t mind), while the other had almost midnight-black skin and her chest was a little on the flat side (which, again, Tommy didn’t mind). Sarah and Zoey, he remembered. They were talking with each other heatedly when he came in.

“I just don’t see the problem with expressing myself.” Sarah said.

“What you’re doing isn’t self-expression, it’s cultural appropriation.” Zoey replied. “And it’s not okay.”

“Aiko seems fine with it.” Sarah pointed out.

“Probably because she doesn’t want to be ‘that girl’ for raising a stink about it. In a draconian and misogynistic industry like porn, anyone who speaks up is quickly fired and replaced, so of course Aiko isn’t going to say anything.” Zoey went on. “But whether she says it or not, she and I both know that you’re being problematic.”

“Problematic?” Sarah asked. “Come on, Zoey-chan. It’s not like I’m racist or anything.”

“But you are being racist, even if you don’t realize it!” Zoey argued. “By adopting this gross-ass ‘Suki’ persona, you’re furthering the harmful stereotype that Asian women are submissive airheads obsessed with cute things, a stereotype that hard-working Asian-American women like Aiko have been trying to shake off for years.”

“Oh please - like people think Aiko is submissive. She’s a total seme.” Sarah pointe out.

“And another thing, stop using anime terms!” Zoey exasperatingly went on. “There is so much more to Japanese culture than a single entertainment medium can ever hope to convey! And trying to related every little real life thing to an anime trope is disgustingly toxic!”

By this point, Tommy had already left the lounge with a packet of chips about five minutes ago.

*******

As Tommy walked down the corridor, he saw another beautiful young lady walking by. She had long, fiery red hair and a really pretty dress. Audrey. “Hi, I’m - “

“Go fuck yourself.” Audrey said as she walked by without even looking at him.

*****

“Yeah, that’s Audrey alright.” Lailani said as she and Tommy chatted by the water cooler. “It actually sounded like you caught her in a good mood. If she was in a bad mood, she would’ve torn you to pieces.”

“Really?” Tommy asked.

“Mm-hm.” Renee hummed as she too drank some water. “That girl is a capital-B, bitch.”

“Well, how come?” Tommy asked.

“Mystery for the ages.” Lailani said. “She sure didn’t grow up poor, so it’s not a defense mechanism. Maybe it’s her cup size, but she’s no less mean to me or Zoey than to Sarah or Candy.”

“It ain’t the drugs.” Renee said. “With all the pot she smokes, she should be way more chill. If this is what she’s like high, I do NOT wanna see her sober.”

“Far as we can tell, that’s….just how she is.” Lailani said, then shrugged. “Some people are just like that, I guess.”

“What I don’t get is - why the hell is she so damn popular?” Renee asked. She put a hand on her hip and pouted. “Did you know that any video with her in it automatically makes the top 5 most-viewed list every month? And half the time, it’s just her staring into the camera yelling insults at the audience.”

“Yeah. Plus the only other girl that even comes close to being that consistently popular is Lillian who does…..more or less the same thing.” Lailani pointed out. “Our audience has really weird tastes.”

“…..Am I gonna have to yell at people?” Tommy asked.

“I would say no.” Lailani said. “But this is the same audience that paid to watch Nadia feed Marlena cake, Candy to put her whole fist in her mouth, and Jessie to put a shoe on her head.”

“Yeah, word of warning Tommy - you’re probably gonna discover something about yourself in this job.” Renee said.

“Really?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah.” Lailani replied. “Take Renee here for example. By working here, she discovered she’s really into booty worship.”

“Hey.” Renee said. “It is not weird that I like having girls kissing my butt cheeks and whispering their dreams into my anus.”

******

“Thanks for helping, Tommy.” Lola said as she and Tommy carried the cardboard boxes full of papers through the corridor.

“No problem.” Tommy replied. “So, what is all this stuff, anyway?”

“Oh, you know. Old bank statements, magazine subscriptions, that kind of thing.” Lola replied. They came to a door at the end of the hall. She opened the door and -

“OH GOD!!!” Bradley shouted as he fell out of his chair, startled by the sudden burst of light into the dim room.

“Oh, sorry Bradley. Didn’t mean to startle you.” Lola said. “Here’s the old mail that Kyu wanted you to go through.” she said as she placed the box on Bradley’s desk, Tommy doing the same with his box. Bradley shook as he got back up - the young man looked an absolute mess to Tommy with his coke bottle glasses, wiry frame, and skin paler than Lillian’s. He looked like that one really nerdy kid he knew in high school, minus the braces and acne.

“Why’s this room so dark, Brad?” Tommy asked.

“Kyu won’t give me a better lamp.” Huniepop’s accountant and Kyu’s personal assistant replied as he took his seat, the desk lamp flickering.

“Well, good luck!” Lola said as she and Tommy left the room, closing the door behind them.

“He doesn’t get out of that office very much.” Lola told him. “So, you’ve been introducing yourself to the other girls?”

“Yup!” Tommy replied.

“That’s good! First impressions are very important.” Lola said. “So, who’ve you met so far?”

“Hmmm…..” Tommy said as he stroked his chin. “Aiko, Tiffany, Nikki, Kyanna, Candace, Marlena, Nora, Lillian, Audrey, Lailani, Renee and now you. I saw Sarah and Zoey earlier, but they were arguing so I decided not to bother them. So I guess that just leaves Nadia, Beli, Brooke and Jessie.”

“Oooooh boy.” Lola said with a mischievous giggle. “Beli’s a nice girl, and Brooke’s a delight, but those other two? They are going to eat you alive.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’re friendly.” Tommy said.

*****

Tommy stood there as Nadia’s tongue explored the inside of his mouth, the woman moaning into her mouth as she reached into his shirt to rub his chest with both hands. When she pulled away, she smiled. “Mmmmmm.” she purred with a husky voice and a thick Russian accent. “Marlena was right. You are tasty.” With that, she walked away.

Tommy just stood there, in the corridor, shocked by the surprise make out.

“….Hi, I’m Tommy.” he weakly said about a minute later than he intended to.

******

“Oh, don’t mind Nadia.” Brooke said with a roll of her eyes. “She’s a dominatrix, so invading other people’s personal spaces like that is part of how she gets off.”

“Mm-hm.” Beli silently agreed. The two women were doing yoga stretches together, sitting on a large yoga mat near the shooting stage. They were facing each other with their legs spread, their toes touching. “She’s giving everyone kisses on the cheek and slaps on the…uh….’hind quarters’. Honestly, it makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes.”

“Well, again, dominatrix. She’s here representing the darker side of sexuality.” Brooke said as she and Beli grabbed each other’s arms. Beli leaned back, which in turn pulled Brooke’s upper body forward, their toes still touching. Then, Brooke leaned back, pulling Beli forward. Back and forth, like a yoga pendulum.

“Wow, you two sure are good at that.” Tommy said.

“It’s all Beli.” Brooke pointed out. “She tutors us all in yoga. I’m just another student.”

“Well, I used to be a yoga instructor before I came to work here.” Beli explained.

“You should let her tutor you sometime, Tommy.” Brooke suggested. “Trust me - enhanced flexibility pays in this line of work.”

“That it does.” said a husky voice. Tommy turned and saw a woman with lightly tanned skin and blonde hair waltz into the stage like she owned the place. Jessie.

“Just be careful not to pull something, Beli.” Jessie said as she wrapped an arm around Tommy’s waist. “You and I have a scene with this fine specimen in thirty.”

“Don’t worry, Jessie. Brooke and I are already done.” Beli said as she and Brooke ceased their routine and stood up.

“So Tommy, this’ll be your first scene with us.” Beli said as Brooke walked past them off the soundstage. “Nervous?”

“A little.” Tommy confessed.

“Well, for what it’s worth, this’ll be my first time too.” Beli said. “Up until now, I’ve mostly only done masturbation videos and…um….’sexy yoga.’ I’ve never actually had sex with anyone on camera before.”

“Don’t worry, hun. You’re going to be great.” Jessie assured. She looked up and Tommy and smiled. “You both will be.” Tommy smiled back at that.

“I’m glad that I’ll be doing this with a friend, Jessie.” Beli said as she walked up to the blonde. “If it were anyone besides you….I don’t know if-“

“Oh, stop.” Jessie said as she unwrapped her arm around Tommy and took Beli in a hug, giving her a soft peck on the lips. “You’re awesome. You’re one of our most popular girls, and this video’s going to be a hit.”

“You think my fans will like it?” Beli asked.

“Oh, when they see you get fucked, they’re going to jerk their dicks so hard…..” Jessie whispered. Beli bit her lower lip, seemingly giggling at the thought. Jessie turned to Tommy and smiled. “Come on, new guy. It’s time to gear up.”

*******

_Jessie sits on the couch, wearing her signature black nightgown. She wiggles her fingers at the camera. “Hello, my little Hunie Suckles.” Jessie says, using one of the common pet names for fans of the site. “It’s Misty again, with a very special treat today. Come here, hun.”_

_Beli walks into the camera frame and sits next to Jessie, wearing nothing but white undergarments. “Um….Hi.” Beli says to the camera. “I’m Beli.”_

_“Many of you probably know Beli from her solo vids. Well, today is going to be the first time she fucks on camera.” Jessie says. “How do you feel, babe?” she asks Beli, rubbing her leg._

_“I’m a little nervous.” Beli says._

_“Don’t worry. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Jessie assures. She turns to the camera. “Now, Beli isn’t the only new thing here today. A lot of hunie suckles always wanted to see some of the girls get fucked by a big hard cock. Well, we finally found a dick for the job. He’s still getting ready, so for right now, let’s help Beli warm up.”_

_Jessie turns back to Beli and leans forward. Their lips meet as they begin to kiss. Their tongues touch and caress each other, drawing adorable coos from Beli as Jessie begins to undo Beli’s bra. The lacy white bra comes off, prompting Jessie to break the kiss and look down on the bare breasts with a smile. “Oh my God….” she breathed. “Your boobs are always so fucking beautiful.” The camera zooms in on Beli’s breasts, as if agreeing with Jessie. The pro porn star takes a nipple in her mouth and sucks, massaging the free breast as she does so, eliciting an extended moan from Beli._

_Jessie’s hand makes its way down into Beli’s panties, earning another gasp and moan from Beli. She chews on her bottom lip and whimpers as Jessie finger-fucks her. After a minute of this, she lifts up Beli’s legs to slide her panties off. Once she does so, the camera zooms in on her pussy, already soaking wet from Jessie’s attention. The camera held on this image as Jessie slipped two fingers back inside and resumed fingering her._

_The camera zooms out after a minute, just in time for Tommy to walk into frame, already butt naked. “Hello.” he says, though the camera only briefly pans up to his face to acknowledge his presence. His face isn’t the important part here. What’s important is the huge erect cock that the two girls found themselves looking at hungrily._

_“Bring that cock over here, Tommy.” Jessie says. “You’re all about to watch Huniepop history unfold - our first cock sucked on-screen by none other than the lovely Ms. Beli Buttonz.” she says, using Beli’s porn name. Beli wastes little time, opening her mouth wide and taking in his entire length. Tommy groans as she sucks and slurps on his rod, her head slowly bobbing._

_“Mmmm…..Beli, you are a natural.” Jessie says as she watches the blowjob. She licks her lips. “Suck on his balls for a minute, I want a turn with his dick.” Beli begins sucking on his balls while Jessie starts working her own magic. Her head bobs are more fluid, with a bit more flair than Beli’s, a result of being more experienced._

_After a few minutes of mandatory blowjobs to start with, Jessie and Beli help Tommy take a seat on the couch. The two girls strok his now thoroughly-wet dick some more before Jessie take the initiative and mount Tommy in reverse cowgirl._

_“Oh fuuuuck!” she moans as she slowly slides the length of him inside her. “Oh my God, it’s been too long since I had a dick this big…..” Jessie says as she starts to ride him. It only takes a few minutes to go from gentle bouncing to using the couch as a trampoline, the blonde woman moaning the whole time. Then, Tommy takes hold of Jessie’s legs and puts his own hips to work, his balls slapping against Jessie’s wet clit. “I’m gonna cum!” Jessie shouts. “I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna - oh fuck!” she swears as she orgasms. She grits her teeth in pleasure, only to start breathing again once she came down from the high._

_Beli had been watching eagerly this whole time, fingering herself and fondling her own boob, waiting her turn. Once Jessie was done cumming, she slides off the dick. Beli sucks on it for a moment, wanting to taste her friend’s cum, before mounting the dick herself._

_Much like with Jessie, Beli’s reverse cowgirl ride starts with gentle bouncing and soon devolves in desperate jumping. Not only that, but Beli is louder than Jessie. Whereas Jessie moans, Beli gasps and screams and whimpers. When Tommy grabs hold of Beli’s legs to fuck her back, Beli is screaming like she’s howling at the moon as his dick pounds rapidly into her pussy. When her screaming stops, she climbs off, giving Jessie a chance to sample her cum._

_Finally, it was Tommy’s turn for release. The camera’s perspective cuts to his side, Jessie and Beli kneeling in front of him and taking turns sucking his dick. “You about to cum, baby?” Jessie asks as she strokes the shaft with Beli still sucking on the head._

_“Yeah.” Tommy replies._

_“Okay Beli - here comes your first money shot. Open wide!” Jessie all but sings. Beli closed her eyes and opened her mouth as Jessie jerked off Tommy until he cums all over Beli’s face. With a coo of serenity, Beli wipes the cum off her face with her fingers, sucking the semen off. Jessie takes one of Beli’s hands, wanting some cum for herself._

_“I think Beli likes getting fucked.” she giggles. Beli giggles too. “So don’t be surprised if we get Tommy to fuck her again sometime. See you all next week….”_

**********

“Aaaand that’s a wrap!” Kyu cheerfully noted. Nikki turned off the camera and hooked it up to her laptop to download it onto her hard drive. Kyanna started putting away the boom mike.

“How’d I do?” Tommy asked.

“You were incredible.” Beli said as she panted, still dizzy from the awesome sex. She leaned forward and took Tommy’s cock in her mouth, wanting to suck out the last few drops.

“You both were.” Jessie noted. “Watch yourself, Tommy. Once that video goes live, all the girls will see what you can do and once they do, you’ll never get a moment’s peace.” she said with a giggle.

“You thiiiIIIIiiiIIInk so?” Tommy asked as he felt Beli suck his dick enthusiastically.

“I know so.” Jessie said. She tapped Beli’s shoulder. “Scene’s over, hun.”

“….Oh.” Beli said after popping the dick out of her mouth. “Sorry I uh…..sometimes I get a little carried away.”

“It’s alright, hun. Tommy didn’t look like he minded too much.” Jessie replied with a giggle and a wink.

“That was…..that was really good.” Tommy said. It was only here that he realized that it was his first threesome, and it was just as awesome as he thought it would be.

“Oh trust me, dude.” Kyu said as he walked up to Tommy to give him a friendly punch on the shoulder. “If you thought that three-way was awesome, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

*******

In all, Tommy had enjoyed his first day working for Huniepop. His scene with Beli and Jessie wasn’t his last, as he filmed three more scenes that day. And every scene, his dick didn’t seem to get tired at all or even run low on semen. Those drugs Kyu gave him really work!

When it came time to clock out, he hopped into his car and drove home, watched a bit of TV, then hopped to bed. As he climbed into bed to turn in for the night, he realized something.

His dick was still hard. After having more sex in one day than he had ever had in his whole life, it was still hard.

“…..Hm.” Tommy replied. “I wonder if I should call a doctor about that.”

In hindsight, maybe taking performance-enhancing drugs from his boss wasn’t the best idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeend scene!
> 
> Okay, so, my name is Lemonade_Stand_Owner, and much like the name suggests, I write lemon fics! Often very poorly. And this is my first attempt at a Huniepop fanfic series!
> 
> This is an idea I've had for a while now - of all our favorite girls in a sitcome-like series. Think Park and Recreations meets Cathouse and you've got a general idea of what I'm aiming for. Consider the first two chapters of this fic the "pilot episode", released to test the waters.
> 
> While not every chapter will feature sex scenes, they will be frequent enough, and they will hopefully range from sensual, to kinky, to silly. I will also listen to most sex scene requests, though I'm like a DJ - I'll hear out your requests, but I won't necessarily do them. Most scenarios are doable! This is a porn studio after all, so if you wanna see an AU sex scene in which Alien Queen Jessie subjugates Space Hero Renee with a space spatula, I'm sure the Hunies have SOMETHING lying around in that old prop closet to bring that scene to life.
> 
> Also, this fanfic series may or may not be updated infrequently, so don't be too surprised if I end up disappearing for months at a time. This is kinda one of those "I'll update it when inspiration strikes and/or whenever I feel like it" type deals.


	3. Oil Tycoons

“Alright, gather around my Hunies!” Kyu announced to her workforce, who were all gathered on the set, sitting in or standing around all the comfy furniture. Kyu was dressed in her usual attire - a woman’s business suit with matching mini-skirt, except instead of beige or blue, it was all hot pink, even the neck tie. One would sense a theme by now. The team’s newest member raised his hand. “Yes, Tommy?” Kyu asked.

“When you said, ‘gather around my Hunies,’ you meant me too, right?” Tommy asked.

“Yes. That meant you too.” Kyu replied.

Tommy smiled. He turned to the girls. “You hear that, guys? I’m a Hunie now! I’m one of the team!”

“NOBODY CARES, ASSCUNT!” Audrey shouted down at him. Tommy pouted as he silenced himself.

“Right then.” Kyu said, eager to get back on topic. “Bradley, bring it in.”

Bradley whimpered as he wheeled in on a dolly three large and heavy boxes. He panted and wheezed as he slowly pushed the dolly over. Finally, he stopped the dolly next to Kyu before collapsing to his knees, desperately reaching for his inhaler.

“….Okay!” Kyu said with a clap of her hands, content to completely ignore her personal assistant’s need for medical attention. “So after binge watching the complete Oil Overload series on Pornhub, I was struck by inspiration! Ladies and Tommy, what I have here is the next exciting chapter of Huniepop Studios. Behold!”

The CEO eagerly ripped open one of the boxes and took out its contents, excitedly showing it off to the Hunies. “…..You dragged us in here over bottled water?” Lillian asked.

“Oh God, we’re not doing water sports, are we?” Aiko asked.

“Oh don’t be silly, we’re not doing water sports!” Kyu replied, muttering ‘yet’ under her breath. “No, this actually isn’t water at all. It’s baby oil! If I might have a volunteer….?”

“Ooooh, pick me, pick me!” Tommy said as he raised his hand.

“Me me me!” Candy said as she raised hers.

“Hmmm……Candy.” Kyu said as she pointed to the other pink-haired girl. Candy stuck her tongue out at Tommy before trotting up to Kyu’s side. Tommy crossed his arms and scowled at the pink-haired woman.

“Your arm, please.” Kyu said. Candy stuck out her arm. Kyu squirted some baby oil out of the bottle onto Candy’s arm, a single clear stream shooting out. Once there was enough oil to satisfy her, Kyu began rubbing the oil all over the limb.

“Oooooohhhh……” Candy said as she noticed the skin on her arm getting shinier and shinier. “I can see my reflection!” She squinted at the reflection in her arm. “Uh oh. Is that a zit?”

“We’re gonna be shooting a few scenes with this stuff.” Kyu explained. “I’m thinking we start small, with a few solo pieces. Then, we work our way up to sex scenes, and we cap it all off with a giant orgy! Our traffic numbers will sky rocket!”

“I’m not sure I understand.” Beli said. “Is there any particular reason oiling up our bodies would make us more attractive?”

“It makes us look wet. You know, like bikini-clad girls at the beach.” Aiko explained.

“Not to mention it’s got practical use as well.” Jessie pointed out. “I’ve worked with baby oil before, and let me tell you, it’s a great lubricant.”

“And going back to Aiko’s comment about making us ‘look wet’, the oiled up look plays on the sexual subconscious which often associates water with sex. You see this in other forms of sexuality as well - bukkake, squirting vaginas, oral sex, even vanilla intercourse involves a heavy degree of fluid exchange. I mean hell, look at the very slang for an aroused woman - ‘She’s wet.’ So it only makes sense that a woman coated in any kind of fluid would be perceived as being sexually available by the subconscious.”

The other girls all look at Zoey after she finished her little speech. She looked around with a raised eyebrow. “What? I write about this stuff on Tumblr.”

“….Good news girls!” Candy said as she looked up from her mirror arm. “I don’t have a zit!”

“Alright then! Kyanna, take these boxes to the prop room. Jessie, you’re with me. We’ve got some scenes to write. All other Hunies, dismissed.” Kyu ordered. The Hunies disbanded as Kyanna carefully stepped over Bradley, still on the ground with inhaler in hand, and pushed the dolly over to the prop closet.

******

“La la la la laaaaaaa!” Candy sing-songed as she skated down the hall into the lounge room. She lathered baby oil on the floor and skated down it on just her socks. She turned into the kitchen area to grab a pudding cup from the fridge. She skated out of the kitchen, tripping up a little where the linoleum ended and the carpet began, recovered, then took a seat on the couch.

After finishing her pudding, she took out the baby oil from her purse, sprayed it on her arm, and used it to check her reflection to make sure she looked good for today’s scene. Lola, who’d been sitting on the opposite side of the couch, watched her with a raised eyebrow. “Been putting the new oil to good use, I see.” she observed.

“You don’t even know!” Candy replied. “This stuff is awesome! It’s got so many uses! You can skate to places, you can use body parts as a mirror, you can even protect your lunch with it!”

“Protect your lunch?” Lola asked.

“Hey girls.” Tommy said as he entered. He opened the fridge and smiled. “Oh cool! A sandwich.” he said as he reached in and grabbed the meal wrapped in saran wrap.

….Only to have it slip out of his fingers and onto the floor. “Huh?” he asked as he picked it up, only for it to slip out of his fingers again. He tried it again a third time, and this time, it flew out of his hands and into Candy’s lap.

“My sandwich, Tommy.” Candy said with a wink. Tommy moped as he left the lounge.

“Clever.” Lola complemented.

“Thanks.” Candy said as she picked up the sandwich herself.

….Only for it to slip out of her fingers. “…..Hm. Need to work on that part.”

“In all seriousness though, how much of that stuff have you been using?” Lola asked.

“I’ve gone through two bottles!” Candy said.

“But we just got it this morning.” Lola pointed out.

“I’ve been using it a lot!”

“Should you really be using so much?”

“Where’s the harm?”

“Aaaah!” Tommy shouted from the hallway followed by a loud thump. “Why is the floor so slippery?!”

Lola sighed as she put on a more stern face. “I hate to spoil your fun Candy, but Kyu ordered that oil for us to use while filming. It’s not a toy.”

“….Oh.” Candy said as her shoulders sagged.

“Maybe put that bottle in the prop room with the others.” Lola suggested.

“Okay….” Candy replied with a disappointed sigh.

******

Candy sighed in disappointment for what must’ve been the fourth time when she arrived at the prop room. She opened the door and stepped inside.

The room was basically a giant storage closet, containing a veritable a sea of cardboard boxes filled with costumes, wigs, toys, prop weapons, puppets, and other miscellaneous junk that may or may not be useful in a low-budget porn studio. Some of the boxes haven’t even been opened, Kyu having ordered them online, stored them here upon delivery, and seemingly forgetting about them. She was a bit of a pack rat in that regard.

It only took Candy a moment to spot the box with the rest of the baby oil in and place the bottle inside. She sighed for the fifth time, lamenting how her oil-based fun had come to an end. She turned around to leave, but stubbed her toe on another box. “Ow! Stupid box!” she cursed as she kicked the box over.

As the box was kicked over, its contents were spilled across the floor. Super soakers. Dozens of super soakers of every shape, size and color littered the floor. Why Kyu had a box just FULL of super soakers in the prop closet was beyond the stripper, but there they were.

Candy stared at the super soakers for a few seconds.

Then she turned to the box full of baby oil bottles.

Then back to the super soakers.

Then back to the baby oil.

Then the super soakers.

Then the baby oil.

Then the super soakers.

Then the baby oil.

Then the baby oil.

Then the super soakers.

She smiled from ear to ear as she got the most _awesome idea_.

“Yeah, do it, Candy!” said a little devil on her shoulder. “It’ll be bitchin’!”

“No Candy.” said a little angel on her other shoulder. “You mustn’t! It could get you fired, and who could afford to lose their job in this economy? No, you must exercise self-restraint and resist you’re already filling the super soakers, aren’t you?”

“Eeeeeheheheheheheheheeeeee!” Candy giggled as she filled one of the super soakers with baby oil.

“Why do I even bother…..” the tiny angel sighed.

******

“You ready, Brooke?” Kyu asked as she took her seat in her director’s chair, casually crossing one leg over the other.

“Ready.” Brooke replied as she finished putting on her lingerie.

“Awesome! Nikki? Kyanna?” the two younger girls nodded as they got in position with camera and boom mic. “Nice.” Kyu said as she lifted up her director’s horn. “Lez do dis shit!” she shouted.

********

_The camera fades into a sight most hunie suckles should be familiar with. A woman with long, milk chocolate brown hair wearing a two-piece lingerie outfit stands in front of the camera. The top is a black bra with see-through white silk draping the shoulders and running down the sides of the torso, leaving the belly button exposed. The bottom is a lacy pair of black panties, black corset stockings running down her legs, ending in black stilettos._

_The camera starts at the stilettos, then slowly pans up the legs, torso, and ends on the face. Covering her face was a black masquerade mask with gold trim and two black feathers on each side. It’s the one thing she never takes off in any scene. She is one of Huniepop’s most popular stars - the Mysterious Masked Madame. Her name and identity have never been revealed, though theories abound on the site’s forums. She rarely speaks during her scenes, aside from moans of ecstasy, and when she does speak, it is only in hushed whispers. She doesn’t do any scenes with any of the other performers, either. She only does solo scenes, so even fellow Hunies don’t seem to know who she is. Indeed, they don’t even mention her, as though her very existence was only a rumor. Like an extended strip tease, the sheer mystery of her character drives her fans mad with desire, which is part of why she’s one of their favorites._

_She begins by slowly, sensuously rubbing herself. Slowly her hands over her heaving bosom, down her belly, and she begins to rub her crotch, her breath becoming heavy. She closes her eyes and bites her lower lips as the camera zooms in on her crotch as she rubs it. She then grabs a body of baby oil and squirts it on herself, starting with her chest. As she rubs the oil into her breasts with one hand, getting the top wet, she begins squirting her crotch. She rubs her crotch again, clawing at the panties harder now, as if trying to remove them. Her sheer horniness could be felt through the camera somehow, making the fans as eager to see her release as she herself seems to be._

_And that’s when she got sprayed from off camera. “EEEEEEEEK!”_

*******

“What the fuck?” Kyu asked as she looked off stage. Nikki turned off the camera, already recognizing that that scene was officially fubar. Standing a little ways off the recording set was Candy, dressed as a scantily-clad police officer and matching cap (one of her fave outfits), holding up a super soaker.

“Stop, in the name of the law! I have you now, Masked Madame!”

“Candace!” Brooke shouted as she removed her mask. “You ruined my scene!”

“Ruined? Or helped?” Candy asked. “I mean, you ARE supposed to be covered in baby oil, right?”

“You know I work alone, Candace. It’s part of my persona.” Brooke replied.

“Yeah well, your persona’s boring.” Candy pointed out.

“Well Candace, we can’t all be ditzy airheads with the emotional maturity of an eight-year-old.” Brooke sneered. “Some of us are sensual. Mysterious. Perhaps even dangerous. I’m a ghost, a rumor, a _breath on the wind_. I am the blurred line between dream and reality. I am desire itself given - ”

“Bored now.” Candy said before blasting Brooke with baby oil again. Brooke screamed as Candace giggled maniacally.

“Okay Candy, that’s enough.” Kyanna said as she put down the boom mic. She walked over to Candy, but before she could get any closer, Candy sprayed her with the baby oil too, prompting a scream from her as well. “Gah! What’s your deal?!”

“My deal is that I’m a woman on the edge!” Candy cheered before all but cackling like a madwoman. She jumped on top of the couch and began spraying oil at the whole filming crew. Through screams of distress, the thoroughly and unwillingly oiled up girls fled the film room. Nikki closed the door behind them as the four of them caught their breath.

“Ay, basura.” Kyanna said as she face palmed. “What are we gonna do with that girl?”

“We should stop stocking the break room pantry with oreos for one.” Brooke observed. “She always gets like this after eating oreos first thing in the morning.”

“Alright, open that door Nikki. I’m putting a stop to this right fucking now.” Kyu ordered. Nikki did so and Kyu stepped through. “Alright Candace. Put that super-soaker down RIGHT NOW or so help me I’ll-“ Kyu’s lecture was cut off by a combination of screaming and maniacal giggling as Kyu rushed back into the corridor, even more soaked with oil then before.

“She would be so fired if she didn’t have double-F cups.” Kyu deadpanned.

“HEAR ME, KYU SUGARDUST!!!” Candy screamed from the set. “YOUR STUDIO HAS BEEN SEIZED BY THE SUPER OIL FORCE!!! NEVER AGAIN SHALL YOU USE THESE CAMERAS AND DILDOS FOR EVIL!!!”

“Seriously. Whenever I come in every morning, she’s always in the breakroom, eating oreos and coffee at 9:35am, like clockwork. I think that’s all she ever eats for breakfast.” Brooke continued to argue.

“Okay fine. If THAT’S the way she wants to play…..” Kyu growled. “Kyanna. Nikki. Brooke. Rally the other girls. We’re taking her DOWN.”

********

“Okay, so let me see if I’ve got this right.” Audrey began. “Pinkie McBoobington went fucking nuts and has taken the film set hostage with super soakers full of baby oil and our plan is to…….”

“Fight baby oil with baby oil!” Kyu replied as she handed the redhead a super-soaker full of oil. “If Candy wants a war…..we’ll give her one. These are super soaker CPS 2500’s with three different nozzle settings, 12 meter range, and 680ml per second output. A dozen of these should make Candy consider surrender.” Kyu handed out the super soakers to nearly all of her staff. With the oil-filled weapons in hand, they look like a squad of soldiers ready for combat.

“Huniefighters, your mission is to head in there and apprehend the rogue Hunie Candace by any means necessary.” Kyu said. “Questions?”

Tiffany raised her hand.

“Yes, Tiffany?” Kyu asked.

“Why are we all wearing bikinis?” Tiffany asked. Right, did I forget to mention they were each wearing their favorite bikinis?

“So you don’t get your clothes ruined. Duh.” Kyu replied.

“Nice top, Beli.” Renee complemented as she gestured to Beli’s infamous ‘free love’ bikini.

“It was all I had.” Beli said. “I just hope it doesn’t slip off or something.”

Lailani glanced at Tommy’s bathing suit. “Is that a banana hammock?”

“It was all Kyu had for some reason.” Tommy said as he liked down at the hot pink speedo.

“I’ve got a question too. How come you’re not joining us?” Audrey asked, directing a glare at Brooke, who was sitting in a fold-up chair down the hall.

“I refuse to indulge Candace by entertaining this childish feud.” Brooke said. “In fact, I think we shouldn’t even be doing this. We’re only encouraging her.”

“Sometimes, you gotta fight loco with more loco.” Nora said as she pumped up her soaker.

“Amen, sister.” Kyanna agreed with a nod.

“You’re all being as childish as she is.” Brooke said as she stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Jessie, Nadia, I’d expect something like this from the others, but you two?”

“Nothing wrong with bikini-clad fun.” Jessie said.

“Da. Is good exercise, actually.” Nadia agreed.

“Well, have fun in there.” Brooke said. “If you need me, I’ll be in Bradley’s office, helping him tally our traffic numbers for the month. Because SOMEONE has to be the responsible adult around here.” With that, she walked away in a huff.

“Alright then girls….” Kyu said as she stripped down to her underwear and grabbed her own super soaker. “Lez go!” she cheered. The other girls shouted their battle cries as Kyu rushed them in. “Go! Go! Go!” Kyu put a hand on Nikki’s shoulder. “Not you, Nikki. I have a plan. Follow me.” With that, the boss led the blunette further down the hall, towards her office.

Meanwhile, oily hell was waiting for the Huniefighters as they stormed the set. Candy had had plenty of time to prepare her defenses since taking over the soundstage, stacking the furniture, crates, and other equipment into a crude fortress that gave her the high ground. She started by turning on the flood lights on the hunies as they entered, blinding them. They then slipped and slid on the floor, which Candy had already coated in oil. That’s when she busted out the oil balloons, tossing them at the invading army, splashing them with more oil. “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!” she cackled.

Lillian and Nora scrambled for cover behind a crate as balloons continued to splash on the floor, making it even more slippery. They screamed obscenities as they peaked from cover and fired at Candy. They were each able to hit her left titty and the right titty, earning them a couple of oil balloons in response. Candy then pulled out her own soaker - a CPS 3200. In addition to the tank in the soaker itself, it came with four different nozzle settings and a backpack full of enough extra oil to hold off a small army. She wore a bloodthirsty grin as she turned to the spray nozzle and effectively hosed down the hunies in sexy oil.

Tiffany gathered her courage and began charging from her hiding spot. Candy noticed her approach and took aim, setting her nozzle to a single, harsh stream. “Nooooo!” Jessie shouted as she stood in front of her daughter and took the full blast. She slipped and fell to the floor.

“Mom!” Tiffany shouted as she knelt beside her oiled up and slightly bruised mother.

“Tiffany…..I’m so proud of you…..” she said. Tiffany roared in fury as she unloaded all the oil she had in her tank on Candy’s position. But it was all for naught as an oil balloon hit her right in the chest, detonating and splashing oil all over her tits. The younger Maye slipped and fell.

“Woah….” Aiko said as she peaked from cover to observe the scene. With the floor so slippery from all the oil, none of the hunies could really get close enough from Candy to dislodge her from her position. Many were exposed on the floor, trying to get away from the spraying oil and oil balloons, their bikinis so soaked with oil that they might as well not even be there anymore, as erect nipples and cametoes became more and more visible through them. “I have the weirdest lady boner right now.”

“You can masturbate later, darling.” Nadia said as she patted Aiko’s shoulder. “Right now, we have battle to win.”

“This is bad.” Lailani observed as she saw Candy refilling her soaker with a seemingly practiced ease and speed. “She’s got enough oil over there to last for hours. Meanwhile, we’re all down to half a tank at most and we can’t even get close to her!”

“Maybe you could motivate us with a war dance?” Sarah suggested.

“What?” Lailani asked.

“You know, a war dance. A…..a haka! That’s what it’s called, right?” Sarah asked.

“That’s Maori!” Lailani protested. “I’m Hawaiian! Those are two totally different pacific island cultures!”

“I have idea.” Nadia said before coming of cover and charging forward, immediately tripping and falling on her ass. Candy grinned as she saw another Hunie out in the open and fired on the Russian dominatrix. Nadia threw her hair back and wiggled her chest, playing with her tits. “Yes! More! Give me all you’ve got!” she shouted, seemingly enjoying the baby oil shower.

“What the fuck is she doing?!” Audrey demanded.

“She’s distracting her!” Kyanna replied. “Now’s our chance! Come on, we’ll flank her from the right!” Kyanna, Audrey, Nora, Lillian and Tommy all charged out from their cover. Tommy immediately fell over and landed on his butt. Candy’s reflexes were almost cat-like as she blasted Tommy right in the crotch.

“Oooooh! Not the balls!” Tommy shouted. “Not fair! Not fair!” Candy followed it up with an oil balloon at Kyanna’s face, thrown with enough force to topple her over, knocking down the hunies right behind her. Another oil balloon and a shower from her soaker sent them scrambling back into cover.

“Nice going, Kyanna!” Audrey shouted. “Thanks to your fat ass, we’re back where we started!”

“Bitch, I will blast you myself!” Kyanna threatened.

“Try it, whore!” Audrey taunted. Kyanna growled and turned her soaker on Audrey, the latter screaming insults and obscenities at Kyanna.

“That’s it!” Audrey screeched as she charged out from cover. “Move over, Tits McGee! I’m on your team!”

“Welcome to the Candyland Army, Audrey!” Candy congratulated as she handed Audrey a spare bottle of baby oil, one of many she had in reserve.

“Traitor!” Renee shouted from behind a crate. Now there were TWO hunies off their rockers with super soakers full of oil, spraying down the whole sound stage. Whereas approaching the position was difficult before, now it seemed all but impossible. It was starting to look like Candy had won.

That’s when the door outside suddenly swung open. Brooke slowly marched in, wearing a blue sling bikini that just barely covered her crotch and nipples. In her hands was the ultimate super soaker, the Monster XL - a weapon that truly lived up to its name. 38.5 inches long and 4.3 kilograms, it had twin barrels, six nozzle settings for each, and even its own kickstand, though Brooke didn’t need it. Not today. She leapt and slid across the floor like a graceful figure skater, raised her weapon, and fired baby oil out of both barrels.

The twin blasts hit dead center, blasting both Candy and Audrey in their faces, eliciting panicked screams from them and actually sent Audrey falling off the perch and crashing to the ground. “Now’s our chance! Move!” Kyanna shouted. The hunies all came out from cover, even Aiko who had to groan in annoyance as she took her fingers from out of her panties to finish up the fight. Without Candy or Audrey to harass their approach, they were able to make it across the slippery floor and scale the fortress.

“Come here!” Lillian said as she grabbed Candy by one of her pigtails.

“Ow! Ow! Don’t pull so hard!” Candy protested as Lillian pulled Candy from her perch. Tiffany grabbed her arm and helped Lillian pull Candy to the floor. She then held one arm as Lola held another, keeping the stripper still. Brooke stepped in front of her, raised her Monster XL and grinned evilly. “Uh……”

“This is for ruining my scene……” Brooke hissed.

“NOOOOOOO!!!!” Candy said as she was hosed down in baby oil on full blast. “IT’S A MAD HOUSE!!! A MAAAAAD HOOOOOOUUUUSE!!!!!!” she screamed until finally, her arms got so slippery that they slipped from Tiffany’s and Lola’s grip and she fell to the floor. The other hunies swarmed around her, emptying the last of their tanks all over Candy’s body. She ripped off her own police uniform, for some inexplicable reason, leaving her tits and pussy exposed as she was hosed down by the rest of the entire studio. When the last drop was expended, Candy laid their on the floor, naked as the day she was born, her skin shining like she was made from solid gold or something else really shiny.

“…..It’s over.” Brooke said. The other hunies raised their super soakers and shouted ‘huzzah!’ Over the sound of their cheering, there was a slow clap coming from above. The hunies looked up. There, on the catwalk above the soundstage was Kyu, giving the hunies a round of applause. Standing next to her was Nikki, camcorder in hand.

“Nice work, my Hunies!” Kyu congratulated. “Not only did we get the soundstage back, but we also got an AWESOME new video out of it!”

“You were recording the whole thing?!” Tiffany demanded.

“Duh. Why did you think I ordered you all to wear bikinis?” Kyu asked. “As for YOU, little Ms. Revolutionary!” she pointed at Candy as she struggled to stand back up. She slipped and fell on her butt, the floor still very slippery. “Guess who just signed up for a two-hour livestream with Nadia this weekend?”

“….Me?” Candy asked.

“Smart girl!” Kyu shouted back. “Nadia, don’t hold back. Give her your worst.”

“Understood!” Nadia said as she grabbed Candy up by the pig tails and pulled her up to her feet with one arm - an impressive feet as the stripper was much taller than the dominatrix. Candy whimpered in response, silently begging for mercy that she knew the Russian wouldn’t give.

“How we lookin’, Nikki?” Kyu asked.

“I got everything.” Nikki replied.

“Bitchin’! This video could well be our most-“

The camera suddenly slipped from Nikki’s hand and fell, shattering into a hundred pieces after hitting the floor. “…..My hands got all oily.” Nikki quietly said.

“….I’m sorry, did I say two-hour livestream? I meant _three hours_!” she snarled at Candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so in case this chapter didn't make it obvious, Candace is kinda my favorite Huniecam girl, and not just because of the double-F cups (although they definitely help). Her description as a ditzy airhead makes me imagine her as this big lovable goofball who prioritizes having fun over lame stuff like "responsibilities" and "consequences." With a new Huniepop game coming out next year, I'm really hoping Candace will be one of the dateable girls and that my headcanoned personality for her won't be too far off the mark.
> 
> Big shout-out to THE Cypher_DS for leaving a review. It's actually quite an honor - I'm a big fan of Love Fairy's Apprentice. It was so good, I actually read through the whole thing in a day. I'll be working on his request next. It won't be QUITE the way he requested it, because I already had an idea for an episode similar to his own, so I'm going to merge them a bit.
> 
> Also, thinking about renaming this fanfic. I named it "Huniepop Chronicles" to make it sound like a series of short stories about the Hunies, but now I'm rethinking of going with a slightly more generic title. "Huniepop Studios" or something like that. Make it sound more like a sitcom.


	4. Bad School Day

After the loading bar finished filling, Aiko’s face appeared on the screen. She smiled and waved. “Hi, gang!” she waved.

“Hi Aiko!” the other girls replied from their usual meeting place - the big Huniecouch on the set. Some of the hellos were more enthusiastic than others - Nora, Lillian and especially Audrey were less than thrilled with being in the room. Kyu was basically forcing them all to say hello to Aiko with the others while she was visiting family in Japan. Some bullshit about ‘team-building.’

“So, how was your aunt’s birthday?” Beli asked.

“Pretty well. Uncle Gengo had too much sake and nearly drowned in the koi fish pond!” she said with a laugh. “Ah man, sometimes I wonder why I don’t come out here more often. And then I remember it’s an 18-hour flight from here to the U.S. and I’m like ‘oh, that’s why!’” she went on, laughing at her own joke once again. “Oh, but seriously, I’m flying coach home. Pray for me, people.”

“So, you’ll be back on Monday?” Kyu asked.

“Actually boss……my flight actually got delayed.” Aiko confessed. “I might not be back until Friday.”

“But that’s a whole week from now!” Kyu replied.

“Sorry boss, them’s the breaks. Well, I gotta go. There’s a pachinko machine with my name on it! See ya!” she said as she hastily cut off the Skype call.

“Okay!” Kyu said as she walked in front of all the Hunies. She shooed away Bradley, who’d been standing in one place holding the laptop open the whole time, because that’s all he’s good for. “So, with Aiko MIA for another week, we’ve got a real problems on our hands, Hunies. She - “

Kyu stopped as soon as she realized Zoey was in the room.

“…Is one of our best performers because she is smart, funny, sexy, confidant and independent! And having one less woman like that around is a real blow, but we’ll find a way through it! Zoey, could you go……get us……”

“Burritos?” Tommy suggested.

“Yes! Burritos! Go get us burritos!” Kyu said.

“Awesome!” Zoey enthusiastically stated. “I know this one place that does take-out, you’re all gonna love it! It’s all authentic Mexican food from real Mexican immigrants - not some culture-exploiting corporation like Taco Bell.” she said as she walked out of the room.

“Okay!” Kyu repeated once Zoey was out of the room. “Now with MC PC gone, we can talk about the REAL problem - Aiko was our only Asian, and we need someone else to tide over the weaboo crowd until she gets back.”

“Do we really need an Asian porn star that badly?” Nikki asked.

“Yes!” Kyu replied. “Gross otaku fanboys make up, like, half of our target demographic! The kind of guys who jack off to dating sims full of virtual anime girls! Those guys came here for Aiko, and without any new videos of her for a while, our traffic numbers have been the lowest they’ve been in months! We’re in crisis mode, people! We need to lure those creeps back ASAP!”

Kyu turned to Beli. “Beli! You’re our new Asian!”

“….I am?” Beli asked.

“You’re Indian-American, right?” Kyu asked. “Well, India is part of Asia. Ergo, you are Asian.”

“True, but still, I’m fairly certain that Indian and Asian are considered two different ethnicities with distinct cultural identities.” Beli replied.

“Oh my God, you sound like Zoey, fine! Lailani!” Kyu said as she pointed to the island girl.

“Polynesian.” Lailani huffed as she put her hands on her hips. “I’m not even on the same continent as Aiko.”

“Argh!” Kyu growled. “Is one Asian so much to ask! I’ll literally take ANYONE!!!”

“Konichiwaaaaaa!!!!” Sarah said as she suddenly entered the room. “Sorry I’m late. I didn’t miss the Skype call with Aiko-sempai, did I?”

“….Else!” Kyu added. “I’ll literally take anyone else!!!”

*******

“Awww, but I can be your new lead Asian!” Sarah said. Kyu sighed as she leaned back in her chair, staring at the girl from across her deck. She was already starting to regret saying ‘sure’ when Sarah asked to see her in her office.

“Sarah….” Kyu began.

“Suki.” Sarah corrected.

“No. Sarah.” Kyu shot down. “You are not Asian. You are white. You are whiter than a republican eating white bread in a blizzard.”

“Well….okay.” Sarah reluctantly admitted. “But do the weaboos know that?”

“….She has a point.” Bradley pointed out.

“Shut up, Bradley.” Kyu said. “Okay Sarah, let’s assume I’m willing to hear you out. What have you got for me?”

“A live-action hentai!” Sarah pitched.

“….So, a regular porn video then.” Kyu replied.

“No no, hentai! All japanese!” Sarah went on. “It’ll be an adaptation of the most legendary hentai, School Days!”

“Isn’t that the one where the girl murders the guy, and then the other cuts off his head and sails off on a boat with it?” Kyu asked.

“Yup!” Sarah replied. “Don’t worry, though. I promise to use one of the good endings. In fact!” she reached into her backpack and pulled out a stack of papers and plopped them on Kyu’s desk. “I’ve already got a script!”

“‘Oh my’ Sekai breathed as she saw the thirteen-inch dingle-do twitch in front her….” Kyu read aloud. She flipped through some of the other pages. “Pretty sure Draco Malfoy doesn’t appear in School Days……or any of the Overwatch characters, for that matter.”

“Those were cameo appearances.” Sarah explained.

“So, you basically want me to bankroll a live-action adaptation of what appears to be a bad fanfic you wrote in High School.” Kyu asked.

“Hey, it’s not bad! It got twenty kudos on Archive of Our Own.” Sarah argued.

“Hmmmm…..well, this IS the kind of thing our fans would go for. Ah, fuck it. Fine. You’ve got your movie, Sarah.” Kyu said.

“Awesome!” Sarah replied. “Can I direct?”

“Sure! This turd is all yours.” Kyu replied.

*******

_”Ah!” Kotonaha gasped as Makoto continued to nibble on the girl’s clitoris. “N-no Makoto! N-not there! I’m all sweaty!”_

_“I don’t mind it, Koto-chan.” Makoto breathed as he continued to eat her out. She affectionately cradled his head lovingly as she rocked her hips into his face in time with his tongue._

_“What about Sekai?” Kotonaha asked._

_“Forget her.” Makoto replied. “I want you.”_

_“Oh Makoto!”_

_It was then that the door to the living room opened. Sekai Saionji walked into the scene and stared at Makoto and Kotonaha on the couch together. “….¡Eres un idiota!”_

_“CUT!”_

********

“Nora! You forgot your lines again!” Sarah scolded as she got up out of her director’s chair. She was taking her newfound role of director very seriously, wearing a bright rainbow beret and a shouting cone that was bright pink with glitter.

“I was improvising.” Nora said as she fished a box of cigarettes out of the pocket of her Japanese school uniform jacket and stuck one in her mouth. “Threw a little of me into the character, you know?”

“Why did you even cast Nora as Sekai?” Nikki asked.

“Because out of all of us, she’s got the most skill with a knife.” Sarah replied.

“…..Do I even wanna know the story behind that?” Nikki asked.

“I grew up in a rough neighborhood.” Nora cryptically muttered as she lit the cig. It was her usual answer to MANY questions.

“Was I okay?” Renee asked.

“Oh, you were AWESOME, Renee!” Sarah said. “Your Kotonaha was spot on!”

“Boom, bitch!” Renee asked. “And my folks said that Japanese class was a waste of time!”

“And me?” Tommy asked.

“You’re generic as always!” Sarah said, giving the only male hunie a thumbs up. Tommy pumped a fist in silent victory.

It was then that the sound of a paper bag dropping was heard. The Hunies turned toward the entrance to the sound stage, the noise’s source. There was Zoey. At her feet was a large bag of Mexican take out, silently staring at the sound stage. “…..Are those japanese school girl uniforms?” Zoey asked, her tone unusually and terrifyingly flat.

“Er, yeah.” Nikki answered.

“……….Are Tommy, Renee and Nora all wearing yellow-face?” Zoey asked. Her eye was twitching now.

“Is that what this is?” Tommy asked. “I thought it was the same make up they used in Cloud Atlas.”

Zoey roared.

Like, legitimately roared.

If this were animated, it would be the T-rex roar from Jurassic Park.

Along with t-rex stomps as she stomped over to Sarah, already starting to foam at the mouth. “Okay, I know what this looks like.” Sarah said as she slowly started backing up. “But like Tommy said, the Wachowski Sisters used these makeup techniques for Cloud Atlas, which means that if you try to beat me up, you’d technically be transphobic.”

Zoey was not convinced as she screeched like a velociraptor and all but pounced on Sarah. Sarah shrieked and ran like Hell itself was chasing her. Zoey turned to the three actors. “Wipe that racism off your face before I RIP IT OFF!!” she snarled. Tommy, Nora and Renee wisely did as they were told as they each grabbed a towel and wiped off their makeup vigorously as Zoey turned her attention back to the offending weaboo and gave chase.

“You think we should stop her?” Tommy asked once Zoey was gone.

“You wanna try to take down Zoey when she goes Full-Tumblr? Be my guest.” Nora said.

“Wait - YOU’RE afraid of Zoey?” Tommy asked.

“Hell yeah I am.” Nora said. “I’ve seen what that girl does to white dudes with dreads. There’s a reason they call ‘em Social Justice WARRIORS.”

****************  
The next day…  
***************

“Okay.” Zoey started as she sat in Kyu’s office. “I’ll admit. I may have overreacted yesterday.”

“You tried to claw Sarah’s eyes out with your bare hands.” Bradley pointed out.

“Well, rest assured. I’ve calmed down since then, and I’ve written up a proper response to Sarah’s gross use of yellow face.” Zoey replied as she dropped a twenty-page-long essay on Kyu’s desk. She then sat there, looking very proud of herself.

“Okay. Look. Zoey.” Kyu said as she shoved the essay aside. “The fact is, until we get Aiko back, we need something to draw in the otaku crowd and, like it or not, Sarah was our best shot.”

Zoey sighed. “But must we truly resort to an outdated, offensive, harmful make up practice to accomplish that goal.”

“This is actually very well researched.” Bradley said through the essay.

“Shut up, Bradley.” Kyu said. “Okay, compromise. I’ll admit that putting Sarah in charge of LITERALLY ANYTHING was one of my less brilliant ideas. SO, why don’t YOU co-direct Sarah’s production just to make sure everything is on the up and up.”

“Awesome!” Zoey replied. “Do I get a rainbow beret too?”

“Okay, but don’t lose it. We’ve only got two of those.” Kyu said.

******

_Sekai and Kotonaha moaned as their pussies rubbed and slided against each other, their juices intermingling along with their moans. “Koto-kun….” Sekai breathed. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too, Sekai.” Kotonaha whimpered._

_Meanwhile, as the two girls made love on the couch, Makoto’s rotting, stab-wound filled corpse was seen sitting in the corner, some of the knives still sticking out of his hateful body._

_“Hold on a second.”_

_“Oh for - CUT!”_

*******

“What now?” Zoey said as she put her hands on her hips. Nora and Renee both groaned as they each paused in their scissoring and gave Sarah a dirty look. This is the third time she’s yelled Cut now, and frankly, the two women just want to get off at this point.

“I’m having second thoughts about killing off Makoto.” Sarah said as she flipped through the script, examining Zoey’s numerous re-writes. “I mean, it kind of comes out of nowhere.”

“Oh please.” Zoey said as she rolled her eyes. “The original School Days was all about deconstructing the harem anime genre, its protagonist being portrayed as a borderline sociopath toying with the hearts and minds of two young women. I’m just bringing that premise to its logical conclusion.”

“Having Sekai and Kotonaha realize their love for each other as they both stab Makoto to death?” Sarah asked.

“Precisely!” Zoey replied. “See, School Days was ALWAYS secretly a feminist narrative. I’m just putting an LGBT twist on it.”

“That’s great and all, but….” she paused. “Kotonaha and Makoto were kind of always my OTP, and this is MY production so……”

“And we all appreciate your sacrifice.” Zoey said with a false pat on Sarah’s shoulder. “Okay, Lola your part is almost up. You remember your lines?”

“Cheers love! The cavalry’s queer!” Lola said in a pitch perfect British accent in her Tracer cosplay.

“Love it!” Zoey replied with a thumbs up.

“Hey wait a minute, you can’t cast Lola as Tracer!” Sarah protested.

“Why not?” Zoey asked.

“She’s black! Tracer’s white!”

“This coming from the woman who cast a black woman and a latina to portray two Japanese school girls.” Zoey deadpanned. “Besides, at least I’m not using racially insensitive makeup.”

“Are you STILL on about that?” Sarah demanded. “I was trying to make them look more authentically Asian!”

Nikki, Kyanna, Renee and Nora all sighed as Sarah and Zoey began yet another argument regarding the artistic direction of this by-now thoroughly botched project. In between filming other scenes, they had all spent the last week trying, and failing to put this production together. Given how much time and resources it was eating up, it was a wonder that Kyu hadn’t pulled the plug yet.

Tommy, who had been corpsing for the last fifteen minutes, slumped onto his side, a bit of drool escaping his mouth. This ended the co-directors’ argument for a moment. “Oh great, Tommy fell asleep again. Kyanna, could you go poke him with a stick or something?” Zoey asked.

“I don’t blame him.” Kyanna said as she set down the mic. “You two have been at each other’s throats since day one and working us all to death. All of our shifts ended TWO HOURS ago!”

“Yeah, I’m kinda with Kyanna on this one.” Nikki said. “This whole production is pretty much FUBAR.”

Zoey sighed. “You might be right. We may just have to scrap the whole thing and start over from scratch.” The entire crew groaned.

“What?!” Sarah demanded. “No! We can’t do that! This is my dream project! We’ve gotta keep working!” The entire crew groaned again.

“Face it, Sarah - this entire production is fucked.” Zoey said as she flipped through the script. “I agreed to be co-director because I thought I could salvage something out this trainwreck, but evidently, even I can only do so much for a series that’s basically about the numerous ways a single misogynist can destroy families.”

“Weren’t YOU calling it a secretly feminist narrative a few minutes ago?”

“I thought it was. The potential for subversion has always been there, I felt, but now I’m not so sure. I shouldn’t be surprised, really. It’s a series that fetishizes the manipulation and exploitation of womens’ emotions. It may have tried to make a point, but unfortunately, that point got deluded by misinterpretation by people like you.”

“Like me?!”

“You said so yourself. Makoto and Kotonaha are your ‘OTP.’ Did the fact that Makoto was a complete and utter sociopath ever factor into your shipping?”

“Only in some paths! In other paths, Makoto is the perfect husbando!”

“‘Husbando.’ And THERE is the root of the problem! Of course this production was doomed to failure with YOU at the helm!”

“Me?!”

“Your problem is that you’re so in love with ‘kawaii aesthetics’, and yet you display no regard for the culture that actually spawned them! You take the stories at face value without any regard for cultural context!”

“Hey! I’ve dedicated my LIFE to understanding Japanese culture!”

“An extensive anime collection does NOT equate to cultural understanding, _Sarah._

“MY. NAME. IS. SUKI!!!”

With a roar of her own, Sarah tackled Zoey to the ground and tried to tear her to shreds. Zoey was fighting back however, as she had claws of her of own.

“Zzzzzz….huh? Wha, what’s goin’ on?” Tommy said as he was awakened by the sudden commotion.

“I think we’ve finally reached the tipping point.” Renee said as she watched Zoey and Sarah roll around on the ground, ripping each other’s clothes to pieces while insulting one another’s fashion tastes.

“…Are you filming this?” Kyanna asked as Nikki held up her cam corder.

“Part of Kyu’s policy - if cat fights break out on set, I’m supposed to film them.” Nikki replied.

“…Kyu planned this, didn’t she?” Kyanna asked.

“Probably.” Nikki replied with a shrug.

“Hey girls!” Came a voice into the sound stage. The crew turned around and saw an old face in the doorway. Even Zoey and Sarah stopped mid-struggle to see…

“Aiko!” everyone greeted.

“What did I miss?” Aiko said as she walked up to the soundstage and saw Nora and Renee still in mid-tribadism and Zoey and Sarah mid-cat fight. The latter pair’s clothes were severely shredded up at this point, scraps of Sarah’s pink and Zoey’s blue everywhere, one of the pinks in Zoey’s mouth, as she had gotten on top of Sarah with a hand on her face. “Something really hot, it looks like.”

Zoey and Sarah wasted little time in standing up and pointing fingers at each other.

“You should’ve seen her Aiko! She was using yellow face! YELLOW FACE!”

“I was trying to make an adaptation to an awesome visual novel, BUT SHE WOULDN’T LET ME!”

“There were pointless cameos all over the place!”

“She tried to make everything gay!”

“She tried to cram down a flawed narrative that glorified the exploitation of women!”

“She murdered my husbando!”

The two young ladies were suddenly silenced as Aiko quickly popped two ball gags into their mouths. Apparently, she kept ball gags in her purse for precisely this occasion. She turned to Kyanna. “Could you translate that?”

“Kyu let them co-direct a movie together.” Kyanna explained.

“Did you get the cat fight on tape, Nikki?” Aiko asked.

“Oh yeah.” Nikki said as she turned off the camcorder.

“Awesome.” Aiko replied. She turned to Zoey and Sarah. “You two. Go to the employee lounge and wait for me while the _adults_ sort this all out.” Zoey and Sarah slinked off with their tails between their legs.

******

The two girls sat on opposite sides of the lounge couch for what felt like hours, both trying to look at anything in the room besides each other. Neither of them saying a word, each deciding they want nothing to do with the other. Finally, Aiko would walk into the room, crossing her arms and looking down on them like a parent who wasn’t angry, just disappointed.

“….So.” Aiko began. “Sounds like you two were keeping the others busy while I was away.”

“She started it.” Zoey quickly said, pointing a finger at Sarah.

“I did not!” Sarah replied.

“Yes you did! With your racist makeup practices!”

“I’m not racist!”

“Hey!” Aiko said with an authoritative clap. “Eyes up here, girls. Now then, Zoey. Sarah isn’t actually racist.”

“She’s not?” Zoey asked as Sarah flashed her a smug smirk.

“No. She’s just pathetic.”

“I am?” Sarah replied.

“Mmhm.” Aiko replied with a nod. “I mean you’ve been dedicating yourself to this ‘kawaii’ aesthetic for God only knows how long, not even going by your real name anymore and……why? Do you really hate yourself so much that you felt a need to become someone else entirely?”

Sarah began to stare at the floor. “You strike me as someone who got bullied a lot in high school.” Aiko went on. “You got bullied and it got to you, didn’t it? So you tried to change who you were, try to be the kind of person you WANT to be. Someone who’s adorable and enthusiastic and outgoing. And yeah, Zoey’s right - it IS fucked up that you turned to a culture that isn’t even yours to create that new identity.”

“Told ya.” Zoey smugly added.

“I mean, for fuck’s sake Sarah - you tried to give yourself a new name. A new SKIN COLOR, even! Do you have any idea what that’s like? Watching yet another white person try to appropriate my culture just because she thought it made for a really cute dress? There’s a reason cultural appropriation is such a hot-button issues these days, you know. It reminds us of a time when white assholes ran around the world, taking everything they wanted and murdering any colored person that dared to complain about it. In 1853, America forced my country to open up its ports for trade LITERALLY AT GUNPOINT. You can’t just FORGET that kind of shit happened.”

Aiko sighed from her little rant. “So there you have it - I’m not mad at you Sarah, because frankly, I feel too sorry for you to be mad. Now, if you’re genuinely fascinated with Japanese culture and history, I’m okay with that. Really. All I ask is that you treat my people’s heritage with a little more respect than you would that new t-shirt you bought at the Hot Topic.”

Sarah was very uncomfortable and silent as she stared at the floor, like the scolded child she very much was. “Daaaaayumn.” Zoey replied. “Epic drag, Aiko.”

“Good to hear you approve Zoey, because here comes yours - you’ve got the same problem.” Aiko said as she locked her steely gaze on Zoey next.

“…Beg pardon?” Zoey asked.

“See, while Sarah strikes me as someone who got bullied a lot, you strike me as someone who failed to stand out _at all_. So there you are, browsing Tumblr one day, desperately searching for an identity to call your own, up until you stumble across a post pointing out someone’s racism or homophobia. It got you fired up, you liked it, reblogged it, did the same for a bunch of other similar posts and suddenly you had an identity - activist!”

“You started up your own Social Justice blog, wrote a few long-winded opinion pieces, you feel so righteous about it, don’t you? Trouble is, you don’t know when to turn it off. You didn’t know when to stop You start looking at everything and everyone around you with a scrutinizing eye, ever alert for the slightest HINT of intolerance or political incorrectness, ready to call it out so you can get that sweet high that only comes from self-righteousness. And worst of all, you start championing causes that aren’t yours to champion - claiming you speak for, say, Asian-Americans like me, when I don’t remember giving you permission to speak on my behalf.”

Zoey’s gaze turned to the floor now as well, looking much like Sarah. “And you know what the REAL tragedy is here, Zoey? Most of the time, you’re right. You’re right to stand against hatred and intolerance. You’re right to point out the systemic oppression in our society. I actually AGREE with most of your political opinions. There’s nothing WRONG with the message. It’s just that, sometimes, the messenger is a complete and utter bitch. And that hurts the message more than you realize.”

Both Sarah and Zoey were staring at the ground, both feeling very small at the moment. “You know, it’s funny.” Aiko said. “You two actually have a lot in common. You’ve both got self-esteem issues. A desperate need for attention. Ridiculous tastes in clothes.”

The two young millennials looked up at Aiko at the same time, looking somewhat offended. “Don’t argue, I’ve seen your wardrobes. You two look like you fell in a vat of rainbow chemicals and decided to become super villains.” Aiko then placed her hands on her hips. “And finally, you both still have a LOT of growing up to do.”

“…I’m sorry for appropriating Japanese culture.” Sarah shyly said.

“…And I’m sorry for trying to rip your face off on two separate occasions.” Zoey replied, just as shyly.

Aiko smiled. She took a seat between the two girls and pulled them into a big, three-way hug. “Okay, now that the after-school special is over, let’s talk about this production you’ve been working on. It’s fucked, and I’ve already told Kyu to pull the plug on it. But, I actually kinda like the idea of adapting a popular Japanese property into a live-action online film here on Huniepop.”

“You do?!” Sarah said excitedly.

“Done right this time.” Aiko added firmly. “Not School Days, though. I never cared for it. I feel like it fetishizes the manipulation and exploitations of womens’ emotions.”

Zoey flashed Sarah an ‘I told you so’ smirk, which made Sarah huff in reply.

“See, I’ve always been more of a Wicked City kind of girl.” Aiko said.

“Wicked City? What’s that?” Sarah asked.

“Popular series of horror novels. I’ve even got the anime movie version of it on DVD back home. And I was thinking that maybe the three of us could watch it together. Give you two a taste of authentic Japanese culture.”

“Hooray! Anime sleepover!” Sarah cheered.

“I am honored that you would share your culture with me, Aiko.” Zoey replied.

********************************************  
Later that night in Aiko’s apartment…  
********************************************

“Oh my God, what are they doing to her…” Zoey whispered in muted horror.

“Kawaii, kawaii, kawaii…” Sarah softly chanted as she rocked back in forth in the fetal position, trying to get into her happy place.

“You think THIS is bad?” Aiko asked. “You two should read the books sometime.” She sipped from her sake as she chuckled ruefully. “Lightweights…..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few days ago a completely new Huniepop Character was announced - Abia Nawazi! More diversity is always a good thing, and Zoey would have my back on that one. Thing is, between the next few chapters of this already being half way finished (like, each chapter is halfway started. I have trouble finishing things), and the fact that I'd rather wait until Huniepop 2's release so I can get to know her better, it's going to be a while before Huniepop Studios gets around to hiring her. Now that we know that completely new characters are on the table, I wonder what other wacky characters Ol' Ryan could be cooking up in his brain noodle...
> 
> I'm really hoping HP2 will have more of a story focus. I know that was the original plan for HP1, before Ryan became enamored with the cheesy dialogue and raunchy sex jokes and chose to put more emphasis on that. But come on, you can still have an entertaining story with cheesy dialogue and raunchy sex jokes. Hopefully this lil' fanfic is proof enough of that.


	5. Halloween Teaser

“Alright, gather around my Hunies! I’ve an announcement to make!” Kyu said, addressing the cast and crew of Huniepop Studios as they gathered on and around the HunieCouch (trademarked). “It’s October, and you all know what that means…”

“Bikini season is officially over?” Candy asked.

“Two more months until Eggnog, milk from God’s tit, graces our grocery stores?” Aiko asked.

“The weather gets colder, and the climate change deniers aren’t gonna shut the fuck up about it?” Nikki asked.

“No, you silly sluts! It’s Halloween!” Kyu excitedly said as Bradley pushed over a whiteboard adorned with an orange and black Halloween banner, listing various types of scenes and decorated with pumpkins and bats. “Over the next month, we’ll be filming several Halloween-themed videos.”

Kyu took out a pointing stick and used it to point at some of the proposed scene ideas on the board. “Nora will be a horny ghost. Beli will be a werewolf in heat - furries are gonna LOVE that one. Jessie will be a vampire queen.”

“Bullshit!” Lillian called. “I should be the vampire queen!”

“You can be one of my thralls, if you want.” Jessie suggested. “We could even film a scene where I bite you and turn you into a vampire yourself.”

Lillian gasped as inspiration struck. “And then I could murder you and usurp your throne, and then I become vampire queen! Holy shit, my OC has the perfect backstory now!”

“Happy to help.” Jessie replied.

“Aaaaanyway.” Kyu said a little louder than usual to get her Hunies’ attention back. “Once we’re done filming all these scenes, we’ll be hosting a big party on Halloween night for all of our investors.”

“We have investors?” Tiffany asked. “We don’t even have a fully stocked fridge half the time, but we have _investors_?”

“Damn straight!” Kyu said. “And some of them are very good friends of mine, so don’t do anything to embarrass me OR the company. Now then, attendance is mandatory, that means you Nikki, and costumes will be required. _Good_ costumes. None of that ‘toilet paper mummy’ shit, I need you hunies to really bring your A-game to this party. Remember - these people are the ones bank-rolling us, which means our fates are effectively in their hands.”

“So, no pressure.” Nora deadpanned.

“Of course not, it’s a party! We’re gonna get our draaaaank on!” Kyu cheerfully replied. “But in all seriousness, these people can destroy us anytime they want. I can NOT stress this enough. So bring snacks, drinks, and your best cosplay because this party needs to be PERFECT. Am I clear?”

All the hunies nodded.

“Good. Dismissed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right dear readers - the obligatory Halloween Special is upon us! My plan right now is to get another two or three chapters out the door (which should be doable, since they're each about halfway finished) before Halloween rolls around and the studio hosts the biggest costume party in town!
> 
> Which means the girls are gonna need costumes.
> 
> Which is where you all come in. I've got some ideas of what kind of costumes the girls could wear, but I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with a costume for each and everyone. So sound off in the comments what kind of costumes you think each girl could wear! Classic monsters, comic cosplay, Sarah dressed as Naruto, anything and everything is free game!


	6. Date Night

_“Mmmmmm…..” Lola moans as Tommy pumps his meat in and out of her, her leg positioned on top of his shoulder as she lays on the couch, Tommy holding it steady. “You gonna cum, big guy?” she coos as she strokes her breasts. Tommy nods dumbly. “Cum on my tits. I wanna feel your hot load on my tits……"_

_Tommy gasps as he pulls out and Lola quickly sits upright. She holds up her bust and leans her head back as Tommy jerks himself off and delivers his payload with a groan. The camera zooms in on the glazed breasts. Lola gathers some of the seed off her chest with one finger and licks it off like cookie dough. She turns to the camera and smiles, waving with wiggling fingers. “Bye….” she wistfully says._

*******

“Aaaaand, that’s a wrap!” Kyu said as she clapped her hands together from her director’s chair. “Beautiful work, people!”

“Thanks, boss.” Lola said as she took the towel offered to her by Tiffany and cleaned herself up.

“How was I?” Tommy asked as he also cleaned himself off.

“You brought your A-game like always.” Lola replied with a wink. Tommy smiled in response. He always tried to make sure that the girls enjoyed themselves during his scenes with them - something which they all always appreciated. Lola turned to Kyu. “That’s my last scene for the day, right?”

“Eeeeyup.” Kyu replied. “Why? You clockin’ out early?”

“Afraid so.” Lola said as she got up and put her robe on. “I’ve got a date tonight.”

“Nice! Who with?” Tiffany asked.

“His name’s Billy. I met him on OKCupid.” Lola explained.

“And he’s cool with….you know……” Tiffany said.

“My career as an adult actress?” Lola asked. “I’ve told him about it, and he says he’s fine with it.”

“Well, that’s good!” Tiffany replied. “I know it’s not easy to find a long-term relationship in this line of work.”

“Yeah, not enough open minds out there.” Lola replied with a sigh. “Here’s hoping Billy’s one of them.” she added with crossed fingers.

*******

Later that night, Lola found out that Billy was, in fact, not one of them. A whole hour at Vinnie’s restaurant spent sitting at a table, wearing her favorite white dress just for the occasion no less, staring at the empty seat on the other side of said table. She sighed. Stood up. Again.

Not for the first time, she wondered if quitting her old stewardess job to become an online porn star was really the best decision. Sure, the pay was better, and having sexy times with friendly, if a little eccentric, co-workers was far more enjoyable than being trapped in a confined space with entitled passengers for hours at a time. But she missed being able to see the world as she traveled it. And another thing she missed was dates.

It was hard for porn stars to date - Jessie warned Lola as much before she first signed on with Huniepop. At best, guys will do it for the hopes of actually banging a girl they’ve fantasized about for years, but leave as soon as the thrill of fantasy fades and the reality settles in - that her job is to fuck a hundred people who aren’t you. At worst, they won’t even look at you, dismissing you as damaged goods infested with venereal diseases and daddy issues.

Lola ordered another glass of wine from the waiter, finally realizing that she’d have no date tonight. She held up one of the spoons and frowned at her reflection. She felt restricted, a feeling she had always loathed above all others. Even worse, there wasn’t really anything she could do about it. She couldn’t go back to her stewardess job - that bridge was burned a while ago. Nor could she quit Huniepop, because not only was it what’s paying the bills, the damage was already done. Images of Lola sucking dick had already been seen by the Internet, and the Internet has a long memory. She racked her brain for solutions to this dilemma, a mental exercise that always ended in vain.

“Thanks Lindsay!” said a voice a few tables away. A very familiar voice. Lola looked up and saw…

“Tommy?” Lola asked as she spied her co-worker and Huniepop’s only male performer. She picked up her wine glass as she walked over to the table. “Tommy?”

“Oh, hey Lola.” Tommy said just as he was about to dig into a rather delicious-looking lasagna. “Didn’t know you were here.”

“My date was here.” Lola explained.

“Oh.” Tommy replied. He looked around. “Uh, where is he?”

“My date was _supposed_ to be here.” Lola explained, bitterly.

“Is he running late?” Tommy asked.

“He was supposed to be here and hour ago.”

“Wow. He’s _really_ late.”

Lola looked at the empty seat across from Tommy. “Your date running ‘really late’ too?”

“I don’t have a date.” Tommy said. “I’m just here for the food. This place has awesome pasta!”

He then went back to his lasagna, as if enthusiastically enjoying a dinner for one in a restaurant surrounded by couples was nothing to be ashamed of. Lola couldn’t help but envy that obliviousness, albeit for a moment.

“…Is it okay if I sit here with you?” Lola asked out of the blue.

“Oh, uh, sure.” Tommy said as he paused in his eating. “So, what did you have for dinner?”

“I…..haven’t really eaten anything yet.” Lola replied.

“What?” Tommy asked, genuinely surprised. “Why not?”

“I was waiting on Billy….” Lola sighed.

“Oh man, you must be starving. I’ll buy you dinner.”

“You really shouldn’t worry.”

“Nah, nah, I should. Uh, Lindsay!” he called the waiter over. Apparently he really was a regular to know one of the waitresses on a first name basis like that.

The pretty blonde young woman walked over. “Yeah Tom?” she asked.

“My friend Lola here hasn’t eaten in like an hour. Could you get her a menu or something?”

“No need. I already have it memorized.” Lola sighed in defeat. “I’ll have the salmon.” Tommy was being insistent, and the growling of her stomach made it all but impossible to argue.

“Comin’ right up!” The waitress enthusiastically replied as she wrote the order down and walked off.

“You eat here often?” Lola asked once the two were alone.

“About once every few weeks, but it’s kind of a new thing for me.” Tommy answered. “Before Kyu hired me on, I could never afford eating at a place like this.”

“Well, good to see you’re enjoying yourself.” Lola said. “What was your old job, by the way?”

“Advertising.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I twirled a sign outside this one fast-food place in a chicken suit.”

“Ah.”

“What about you?” Tommy asked. “You used to fly planes, right?”

Lola giggled. The wine was starting to get to her, it seemed. “Close. I was a stewardess.”

“Oh cool.” Tommy said. “You know, I’ve never been on a plane before. I bet it’s cool.”

“It is the first few times. It loses its charm quickly, though.” Lola replied. “Put enough people in a cramped space for hours at a time, and they begin to get cranky, and they often take out their frustrations out on the stewards. And that’s not even mentioning the hell it wreaks on your biological clock, constantly flying between time zones.”

“Sounds rough.” Tommy said.

Lola nodded. “I originally took the job as a way to see the world, and I actually did. I’ve been to London, Paris, Tokyo, and so on. Trouble was, I was so plagued by jet lag that I hardly had time to actually appreciate any of the sights and sounds of those places. Too busy appreciating the nearest bed after a long flight.” She shrugged. “I quit largely because I decided that that wasn’t how I wanted to experience the world.”

“So now you’re a cam girl?”

Lola nodded again. “Jessie recommended it to me. We were friends even before I signed on with Huniepop, and she always told me that I should go into modeling or some other such career. Kept saying that I definitely had the body for it.”

“Well, you do. You’re really beautiful.”

“Awww, you’re sweet.” Lola replied. “Anyway, she told me about this new studio she signed up with that does online videos and streams and they were willing to hire just about any girl willing to spread their legs on camera and, well, the rest is history.”

“You like it so far?”

“It has its ups and downs, like any other job. On the whole, I’d call it a step up over my old job. I’ve never really been all that shy about my body or my sexuality, and it even warms my heart a little to know that thousands of young men are having sexual fantasies about me even as we speak.” She sighed. “Still, I kind of miss traveling the world. Even if it wasn’t under ideal circumstances. I was in a military family growing up, so we moved around a lot. As a consequence I start feeling…..antsy whenever I’m in one place for too long.”

“Military family?”

Lola nodded. “My father and little brother are both with the Air Force. Arguably, I was carrying on the family tradition in my last job. Even though I was more of a lover than a fighter, I was still a Rembrite - we feel the most at home in the sky.”

Lola paused and averted Tommy’s gaze. “I haven’t really told them much about my new job. I just told them that I was a model and left it at that. They’re probably going to find out sooner or later, though. I mean, it’s the Air Force. I imagine a good chunk of Huniepop’s audience are soldiers stationed on-base who’ve gone months without sex. It’s only a matter of time until my poor little brother catches one of his friends masturbating to a picture of yours truly.”

Tommy chuckled at that. “So, I’ve told you my life story. How about yours?” Lola asked.

“Me?” Tommy replied after another gulp of lasagna. “Uhm……I used to leave out east.”

“You mean in the country?” Lola asked.

Tommy replied. “Eeeeyup. My family runs a dairy farm. I worked there most of my life. Soon as I was able to walk, Dad handed me a bucket and told me to get to work.”

“Ah, you’re a farm boy.” Lola said. “So THAT’s where you got that bod.”

“Bod?”

“Your body that most men in this town go to the gym five days a week like it’s a second job, just to get.” Lola explained.

“But I don’t work out…”

“You didn’t need to. You got your body from a lifetime of pure, honest labor.” Lola said in a sort of admiring tone. “And now here you are, in a job that allows you to have sex with a dozen women a day. Who says hard work doesn’t pay off?”

“My dad said quitters say that.” Tommy said.

“A toast to your father, then. A very wise man.” Lola said as she held up her glass. Tommy raised his own glass and clinked it against Lola’s. “So, what made you leave the farm?”

“I dunno.” Tommy replied with a shrug. “Just realized one day that farming was the only thing I ever did all my life. Thought that maybe there was something else I could do. So my folks gave me some start-up funds, I moved out of their house a few months ago, bought an apartment here and just….I dunno.” he shrugged again. “Just wanted to see what else I could do.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to find yourself.” Lola said. Tommy paused at that. Then looked at himself and the table.

“I’m….right here.” he said.

“No, I mean you’re trying to find out who you are, and what you really want out of life.” Lola replied, giggling a bit at Tommy’s simplicity again. “I think a lot of the girls at Huniepop are trying to figure that out too.”

“Including you?”

“No, I’ve got a different problem.” Lola sighed. “I do know what I want out of life, the trouble is actually getting my hands on it.”

“What do you want?”

“Two things, mainly. The first is to see the world. The second is companionship.”

“Sounds like you got lots of that in your first job, and now you’re getting a lot of the second.”

Lola shook her head. “Companionship and sex aren’t the same thing. For as much as it’s glorified by some and condemned by others, sex is ultimately just a fun thing that people do. It’s all well and good, but what I really want is something more long-term. A deeper emotional connection, you know?”

“And you’re having trouble finding one?” Tommy asked. “Why?”

“My choice of careers.” Lola replied with a sigh. “My own fault, really. As a stewardess, I couldn’t really stay in one place long enough to really commit to someone, and as a porn star, well……people don’t see me as the ‘take home to meet mother’ type anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because my job requires me to have sex with people for a living.”

“So?”

“People who I’m NOT dating.”

“……..Ooooooh.” Tommy replied as he finally figured it out. He then scowled. “That’s kinda bullshit.”

“You think so?” Lola asked.

“Well, yeah. Like you said, sex and companionship aren’t the same thing.” he said. “People should be able to love you no matter what your job is.”

Lola sighed. “I wish more people were like you, Tommy.”

********

Eventually Lola’s salmon would arrive, but she was enjoying Tommy’s company so much that she almost didn’t notice at first. They continued to chat throughout the night, trading stories, philosophies, and jokes. Tommy had never been the most worldly person Lola ever knew, but that was always a part of his charm. His wisdom lied in common sense, if that made sense at all. If it didn’t, Lola blames the wine. She’s been drinking a bit more than usual tonight.

“Soooo……favorite color?” Lola asked.

“Grass green.” Tommy replied.

“You are such a farm boy.”

“You?”

“Baby blue. It’s why I kinda miss my old job’s uniform. Okay, favorite season.”

“Er…….Mid-Autumn to Early Winter.”

“That’s unusually specific.”

“Well, I mean yanno. Halloween, Thanksgiving and then finally Christmas.”

“Ah. A lover of the holidays I see?”

“Decorations, awesome food, taking the time to appreciate friends and family. What’s not to love?”

“The out-of-control commercialism, mostly.”

“What about you?”

“Spring, without a doubt. Everything is so colorful and alive.”

“I get that. I love seeing the cows frolic in the fields after being cooped up all Winter.”

“…Cows frolic?”

“Oh yeah. They’re way more nimble than people think.”

“Soooo…..about that check…..” the waitress said as she came by.

“Oh!” Lola said as she hiccuped from the wine. “Yes, sorry, by all means, bring us that check.” The waitress nodded as she took off, as Lola and Tommy took out their wallets.

“I’ll pay.” Tommy said. “It was my dinner anyway.”

“Up until I crashed it.” Lola pointed out.

“You didn’t crash it. I invited you.” Tommy countered.

“Oh, at least let me pay for all the wine.” Lola said as she hiccuped again. She drank a lot of wine.

“Oh. I guess that’s fair.” Tommy replied with a shrug.

“…You’re supposed to offer to pay for everything you big lug.” Lola teased.

“…But you just said…” Tommy said, confused. Lola rolled her eyes.

“How did you ever get laid before taking this job?” she asked.

After the waiter came back with the check, and Tommy paid for the food (and Lola the wine), the two would get up. Lola would wobble a little as she stood up, prompting Tommy to take her arm. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah…” Lola replied. “Guess I drank more than I should have.”

“Give me your keys.” he said. “I’ll drive you home.”

Lola was a little too tipsy to really argue, so she fished her keys out of her purse and gave them to Tommy. He escorted her out of the restaurant and into the parking lot. Lola guided him to her car - a blue prius.

“This is one tiny car.” Tommy noted as he got behind the wheel.

“It’s fuel-efficient.” Lola replied. “And…..it’s good for the environment. There. I said it.”

“Um, okay.” Tommy said as he started the car.

As they navigated through Downtown Glenberry, Lola couldn’t help but steal an occasional glance from Tommy and blush, as lewd thoughts suddenly bubbled up in her head. He was always so cute, and so nice to her and all the other girls at Huniepop. It made her wonder… “Tommy, are you single?” she asked.

“Yep.” Tommy replied.

“…You should have a girlfriend.” Lola wistfully said. “A guy as nice as you deserves one.”

It was Tommy’s turn to blush now. “Er, thanks Lola.”

Eventually, they came up to Lola’s apartment building and, ever the gentleman, Tommy not only escorted Lola out of her car but also up the stairs all the way up to her apartment. The two paused as they stood outside her door. “…Thanks for being my date tonight, Tommy. I had a really great time.” she said.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Was that really a date?”

“Felt like one. First real date I had in a while.” She said as she smiled at him. Tommy’s cheeks were as red as beats by this point, something that Lola couldn’t help but giggle at. “You know….the night’s not over yet.” Lola said. “You wanna come in…?”

“Come in and do what?” Tommy asked.

“You know….” Lola purred as she leaned against the wall. She started to sensuously run her hand over her breasts, a finger hooking on the edge of the dress. Tommy’s eyes lit up as he caught Lola’s meaning and he blushed harder.

“Oh. Uh…..”

“Why so nervous?” Lola asked. “It’s nothing we haven’t done before. I mean…we literally did it just this afternoon.”

“Yeah, but that was work sex…” Tommy replied. “This…isn’t.”

“That’s why I want it.” Lola said. “Work sex is so mechanical. You have to angle your bodies just right to get the sexiest pose for the camera. I miss real sex. No audience to play it up for, no weird poses, just two people making love.”

“…Lola, you’re drunk.” Tommy finally pointed out. “My mom once told me that only creeps take drunk girls to bed.”

“I’m not that drunk.” Lola argued. “I wouldn’t even say I’m drunk. I’m tipsy, at best.”

“Tipsy is still kinda drunk…” Tommy went on.

Lola sighed in defeat, knowing Tommy isn’t about to budge so easily. “You are such a nice guy…” she said. “Can you at least cuddle with me on the couch for a while? I promise to keep it platonic.”

Tommy smiled. “That, I can do.”

******

The next morning, Lola awoke with her head laying on the strangest pillow - Tommy’s chest. She looked around her small apartment and saw that they were still on the living room couch in front of the TV, old cowboy movies still playing.

Through the haze of her mild hangover, Lola was able to recall the events of last night. After Lola invited Tommy into her apartment, they watched old movies late into the night until she fell asleep on top of him. She looked up at Tommy and smiled. He was still sound asleep. She smiled.

She slowly climbed off of him, stood up, and immediately regretted standing up as the headache hit her at full blast. She slowly shuffled towards the bathroom - three ibuprofen and a hot shower should take care of this. As she stepped into the shower and sighed in ecstasy as the hot water graced her skin, she suddenly remembered what she did last night.

She propositioned Tommy.

Lola wasn’t the type to get embarrassed easily but, well, let’s just say she was glad Jessie wasn’t there to see it. She’d never hear the end of it.

While it was very gentlemanly of Tommy to decline her offer on account of her intoxication, she found that the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it wasn’t just the alcohol talking when she offered herself to him. He was sweet, noble, and not too hard on the eyes either. ‘A drunk woman’s words are a sober woman’s thoughts’ as Jessie once said.

As she washed her naked body, a lewd idea suddenly came to her. It was a little silly, and perhaps embarrassing. But ultimately, she decided it was just too much fun to resist.

Besides, she missed real sex. Sober woman’s thoughts indeed.

********

Bacon.

Tommy smelled bacon.

Tommy’s eyes shot open. “I smell bacon.” he said as he sat up, sniffing like a starving dog. He had awakened on a couch in Lola’s apartment for reasons he completely forgot because BACON. He followed his nose into the kitchen and saw them - four juicy strips sizzling away on the pan. He licked his lips as he oggled the meat.

“Well, well.” said a familiar voice. “I had a feeling that the smell of sizzling bacon would wake you up. It’s the best wake-up call in the world if you ask me.”

Tommy looked up and saw Lola wearing a frilly, lavender-colored apron. She was standing near another pan, pouring batter into it from a bowl. “Thought I’d make some breakfast - hope you like blueberry pancakes!”

Tommy watched as the pancake batter, dotted with bits of blue-purple goodness, spread out across the pan to eventually harden into a pancake. “Oh my God, you’re actually drooling right now.” Lola observed with a giggle as Tommy started doing exactly that. “Coffee just finished brewing. Care for a cup?”

“Uh, sure.” Tommy said as he hesitantly pulled away from all that food.

“How do you like it?”

“With milk and a teaspoon of sugar.” He said.

“Coming right up…” Lola said as she turned around to pour Tommy out a cup. As soon as she turned around, that’s when Tommy saw it.

Lola’s butt. Naked. No underwear, nothing. Her entire back was naked as well.

Tommy then realized that the apron was literally the only thing Lola was wearing.

Lola turned back around and handed Tommy a cup and a wink. “There you go, big guy. That should hold you over till the meal’s all ready.”

“Uh, okay.” he said as he took the coffee and began sipping it.

“You know, you were such a sweet heart last night.” Lola said as she flipped the bacon with a pair of metal tongs, because only barbarians use forks. “Escorting me all the way back up to my room and then resisting temptation when it presented itself. There really should be more guys like you in the world.”

“Don’t mention it…” Tommy replied, now a bit nervous that he’s in the same room as a butt.

“…That said…I’m not drunk anymore. I’m quite sober now.” Lola said with a slight blush. “You see anything you like?”

“…Yes.” Tommy replied.

“Hmm…..” Lola hum as she flipped the pancake in the other pan. “I should check on the biscuits…” she said as she walked over to the oven and opened it, bending over to have a peak, giving Tommy yet another look at her delicious booty. Tommy couldn’t stop staring at it. Lola closed the oven door, but remained bent over. She looked over her shoulder. “Well…..?” she asked.

“Huh?” Tommy asked.

“I’m bent over, not wearing any panties, all you have to do is unzip your fly…” she idly listed.

“…Lola, do you wanna have sex with me?” Tommy asked.

Lola smiled. “I would. Right here, in fact. Right now.”

“But…..breakfast.”

“Don’t worry - I can multi-task.”

Lola walked back over to the stove to take the bacon out and put on another quartet of strips, this time however she was bent over the stove a little, her butt sticking out more. Tommy unzipped his fly and positioned himself behind her. As she watched the breakfast meat sizzle, she gasped as she felt Tommy’s own meat slide inside her.

“Ho, man.” Tommy breathed as he felt Lola’s insides squeeze his member. “You’re really wet, Lola.”

“Of course I am.” she replied. “I’ve been wanting this since last night. Now don’t fuck me too fast - I still need to make breakfast. Start slow.”

Tommy nodded as he began to slowly slide his cock in and out of her. Lola breathed as she savored the sensation of having him inside her. This was how it went for several minutes as she flipped the bacon strips, the pancake, and stirred up the chicken gravy they’d later pour on the biscuits. They had to go slow - any faster would be risky with both the stove and the oven on. Safety first, after all.

The pleasure from the sex was thankfully not enough to fully distract, just relax, as Lola removed the finished pancake from the pan onto the large plate. Four pancakes, two for each of them. Combine that with the bacon strips and the biscuits and gravy, it should make for quite the feast. She was sure that Tommy would be able to eat it all. Not only was he drooling at the sight of all that food, but all this thrusting he was doing had to be working up his appetite.

“Uh-oh….the biscuits….” Lola panted out. “Tommy……could you turn off the oven and pull out the rack?” she asked. Tommy put on an oven mitt with one hand, holding onto Lola’s hip with the other, as he turned off the oven and pulled out the oven rack, not really moving the biscuits from the baking pan, letting them cool where they were.

“Almost….done…..” she said as she removed the last bacon strip. “Ow!”

“Sorry!”

“No, no it wasn’t you.” Lola said as she fought through the pain and delivered the last strip to the bacon plate. “Just some grease flew on to my shoulder. That’s what I get for cooking bacon wearing nothing but an apron.” she said as she turned off the stove. “Okay. We’re done.”

Tommy paused in his fucking to lean over and lick some of the grease that landed on Lola’s shoulder. She shivered in pleasure as he did so. “I want some too…” she cooed as she craned her neck up to give Tommy a deep french kiss. He reached under her apron and began groping her breasts as they made out.

 _This_ was what Lola wanted. Real sex. No Kyu yelling cut or giving orders from a director’s chair. No camera to play up her orgasms. Just having a good time with someone she’s come to care about.

“Okay, Tommy…..” she said. “Faster, harder.”

“Yeah?” Tommy panted.

“Yeah. We should finish up before the food gets too cold anyway.” Lola said as she gripped the edges of the stove, knowing she was about to taken for a ride.

Tommy gripped her hips firmly as he picked up the pace, thrusting into her faster and harder like she wanted. Lola’s breathing quickened along with Tommy’s pace, and she couldn’t help the occasional gasp or moan here and there. She began moving her own hips in time with Tommy’s, knowing that she was getting closer to the edge and was getting more and more eager to get there.

“Oh………oh my…….” Lola gasped as she felt herself about to reach her climax.

“Lola….” Tommy breathed. “Where should I cum?”

“Inside me, please.” Lola quietly begged. After weeks of bukkake, she was ready to feel semen going where it was supposed to go. Tommy obliged as his thrusts became even faster and more desperate. After a few minutes, Lola could feel Tommy’s white hot seed shooting off inside her. She gasped and shuttered as her own orgasm was triggered and washed over her, her legs suddenly getting weak for a moment. Tommy caught her and pulled her into an embrace from behind. She craned her head up again and kissed him deeply as she came down off her high.

******

“That was an awesome breakfast, Lola.” Tommy said from the passenger’s seat as Lola drove them both to work.

“I’m glad you liked it.” Lola replied. “And the sex?”

“That was good too.” Tommy said, a little less enthusiastically.

“It better have been.” Lola teasingly threatened. For a few minutes after, the two drove in awkward, post-hookup silence.

“…So are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?” Tommy asked.

“…I’m not sure.” Lola replied. “We’re definitely more than just co-workers now. But beyond that, I don’t know.”

“Hm.” Tommy replied. “I guess we’ll have to go on a few more dates before we know for sure.”

Lola glanced at Tommy and smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

“How about…..the park?” Tommy asked. “You know, with all the ducks?”

“That sounds wonderful. We’ll go after work.” Lola replied.

The car eventually pulled into the parking lot of Huniepop Studios and the two climbed out. Linking arms, they marched through the front doors together and - 

“Oh I’m sorry, did I hurt your WHORE FEELINGS?!”

“Bitch, I am WARNING you…”

“Oh, what are you gonna do?! Get knocked up again and shoot triplets at me with your loose cannon cunt?”

“Cholo, I will CUT you!”

“Easy there, cuz!” Nora said as she struggled to hold back an increasingly murderous Kyanna from strangling Audrey. “Take it from me - she ain’t worth prison!”

Tommy and Lola looked on as Audrey continued to taunt Kyanna into a murderous rage that Nora could only just barely keep in check. In other words, a pretty standard Thursday. “…Best job I ever had.” Lola said.

“Why’s that?” Tommy asked.

“Because it’s how I met you.” Lola said with a smile. Tommy smiled back.

“Oh shit! Kyanna no!”

“Ha! Come at me bi- _HURK!_ ”

Tommy and Lola continued to give each other loving looks as Kyanna put Audrey into a choke hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much like Candy, Lola is one of my faves and I feel like she's one of the more underrated girls. I think that's largely because, in a cast full of nymphomaniacs, weaboos, and mega bitches, Lola has trouble standing out. She's the NORMAL one. She's like Tien in DBZ Abridged - "I'm the only sane woman in this fic. That's the joke." So I decided to hook her up with Tommy because hey, why not? He could use a little more development, I guess.
> 
> Okay, this chapter was really mushy and gushy. Next one will have more hilarity, I promise.


	7. Bats in the Belfry

“Okay, gather around my Hunies!” Kyu said as she clapped her hands, the afore-mentioned Hunies sitting on or standing around the giant couch on the soundstage. “Today is gonna be a VERY important day for us, so I don’t want ANY fuck-ups. A health inspector is gonna be paying us a visit today.”

“Health inspector?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah. That’s literally what I just said.” Kyu replied. “So, we won’t be filming any scenes today, I’m afraid. Instead, we’re gonna clean up the studio.”

“Do we have to?” Lillian groaned.

“Question - that couch you’re all sitting on. How many times a day do we use it for filming?”

“I think, like fifteen times or something?” Aiko replied.

“Give or take. Now, when was the last time _anyone_ cleaned it?” Kyu asked. The Hunies paused. Then, the ones who were sitting on the couch suddenly and hastily stood up. “Mmhmm. That’s what I thought.” Kyu stated.

“Am…..Am I gonna have a baby in my butt?” Candy asked aloud.

“The Health Inspector will be here by four.” Kyu said. “Which will give us all the time we need make this studio presentable.” The boss then put her hands on her hips and gave her staff an uncharacteristically stern look. “I’m serious, girls. We need to make this studio so clean, you could suck its dick. If we don’t, we get a failing grade, the health department shuts us down, and you’re all out of a job. So let’s see some real hustle today!”

********

And so, the cleaning commenced. The soundstage was first, being where all the action was and, thus, where most of the mess was. “Um, question.” Audrey asked aloud as she thrusted her mop into the bucket hard, taking out some of her aggression. “Why the FUCK are WE the ones doing this? Isn’t this what janitors are for?!”

“We don’t have any janitors.” Nora deadpanned as she mopped her own section of floor.

“Why not?!” Audrey demanded.

“Same reason we don’t have a lot of things - Kyu’s a cheapskate.” Nora explained.

“Will someone please kill me?” Lillian asked as she half-heartedly mopped over a spot that WOULD have come out if she mopped harder, but she was already fresh out of fucks to give.

Like all the other Hunies, the three girls were wearing boots, overalls, rubber gloves, even hair nets. Most of them looked decidedly unsexy in these outfits. MOST of them, as was evident as Jessie entered the soundstage with her own mop and bucket. She didn’t wear a shirt, the straps on her overalls being the only thing to cover up her nipples. “Oh come on, kids. This isn’t so bad.” she said in a motherly tone. “It may be hard work, but imagine how much better this place will look when we’re done.”

“Who are you? Snow fucking white?” Audrey asked.

“I wish.” Lilian added. “Like, if you could summon bluebirds with a whistle and THEY do all this shit so we don’t have to, that’d be awesome.”

“Sorry kids. But I guess I’m a little too risqué for Disney.” Jessie replied with a wispy chuckle as if a cute guy or girl told her a funny joke.

“Damn, Jess.” Nora commented. “Do you ever turn it off?”

“Turn what off?” Nora asked as she put a hand on her hip.

“THAT.” Nora replied. “I mean, you fuckin’ FOUND a way to take those ugly-ass overalls and make it look like a stripper outfit. _Why._ ”

“I’m just a sexual person.” Jessie replied with a shrug.

“Hey - so are the rest of us. That’s why we’re here, no judgin’.” Nora replied. “But there IS such a thing as ‘off the clock’ you know. You don’t have to be sexy all the time.”

“…I don’t?” Jessie asked.

“We don’t give a fuck.” Audrey replied.

It was then a squeaky fart pierced the room. Everyone turned to Jessie, who was now blushing. “….I don’t have to be sexy all the time.” She replied with a shrug.

“….How long were you holdin’ that one in?” Nora asked.

“An hour.” Jessie confessed with a sigh.

“Damn, that’s no good for you.” Nora replied. “Just let it out. That’s what I do.”

“I remember one time she got pissed at me and did it in my face.” Lillian said, leering at Nora, who simply laughed at the younger girl’s expense.

“Hey!” Kyu said over the intercom. “Quit trying to give the readers a new fetish and get back to work!”

********

Kyu turned off the intercom and went back to watching the four girls mop the soundstage below with her arms behind her back, looking like the overlord that she was. “Bradley. Talk to me.” she commanded.

“I’ve found out who the health inspector will be - a Mrs. Margaret Wellington.” Bradley said as he put his laptop on her desk. Kyu turned around and sat at her desk, reading the profile that Bradley had put together on the woman. “Caucasian, sixty-three-years old, has been working for the health department for more than thirty years. She’s responsible for shutting down dozens of hot dog stands, bars, cafes, apartment complexes, yoga studios, you name it. I’ve never seen a health inspector so strict. She gives failing grades for even the most minor infractions.”

“Sounds like someone needs a good orgasm.” Kyu commented as she went over her profile.

“That’s not even the worst of it.” Bradley went on. “From what I can tell from her social media feeds, she’s a staunch social conservative. She routinely goes on rants about how society is degrading because of, and I quote, ‘the destruction of the nucular family’, ‘keeping prayer out of school,’ and ‘the general loss of morals and hallowed traditions among the millennial generation.’”

“In other words, she is going to look for ANY excuse to permanently shut down an online cam girl operation.” Kyu replied with a sigh. “Perfect. Don’t suppose you’ve got any good news for me?”

“I do, actually.” Bradley said as he checked his clipboard. “I just checked in with the girls cleaning up the lounge area - no rotting food or signs of pests. The prop room is nowhere near as messy as it was before. The floors and walls are already looking cleaner than they’ve ever been. We’re keeping Candace occupied.”

*****

“I’m helping!” Candy announced aloud, standing in a closet where she’s not allowed to touch anything.

*****

“In summary, while Mrs. Wellington will certainly look for health code violations, I don’t think she’s going to find any.” Bradley said.

“Awesome!” Kyu said. “So as long as no last-minute fuck-ups occur, we’re aces.”

*****

“Okay.” Renee said as she put her hands on her hips. “Bathrooms and upstairs hallway are done. All that’s left is the attic and our part is over.”

“What’s up there?” Beli asked as she looked at the ceiling where the drop-down latter was supposed to be.

“Don’t know. I don’t even know if anyone’s ever been up there.” Renee replied as she put on a dust mask. “Here.” she said, handing another one to Beli. “LOTS of dust up there, probably.” Beli nodded as she donned the mask. “Alright, here we go.” Renee said as she pulled on the cord, and the ladder came down, already summoning a cloud of dust.

The two women ascended the ladder, and even through their masks, they could smell something….. _wrong_. “Oh damn, what’s that stench?” Renee asked.

“Hold on.” Beli said as she took out her smart phone and activated its flashlight function. The darkness was illuminated, and right away they saw the problem - thousands of small brown pellets that sparkled (despite having no right to given how much they stank) littered all over the floor.

“Oh Jesus, rat shit!” Renee cried. “We got rats!”

“I don’t know….” Beli said. “I’ve kept pet rats before, and I’ve never seen their poop sparkle.”

“You kept RATS as PETS?!” Renee demanded.

“When I was kid, yeah.” Beli replied shyly. She leaned in closer to observe the poop pellets. "The sparkly bits look like...insect wings. Rats don't really eat many insects. That's a diet more consistent with-"

The two ladies then heard a squeaking sound coming from above them. Beli shone the flashlight upwards, and it was there they saw the real source of the problem.

The ceiling was covered in bats.

They screeched and fluttered around the two girls upon being disturbed. Renee shrieked as she all but leapt down the ladder, Beli not far behind, and they closed the latter in a panic.

*****

“Bats?! We’ve got fucking bats?!” Audrey demanded. After Renee and Beli reported their discovery in the attic to Kyu, the CEO called an emergency hunie gathering to address this sudden disaster.

“Duuuuuuuude.” Lillian said. “That’s awesome!”

The other hunies gave the teenager a look. “What? Bats are goth as fuck! This place just got so much cooler!”

“What ISN’T cool is the apparent bat shit that’s all over the attic.” Kyu pointed out. “I don’t believe this - we’ve got a health inspector out for blood coming in an hour, and suddenly THIS gets dropped into my lap!”

“What do we do?” Tiffany asked.

“The only thing TO do - get rid of those bats.” Kyu said with hardened determination.

“Do we have to?” Beli asked aloud. Now all the hunies were giving HER a look. “What? That attic is their home.”

“Beli…..girl…..there’s bat turds everywhere up there.” Renee pointed out. “They gotta go.”

“Okay well…..perhaps we can do it non-lethally?” Beli suggested.

“We ain’t got time for that.” Nora said. “I say one of us just heads up there with a tennis racket and start swingin’.”

“Excellent!” Kyu said. “Now, I’ll need a volunteer. Who among you is willing to brave the depths of the attic to take on the bat colony?”

The hunies all shoved Tommy forward. “Thank you, Tommy. You’re a very brave man.”

“Uhh…..” Tommy replied.

****

“I’m not sure about this.” Tommy said.

“Oh relax, you’ve got protection.” Kyu pointed out. Indeed, Tommy was wearing a baseball catcher’s mask, a kevlar vest, oven mitts, and armed with a large tennis racket. “Now get up there and show ‘em what kind of man you are!” Kyu said as she pulled the string down, bringing the attic ladder down with it. “For Huniepop!”

“FOOOOR HUNIEPOP!!!” Tommy yelled as he charged up the ladder, at last finding his courage. Through the hole the girls could hear Tommy’s war cries and the bats’ screeching. A minute later, Tommy came back down the latter, Kyu closing up the attic entrance behind him, his makeshift armor covered in fresh bite marks.

“There….they were everywhere.” Tommy said.

“Where’s the tennis racket?” Tiffany asked.

“They took it from me.” Tommy replied. “It belongs to them now.”

Kyu nervously checked her watch. “Fuck my life, we’ve only got thirty minutes left!”

“Hold on, this might not be as bad as it looks.” Lola said. “Now I know this Mrs. Wellington sounds like a real stick in the mud, but I’m sure if we simply explain our situation, she’ll understand.”

“Um…..I’ve been going over her twitter history.” Bradley pointed out as she checked Wellington’s twitter on his smart phone. “Last year, she tweeted that, while she initially disliked Donald Trump, having Mike Pence as his VP was, quote, ‘a huge relief.’”

“….We are so fucked.” Kyu moaned, and not in the way she normally liked to moan.

“Welp, time to start looking for a new job….” Nikki said as she started going through classifieds on her smart phone.

“Marco? It’s me. Yeah, this whole ‘Huniepop’ side-gig isn’t workin’ out.” Marlena said, already on the phone with her agent.

“You know…I was actually starting to like you whores.” Audrey confessed.

“Now just wait a second!”

The hunies stopped chattering amongst themselves as they saw Tommy standing up and dramatically removing his catcher’s mask.

“You know, I haven’t been working at Huniepop Studios all that long. But already, it’s done me a lot of good.” he began. “I mean yeah, I get to have sex with a dozen hot babes every day, but it’s so much more than that. I get to have sex with a dozen _awesome people_ every day. Sarah - you’re so bubbly and cheerful, you never fail to bring a smile to my face whenever I see you.”

“Aaaawww……” Sarah blushed.

“Zoey - you’re so smart and passionate. When you see injustice, you don’t sit idly by.” Tommy went on.

“Yeah, well, I _am_ an activist.” Zoey humble-bragged.

“Tiffany, you’re not just the errand girl. You bring us relief when we need it. I know we take you for granted sometimes, but really, we’d go insane without you.”

“It’s true.” Lillian said as she lit a cigarette.

“Mm-hm.” Aiko agreed as she cracked open a cold one.

“Honestly - you’re ALL amazing.” Tommy continued. “Whether it’s Aiko’s brilliance, Beli’s compassion, or Audrey’s take-no-crap attitude. I’ve even been fortunate enough to be able to call one of you angels….. _my_ angel.” he said as he took Lola’s hands.

“Oh, Tommy…..” Lola said as she blushed, giving her boyfriend a kiss.

“You guys……you’re not just co-workers to me.” he said with determination as he pulled Lola closer into his arms and turned his steely gaze to the crowd. “You’re my family. And I’m not letting anyone destroy my family! Not a bunch of bats! Not a snooty health inspector! No one! Huniepop Forever!”

“Huniepop Forever!” Candy shouted as she came out of the nearby closet. The other hunies similarly cheered, all except for Kyu.

“Nice speech, but the health inspector is gonna be here in half an hour and we’ve got an attic full of literal shit.” Kyu pointed out.

“Yeah, it’s like _Ace Ventura 2_ up there.” Renee said.

“…Wait a minute.” Tommy said. “ _Ace Ventura 2_ …….that’s it!”

“What’s it?” Audrey asked.

“I have a plan!” Tommy asked. “Do we have any beekeeping suits?”

“In the prop room, probably.” Kyanna replied.

“Awesome! Go grab some! Bradley, make some calls! Does anyone have any gardening skills?”

“Yo.” Nora said as she held up her hand.

“You garden?” Lillian asked.

“Yup. Grew all my own weed back in the day.” Nora explained.

“Alright then!” Tommy said. “Here’s the plan…..”

*****

Margaret Wellington wrinkled her nose as she sat in her car and stared down the unassuming warehouse just across the street. It had been abandoned for years and was going to be torn down, up until a mysterious entrepreneur bought the property last year and renovated it into the most shameless den of sin in the entire city.

“Huniepop Studios…” she all but growled. A place where women threw away their self-respect and opened their legs in front of a camera, corrupting millions of young people, turning young women into whores and young men into adulterers. For the first time in years, she hesitated to even step foot outside her car - she had remained stoic in restaurants infested with cockroaches and book stores pushing a liberal agenda, but even she was sickened at the thought of stepping foot in such an unholy place.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself, muttering a quick prayer for strength. She had to do this, as much as it turned her stomach. For only she had the power to shut this sinful operation down once and for all. Besides, it wouldn’t take long. In a place like this, filth in every sense of the word came naturally. She will likely find a major violation inside of thirty seconds, brand the warehouse with a failing grade, and the task would be done.

Having gathered her courage, she stepped outside the car. “Margaret? Is that you?” The grey-haired woman and saw a familiar face passing by.

“Brooke?” Margaret asked as the brunette approached. “Why, I haven’t seen you in a dog’s age! What are you doing here?”

“Oh, just shopping for Halloween decorations.” Brooke answered as she held a bag full of fuzzy bats and smiley-faced skeletons. “What about you?”

“On the job, unfortunately.” Margaret replied with a sigh. “You’ll never guess where they’re sending me this time.”

“Where?”

“A _cam girl studio._ ”

Brooke gasped. “You mean one of those _awful_ websites where women show their…..their PRIVATES on the internet?”

“The same.” she said as she pointe to the warehouse in question.

“Ugh. I _always_ knew something was off about that place. I see a lot of young girls going in and out of there.” Brooke replied. “But enough about smut. How have you and Charles been?”

“Oh just great!” Margaret went on. “He and I actually went camping with the kids and grandkids last weekend, and it was just a gay old time!”

********

“Okay, Brooke’s keeping her distracted…” Kyu said as she spied on the two older women chatting it up from one of the second floor windows through a pair of hot pink binoculars. She spoke into her walkie-talkie. “Beli, tell me something I wanna hear.”

“It wasn’t easy, but I think we finally corralled all of them.” Beli reported. “Thank goodness there was a giant bird cage up here.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that anyway?” Lillian asked.

“Long story.” Kyu replied. “Nora?”

“Catching all the bats was the easy part.” Nora replied. “Now we’re starting on the hard part.”

“Well make it snappy! Don’t forget, we’re racing the clock! Bradley?”

“The papers have just been signed.” Bradley reported. “Nadia and I are on our way back to the studio now.”

“Oh man…” Kyu said. “Tommy, if this works, I am SO going to let you fuck me in the ass tonight.”

“Excuse me?” Lola asked.

“He can fuck you in the ass too, Lola.” Kyu replied with a roll of her eyes. “We’ll make it a threesome.”

********

“Oh my goodness, he’s already twelve?” Margaret asked.

“Mm-hm.” Brooke said as she still held up the most recent photo of her son. “They grow up so fast, don’t they?”

“They really do…” Margaret replied with a wistful sigh. She checked her watch. “Oh, butter biscuits! I was supposed to start my inspection twenty minutes ago!”

“Oh my, I’m so sorry!” Brooke replied. “You have a job to do, and here I was, talking your poor ear off.”

“Don’t apologize for a thing, Brooke. See you at the Thanksgiving Ball next month?”

“I’ve already marked my calendar. You’ll be in my prayers, Margaret.”

“Thank you. Considering the sort of place I’m about to step into, I’ll need all the prayers I can get.” Margaret replied before finally crossing the street. Brooke continued down the sidewalk and pulled out her walkie-talkie from the Halloween bag as she turned the corner out of Margaret’s sight.

“I bought you all the time I could, everyone.” Brooke reported. “The rest is on you.”

“Thanks, Brooke.” Kyu replied.

“How do you even know that dusty old bitch?” Renee asked.

“Her husband and mine are golf buddies.” Brooke explained. “We’ve met at several social gatherings over the years.”

“Man, with company like HER, no wonder you became a cam girl.” Nikki said. “Good thing she didn’t recognize you from your Masked Madame videos.”

“That’s why the madame wears the mask.” Brooke replied.

“Okay everyone - she’s heading our way now.” Kyu replied. “Show time.”

*********

“Hey there!” Kyu said with her best smile as the health inspector walked through the door. “You must be the health inspector.”

“I am. Health Inspector Margaret Wellington.” Margaret said as she took out her pen and clipboard. She turned to the couch and saw Jessie wearing lingerie in front of a camera manned by Nikki and the boom mic held by Kyanna. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all! We were just getting ready for our upcoming livestream. For charity.” Kyu said.

“Which charity?”

“Oh, you know. Red Cross, Make a Wish, the usual suspects.” Kyu replied.

“Hrm…” Margaret noncommittally hummed as she wrote something on her clipboard. She took a skeptical look around the studio. She stared at the couch. “Is that couch clean?”

“Oh honey, it’s - “ Jessie started before Kyu cleared her throat. “…The cleanest couch you’ve ever seen!” Jessie corrected course, having been reminded that now was not the time for husky-voiced, constantly horny Jessie.

“Hrm…” Margaret said as she wrote something down on her clipboard. She stole a glance at Kyanna. “Is she legal?” she asked as she pointed a pen at Kyanna.

“Oh yeah! 21 years old. We at Huniepop have a very strict age policy - “

“I meant, is she in this country legally?”

“…Well, she was born here, so…..” Kyu said.

“Ah, anchor child then.” Margaret said as she wrote something on her clipboard.

“…I’mma kill her.” Kyanna whispered.

“She's not worth it.” Nikki whispered back.

As Margaret proceeded to inspect every possible nook and cranny of the sound stage, Kyu reached for her walkie talkie.

“Status.” the CEO ordered.

“Ya can’t rush this, boss.” Nora replied.

“I can and I will! Give me an ETA.”

“I don’t know…..half an hour?”

“Okay, I think I can stall her if I save the attic for last. Just keep working, don’t fucking stop.” Kyu put away her walkie talkie just in time - the health inspector approached.

“I suppose I should commend you, Ms. Sugardust. This stage is more immaculate than your _chosen vocation_ would lead one to believe.”

“Hey, at the end of the day, this business is about good, clean fun!” Kyu replied a little too enthusiastically.

“Hrm.” Margaret hummed again. “Show me the lounge area.”

“With pleasure.” Kyu beckoned the health inspector to follow. They eventually came into the lounge area. “Behold, our lounge! Where our employees come to relax and unwind.”

The only person present was Lailani, who was enjoying a ham sandwich as the two entered. “Oh, sorry, didn’t know we were starting yet.” she said. “You must be the health inspector. Aloha, I’m Lailani.”

Margaret paused and turned to Kyu. “Is _she_ in this country legally?”

“…She’s from Hawaii.” Kyu replied.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Kyu had to stamp down the urge to face palm.

*****

Once the lounge area passed inspection, Margaret took to the corridors, examining every possible nook and cranny with a magnifying glass for even the slightest stain. The woman’s sheer thoroughness was a blessing in disguise. The more time she spent down here searching for violations, the more time Team Bat had to resolve the attic issue. All Kyu had to do was keep her occupied until the attic was ready.

“Soooo……pretty tight ship, huh?” Kyu asked. “Clean too, I might add.”

“Indeed. I haven’t found any violations.” Margaret replied. “ _Yet_.”

It was then that nearest closet door swung open, and out marched Candy. “I’m sorry Kyu, but the fact is, I HAVE to come out of the closet!” she announced to Kyu.

Margaret gave Kyu the side eye. “The….closet?” Kyu asked.

“I really gotta pee.” Candy said as she did the bathroom dance. She then noticed Margaret. “Oh hi! I’m Candy! Kyu didn’t say she was hiring a new girl today!”

“I beg your pardon?” Margaret asked, as Kyu desperately mimed several different ‘shut up Candy’ gestures at the stripper.

“I mean, you’re like, CRAZY OLD, but I think we got fans who are into GILFs.” Candy obliviously went on.

“…I’m the _health inspector_.” Margaret practically hissed.

“…Oooooooohhhhh…..” Candy replied. “…You’re a still a total GILF though. You work out?”

“Ahahaha, oh that Candy!” Kyu said as she zipped over to Candy’s side and pulled her into a friendly side hug. “You’ll have to excuse her, she’s…..um……on the Autistic Spectrum!”

“I am?” Candy asked.

“You sure are!” Kyu replied as she jabbed an elbow into Candy’s gut. “You see, Mrs. Wellington, we here at Huniepop Studios pride ourselves on our non-discriminatory hiring practices and diverse work force!”

“Yes, I gathered as much from the migrant workers.” Margaret dismissively said as she wrote something on her clipboard.

“Can I go to the bathroom now?” Candy asked.

“Please do!” Kyu said as she roughly shoved Candy down the hall.

“Speaking of bathrooms, why don’t we check those next?” Margaret asked.

******

“Ta-da!” Kyu said as she showed off the immaculate bathroom with pride. “As white as the first snow of winter.”

Margaret looked around the bathroom, checking for stains and sniffing the air. “Bleach…..I see you were preparing from my arrival.”

“What? Pfft, no, get outta town!” Kyu replied. “We don’t start the day until we’ve given the toilets a good scrubbin’!”

Margaret’s nose continued to sniff. “There’s….something else in here…” she said. It was then that a toilet flushed and out of one stall came Audrey, a trail of smoke following her. As she threw something in the trash before washing her hands, that’s when Kyu realized what Margaret was smelling.

It was pot.

Audrey looked over and saw the health inspector staring her down. It was a venomous stare that Audrey returned ten fold. “The fuck are YOU looking at?”

Margaret was surprised by that. “ _Excuse me_ , young lady?”

“Audreeeeeey!” Kyu said in an overly friendly manner as she zipped up to her side. “This is the health inspector, Mrs. Wellington! You know, the one I talked about?”

“Oh.” Audrey replied. “Yeah, hi, whatever.”

“Were you smoking _marijuana_?” Margaret demanded.

“So what if I was? It’s legal in this state.” Audrey replied.

“In a _non-smoking area_?” she demanded harder, pointing to a sign on the wall that depicted a lit cigarette inside of a red circle with a line slashing through it.

“…How long has THAT fucking been there?” Audrey asked. Margaret tsked and shook her head as she scribbled a particularly angry note on her clipboard.

“I am SO sorry for Audrey’s behavior.” Kyu said. “She’s just…..on the Autistic Spectrum too.”

“What? I’m not some fucking retard!” Audrey protested.

It was then that a flushing sound was heard and Candy came out of one of the other stalls. “Okay, Audrey, as an autistic woman, I just want to say that your use of the R-word isn’t okay. Especially now that we’re Spectrum Sisters, we have to stay united in a neurotypical world that doesn’t want us.”

“The fuck are you even talking about?” Audrey said.

Candy held up her mobile phone, which displayed a website on Autism. “I’ve been learning so much about myself!” she excitedly said. She turned to Kyu and Margaret. “Did you know Isaac Newton was most likely autistic?”

Margaret wrote down another note on her clipboard, as Kyu face palmed again.

*******

“PLEASE tell me you’re done.” Kyu silently pleaded over the walkie talkie. She and Margaret were in the prop room now, as the health inspector was insisting on inspecting the far corners of the room. Kyu was getting nervous now. The health inspector was thorough, but efficient. She checked most of the rooms top to bottom much faster than the CEO anticipated. They were running out of time.

“Almost.” Beli replied. “We just need a little more time.”

“We’re running out of time! We’re in the upstairs prop room, and all there is after this is my own office and the attic! Hurry!”

Kyu quickly put the walkie talkie away as Margaret approached. “We’re nearly complete.” she said. “Would you mind to showing me to your personal office?”

“Not at all!” Kyu enthusiastically replied as she all too eagerly led the health inspector in a direction that didn’t lead to the attic. “Here we are! Casa De Kyu!”

“Hrm.” Margaret said as she entered the ridiculously pink room.

“And please, by all means, _take your time_.” Kyu said.

“I’d rather not.” Margaret replied. “Frankly, I’ve spent too much time in this cess pit already.”

 _Feeling’s mutual, bitch._ Kyu thought as she kept up the fake smile.

“Kyu? Are you there?” Beli’s voice came over the walkie talkie.

“Excuse me for just a sec…” Kyu said as she stepped out of the office and took out the walkie talkie. “Beli! You better have good news or it’s your sweet, delicious ass!”

“Well…..there is bad news actually.” Beli reported. “Lillian just did a headcount. Apparently, there’s one bat still unaccounted for.”

“What?!” Kyu demanded. “You said you caught them all!”

“I thought we did.” Beli said. “We’ll find it, just stall her a little while longer.”

“She’s checked literally everything BUT the attic! We’re out of time!” Kyu said. It was then that she heard footsteps coming up the hall. It was Zoey, Sarah, Audrey, Candace, and Tiffany, all armed with nets. “The fuck are you guys doing here?!”

“We’re looking for the bat.” Sarah replied.

“The inspector is in my office, put those fucking nets away!” Kyu ordered. The girls then hastily stashed the nets into the nearest closet, and just in time as the Health Inspector came out of the office, writing something on her clipboard.

“Only one place left, Ms. Sugar - Good God!” Margaret said as she got a load of Zoey. “What are you WEARING?”

“Um….my favorite outfit?” Zoey asked, failing to see anything to see anything unusual about a yellow tank top, a green corset, a purple skirt, blue gloves, glue hair, goggles, a blue right eye, and a red left eye.

“Oh, that’s just Zoey!” Kyu said, zipping to Zoey’s side in an affectionate side hug, leaping on the opportunity to delay the health inspector for another few precious seconds. “She’s…..” she paused as she looked her up and down. “Well, she’s a millennial. What are you gonna do?”

“I am not ashamed of who I am.” Zoey replied.

“And….this is Tiffany!” Kyu said as she moved to the blonde next, desperately trying to stall for more time. “Your All-American girl next door.”

“Um….Hi.” Tiffany said, not entirely sure what she was being dragged into.

“Konichiwa! I’m Suki!” Sarah said as she held up two fingers. “I sure hope we get a passing grade, Inspector-Sama!”

Margaret paused. Then turned to Kyu. “Don’t even try to tell me _that one’s_ here legally.” she said, pointing to Sarah

“Believe it or not, she is.” Kyu replied.

“Sometimes we wish she weren’t.” Audrey grumbled.

“Alright, I’ve had just about enough!” Margaret said before turning to Kyu. “It’s bad enough you work in such a perverse industry, Ms. Sugardust, but even by those already low standards, this place is an absolute zoo!”

She pointed at Audrey. “You are foul-mouthed and uncouth, no doubt the result of a lifetime of smoking cannabis!”

Zoey suddenly got a twitch in her red eye.

She pointed to Candy. “You belong in an adult daycare facility! Maybe there you can learn how to dress appropriately!”

The twitch became worse.

“And you!” she said as she pointed at Sarah. “When this is over, I WILL call Immigration Services on this place, and you’d best PRAY your papers are in order!”

Zoey was grinding her teeth now.

“Now hold on a minute!” Tiffany said as she stepped forward. “You can’t just insult us all like that. These girls may be kind of crazy, but they’re also my friends!”

“Young lady, for your own sake, find some better friends.” she paused and sneered. “Although judging by the length of that skirt, it may already be too late for you.”

Zoey clenched her fists so hard, her palms began bleeding. These things did not go unnoticed by Kyu.

“And you.” Margaret said as she looked at Zoey, saving her biggest sneer for last. “Well, you’re just a _homosexual_ , aren’t you? It’s the only possible explanation for your _garish_ taste in fashion.”

Zoey was trembling like a volcano about to erupt.

“Um…” Tiffany said as she and the other girls began to back away from Zoey slowly.

“Oooooh, NOW you fucked up.” Audrey said with a smirk. The only one of them who didn’t back away was Kyu. She leaned into Zoey’s ear.

“Do it, Zoey.” she whispered. “Unleash the Social Justice _Warrior_.”

Zoey T-Rex roared before charging right up to Margaret’s face.

“ALRIGHT, listen here you xenophobic, homophobic, and most likely transphobic, BITCH!” she shrieked. “First of all, cannabis is a legal drug in this state, which means Audrey is well within her rights to smoke it! The health benefits of cannabis have been made clear time and again, particularly how it’s healthier than tobacco and alcohol by a WIDE margin!”

“SECOND, Candy may be on the spectrum, but she is an adult capable of making her own choices about her lifestyle! She is NOT a child, OR mentally deficient, and you have ZERO RIGHT to talk down to her like that!”

“THIRD! Sarah isn’t actually an immigrant, but if she was, she has EVERY right to come to this country in search of a better life, and the same goes for all the other immigrants who work here!”

“FOURTH! How DARE you slutshame Tiffany! She’s a role model student at Glenberry University, is captain of the cheerleader team, works her ass off for a nursing degree, but wears a skirt a little too short for your liking and she’s suddenly unworthy of your definition of a proper woman? FUCK YOU AND THE MISOGYNISTIC HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!”

“FIFTH! I AM ACTUALLY PANSEXUAL FOR YOUR INFORMATION, BUT I AM STILL CONSIDERED A PART OF THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY. WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER, WE THOUGHT YOU’D BE USED TO IT BY NOW, BUT APPARENTLY NOT!”

As Zoey continued to rant and rave at an increasingly offended Health Inspector, Kyu quietly returned the nets to the other girls and shepherded them up to the attic. “Find that bat!” she whispered.

Zoey continued to rant for another five minutes, hopefully buying the girls in the attic all the time they needed to find that loose bat and help Team Bat proper finish up. “Never thought I’d say this, but thank the Gods for Tumblr.” Kyu said to herself as Zoey continued to charge forward, with plenty of steam to spare.

Zoey marched over to Kyu’s side and wrapped an arm around her. “Kyu is a woman entrepreneur who started Huniepop with a vision - to normalize human sexuality! It’s not this sinful thing YOU think it is, Mrs. Wellington! It’s a part of who we are as human beings, and Huniepop is a celebration of that fact! Every star here is a WOMAN! Fierce, independent, and seizing control of their own bodies and sexualities in a patriarchal world that wants to deny us that right! Kyu is a feminist ICON!”

“Aw, Zoey, stop, you’re makin’ me blush over here.” Kyu replied, her ego always appreciative of lavish praise.

“I’ve had ENOUGH!” Margaret outright shouted for the first time since she entered the studio. “I only need to check the attic first, and as soon as I find so much as a COFFEE STAIN UP THERE, I will HAPPILY fail this establishment and put an end to this CHARADE!”

She barged her way past Kyu and Zoey, pulled down the drop down ladder, ascended and -

“Good God! What are those!”

Zoey and Kyu hurried up the ladder after her. There, they saw that Margaret was shocked by the sight of a giant bird cage where over a dozen bats were roosting. “Hey. Don’t shout.” Lillian said from within the cage as she fed a smaller bat, presumably a baby, with a milk bottle.

“They’re VERY easily excitable.” Beli added as she too fed a baby bat from within the cage.

The attic was not only far cleaner than it was before, but there appeared to be what could only be described as a fully functional farm inside that was being maintained by Tiffany, Candy, Sarah, Audrey, Nora, and Tommy. Everyone was wearing bee keeper suits, sans masks since they weren’t necessary. The crops themselves looked to be tomato plants, growing in little wooden boxes and a large sun lamp positioned over them.

“What in God’s name is all this?!” Margaret demanded.

“It’s an organic tomato farm.” Tommy said as he stood up and approached the health inspector with hands on his hips, proud of his work. “It’s how we make money on the side.”

“The bats provide…..erm, ‘fertilizer.’” Beli explained from within the cage. “Bat guano is a VERY good fertilizer, as it enriches the soil with all the nutrients growing plants need.”

“Just like in _Ace Ventura 2_!” Tommy replied. “Thank you, Jim Carrey.” he said to himself, quietly.

“Oh, there is NO CONCEIVABLE WAY this is legal!” Margaret raged.

It was then that Bradley appeared, slowly climbing up the ladder, out of breath from running. “Actually…..it is…..” he wheezed as he held up the papers. He began fumbling for his inhaler the moment Mrs. Wellington snatched them out of his hand.

“…Officially licensed tomato farm and BAT SANCTUARY?!” Margaret demanded.

“Thaaaat’s right!” Kyu said as she struck a triumphant pose before the health inspector. “We’re not only porn stars, we’re bat farmers! As you can see, this particular operation runs like a well-oiled machine. The bats are kept in a secure cage, the resulting guano is collected is used for fertilizer for our locally-grown tomatoes AND the guano we don’t use is sold at the farmer’s market to help support local farmers!”

“You……..I…….how…….” Margaret stuttered.

“Sooooo…..seeing as that’s EVERYTHING……” Kyu said. “Whaddaya say? We pass or fail?”

The health inspector ground her teeth as she wrote up her final grade, violently tore it off her clipboard, and passed it to Kyu. Kyu took it and triumphantly held up the big green A on the paper. “WE PASS, BITCHES!!!” The present Hunies cheered for joy. Even the bats’ constant squeaking sounded like a celebration.

“I don’t know HOW you pulled this off, Ms. Sugardust…” Margaret seethed. “But make no mistake, this isn’t the last you’ll hear from-“

“Yeah, yeah, see you again in six months, babe.” Kyu replied as she began to hurriedly escort Mrs. Wellington out of the building.

********

“Well Hunies, disaster averted!” Kyu said as she held up a drink in the employee range. The other Hunies raised their drinks as well in celebration, cheering that they’ll continue to make sexy, sexy content for the foreseeable future.

“I just wanna take the time to thank Today’s MVPs. First off, Team Bat! Tommy, Nora, Lillian an Beli for building us a new bat farm!” The Hunies applauded as the four of them took a bow.

“Brooke, for delaying the health inspector by a whole twenty minutes!”

Brooke smiled and waved at the applause she received.

“Zoey, for that hail mary rant that bought us the time we needed to catch that last bat!”

Zoey gratefully accepted the adulation, then paused. “Wait, I bought us time?” she asked.

“Bradley, for getting that bat farm officially licensed!”

Everyone cheered and applauded for Bradley, who shyly said his thanks, not used to so much attention.

“And finally, Nadia, who’s been banging the city council member who signed off on that license!”

The Hunies cheered for Nadia as well. “Please, please, is just what I do.” she said. “He’s not even the first politician I’ve had under my boot.”

“Yanno Hunies, I started this company with a dream.” Kyu began. “It was a simple dream, really. A humble dream. I just wanted to make a bunch of different fetish videos and post them online for money. But as time went on and my company grew, I realized - Huniepop has become so much more than that. Tommy was right. We’re a family. And though we may all come from different races and creeds, different walks of life, we gather here in this studio each and every day, united in our common interest!”

“Showing the internet our pussies for money?” Aiko asked.

“Exactly!” Kyu replied. “A toast! To Huniepop!”

“To Huniepop!” cried the Hunies as they all slammed back their drinks.

It was then that a bat flew out of nowhere and landed on the rim of Kyu’s martini glass, and started drinking from it. “Beli…” she turned and scowled at the Indian woman, who had her arms spread open, other bats hanging from them.

“They just seemed so sad in that cage all the time.” Beli said. “I was just giving them some fresh air.”

“No bats below the attic. That was the rule we agreed upon.” Kyu scolded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yanno, that ending speech at the end almost makes this seem like a season finale, doesn't it? I suppose it is. After the Halloween chapter goes up, you might not hear from me again for a while, but once I do return, I should have a "Season 2" of sorts ready to go.
> 
> This chapter was a LOT of fun to write. There was conflict, stakes, a villain to defeat, everything a good story needs. And now, the Hunies have their own pet bats! Because fuck you, bats are adorable.
> 
> And before anyone gets bent out of shape about the autism jokes, I'm on the spectrum myself. So yeah. Keep it chill.
> 
> Next chapter - the Big Halloween Party! Stay tune...


	8. Hunieween Spooktacular!

Bradley climbed the stairs up to Kyu’s office with a whole stack of papers tucked under one arm. In it held the monthly statement for October. The Halloween Event seemed to have done well, as all the Halloween-themed videos and streams not only exceeded expectations, but also seemed to have expanded the audience - tons of new fans have taken to the forums, asking when they will see the sequel to “Zombie Strippers”. Kyu will no doubt be happy with this month’s numbers, which will hopefully mean she’ll be less inclined to use him as a punching bag.

He knocked on her office door. “Come in!” Kyu replied in her usual, song-like tone of voice that seemed so inviting to those who don’t know her well enough. Bradley opened the door and stepped inside.

“Hello, Bradley.” Kyu said, wearing an outfit so outlandish that it took Bradley off guard for a moment. For one, she was wearing a pink and white nightie top tied off between the breasts with a white ribbon held in place by a red heart-shaped button. All she wore below the belt was a pink pair of panties with a purple butterfly pin on them, along with a pair of white stockings and a pair of purple ballerina shoes. On her arms were white sleeves to match her stockings that went all the way down to just past her elbows. She wore a pink choker covered by a white collar. Finally, seemingly sprouting out of her back, was a pair of glittery, transparent butterfly wings.

And that’s when Bradley remembered that Huniepop Studios was hosting a Halloween party tonight, an event that Kyu was obviously running with great enthusiasm. “Impressive costume, Ms. Sugardust.” he said.

“…Yeah. Costume.” Kyu said as she averted eye contact for a second. “If you can’t tell by now, I’m a fairy. Well, a love fairy to be exact.”

“Of course you are.” Bradley nodded. “Anyway, here’s the October report.” he said as he handed the ‘fairy’ the papers, which she proceeded to snatch out of his hand. She flipped through them with her signature devious smirk.

“Niiiiice.” she replied. “Gettin’ paid to get laid. This is the life, huh Bradley?”

“Indeed.” Bradley replied. “Well, enjoy the party Ms. Sugardust.” he said as he turned to leave.

“Um, hold up.” Kyu said in an authoritative tone. “Where do you think _you’re_ going?”

“…Home?” he cautiously replied.

“Yeah, no.” Kyu said. “Attending this party is mandatory for ALL Huniepop employees. That means you too, Bradley.”

“Me?” Bradley asked. “Well……er…….” his hands were already getting clammy and sweaty. He looked down at his own shirt and saw his way out. “Well, I don’t have a costume.” he quickly said.

“Hmm…..Two seconds.” Kyu said as she walked over to a nearby box full of props. She dug around until she found a bottle of red liquid and a cricket bat. She squirted the bat with the red fluid for a bit, then squirted Bradley’s white business shirt.

“My shirt!” Bradley protested before Kyu shoved the cricket bat into his arms.

“There. You are now _Shaun of the Dead_.” Kyu said as she put her hands on her hips, proud of the last-minute costume she devised.

“Er, Ms. Sugardust, I really don’t think I should be attending this party.” Bradley began to sputter out as he began to hyper-ventilate a little. He reached for his inhaler, took a breath to calm himself and resumed as best he could. “I’m not good at….large…..social events.”

“Bradley…” Kyu said in a friendly tone of voice that only put him more on edge. A friendly Kyu was never a good sign. “Can I call you Brad?”

“Actually, I’d rather you didn’t.” he quietly answered.

“Brad.” Kyu went on, completely ignoring his previous answer, as well as affectionately wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling him into a sideways hug and making him even more uncomfortable. “Tell me, and be honest…how’s your sex life?”

“Um….I don’t think that’s an appropriate-“

“That’s what I thought. Okay then, it’s decided! I now have _two_ goals tonight. The first is to throw the best damn Halloween party in town. The second is to get you laid.”

“…I beg your pardon?” Bradley asked.

“Ya see, as a love fairy, it’s my job to help poor saps like you out with the ladies.” Kyu shrugged. “It’s just what I do.”

“I’m fairly certain you’re thinking of cupids.” Bradley pointed out.

“…Brad, never mention cupids around me again.” Kyu said, sounding uncharacteristically serious. Offended, even. “Now then, we’ve got a lot of investors coming to tonight’s party, most of whom are friends of mine. So I can _totally_ hook you up tonight.”

“Ms. Sugardust, I’m not entirely - “

“Please. We’re off the clock, call me Kyu.” Kyu interrupted yet again. “And look, I know you’re a little nervous. But with me as your wing girl, you can’t go wrong.”

Kyu finally released her PA from her grasp. “Real talk for a sec, you’re an awesome personal assistant, accountant, manager, chief financial officer, and office supplier. Huniepop wouldn’t be able to function without you, and I just wanna do this to show you how grateful I am for all your hard work and dedication.”

“Oh. Well…..thank you, Kyu.” Bradley replied. “…Can I have a raise?”

“ _Woah there_ , let’s not go crazy.” Kyu replied.

********

“Hello?” Tiffany asked as she walked onto the sound stage, a paper bag full of drinks and snacks in each arm.

“Tiffany!” Kyu greeted. “Brad. Take those bags off her.” Bradley obeyed and relieved Tiffany of the bags, then struggled to take them over to the designated snack table.

“Cool fairy costume, Kyu.” Tiffany said.

“Don’t mention it. And look at you, Captain Made.” Kyu replied. Tiffany’s costume was a classic - a pirate. She wore a pirate blouse shirt, a wench’s dress, a red bandana around her head and a plastic cutlass strapped to the side of her belt.

“Oh, this is nothing really…” Tiffany said as she looked around the stage. “Like what you’ve done with the place.” The large soundstage had been converted into a massive dining hall, sporting snack tables, a dance floor, and even a bar at the far end. “Don’t see anyone around yet.”

“That’s cuz you’re way early. Party won’t start for another hour.” Kyu explained.

“Awesome! More time of us to get ready! I brought Audrey and Nikki with me - they’re getting the keg.” Just then, the door opened and the two girls came in. Audrey’s white victorian dress didn’t look too out of place among her usual wardrobe, but she sported a heavy amount of make-up - bright red cheeks and lips, heavy amounts of eyeshadow, and skin as white as snow, she looked like a giant doll. Nikki’s outfit looked like a much further cry from her usual wardrobe - leather combat pants and leather armor on her top, as well as having skin that was painted orange, pointed ears and a pair of small tusks jutting from her lower jaw. There were also several knives strapped to her chest like a bondolier, and a flintlocke pistol holstered on one leg. The two girls set the keg down as soon as they got in.

“Fuck!” Audrey cursed. “Tiff, why the fuck did you sign US up for one of the kegs.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of with Audrey on this one - we’re not well suited to heavy lifting.” Nikki added.

“So, what are you two supposed to be?” Kyu asked.

“I’m Annabelle.” Audrey replied. “Yanno, from _The Conjuring_?”

“Nice, nice, spooky, nice. And you, Nikki?” Kyu asked.

“I’m a hobgoblin rogue.” Nikki said. “It’s based on my D&D character which I’ve had since middle school.”

“Of course you’d go with something nerdy as fuck.” Audrey grumbled.

“Audrey…I have knives.” Nikki warned.

“Hola, amigas!” Kyanna said as she and Nora carried another keg in. Being cousins, they decided to go with matching costumes this year, which were simple, yet clever. They were both showing a lot of skin, Kyanna wearing her green sports bra and matching shorts, while Nora wore a very small red crop top that only wrapped around her chest, as well as a pair of denim hot pants. This is because painted on their skin were bright pink bones - hand bones on the hands, leg bones printed on the legs, and so on wherever there was skin showing, all leading up to their faces covered in pink calaveras masks.

“Dia de los muertos, Hunies.” Nora said as she and Kyanna set their keg next to the trio’s.

“Ah, embracing your Mexican heritage this year, I see.” Kyu observed.

“Yup! Check it!” Kyanna said as she tossed Kyu a paper bag. The fairy looked inside and smiled.

“Sweeeeet, sugar skulls.” Kyu said as she popped one into her mouth. “Oh man, I am gonna get FUCKED UP on all this candy tonight.”

“Hey, don’t eat it all! Save some for the guests!” Nora said as she took her place at the bar and began mixing drinks.

“You sure you know how to mix drinks?” Nikki said as she approached the bar.

“Eeeeyup.” Nora replied.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?” Tiffany asked.

“I grew up in a rough neighborhood.” Nora replied.

After a few minutes went by and the girls helped set up all the snacks and drinks, Zoey arrived. She had grown out her hair and died it hot pink, tying it back so that most of it stayed out of her face and down her back, save for two long tufts that framed her face. The real costume was her dress, decorated with a gummy bear belt, a lollipop bra, a chocolate bar corset, all around a cotton candy dress, she looked like a walking candy store. “I love Halloween, the one time of year where _everyone_ can let their freak flag fly.”

“Amen to that sister.” Kyu said as she eyed Zoey’s dress. “Is any of that dress edible, by the way?”

“No.”

“Shit! People would’ve loved that. Would’ve been hot as hell, everyone eating your costume until you butt naked…”

“Really, Kyu?”

“Zoey, we’re a porn studio. Any time _we_ host a party, shit’s gonna get lewd.”

“Konichiwaaa!” Sarah said as she entered the building next, wearing her favorite blue flower-print kimono, skin painted blue and a pair of horns on her head.

“Hey gang.” Aiko said as she followed Sarah in, wearing a leopard print pair of rags that vaguely resembled a bikini, her skin painted red and also sporting horns on her head. They both carried several jugs of some kind of liquid sloshed to their belt.

“Aiko? You and Sarah have complementary costumes?” Zoey asked.

“Eeeyup.” Aiko replied.

“We’re onis!” Sarah enthusiastically said. “I’m a blue oni, and Aiko’s a red oni! Aiko told me about them while we were painting each other. See, blue onis are calm and introverted, while red onis are more wild and extroverted!”

“…So, shouldn’t YOU be red and Aiko be blue?” Zoey asked.

Sarah paused. She turned to Aiko. “Hey Aiko - why AM I blue?”

“Because in the ancient tradition of Japanese mythology, the blue oni…..” Aiko reached into a bottle, which had her car keys, which she then tossed to Sarah. “Is the red oni’s designated driver.” Aiko then marched over to the bar. “You got any sake, Nora?”

“Si.” Nora replied as she poured Aiko a shot glass.

“Arigato.” Aiko replied just before downing it.

The girls continued to get the studio for the big party, except of course for Aiko who, true to her costume, was more intent on drinking than anything. It was then that the next pair came through the door with a mad cackle. “THEY ALL LAUGHED AT ME!!! BUT I, DR. LOLASTEIN, HAVE CREATED LIFE!!!”

“Hi.” Tommy said as he followed Lola into the soundstage, carrying the third keg. He was completely shirtless, his torso painted in splotches of grey and green, with painted on stitched lines separating the colors. He also had a pair of bolts on his neck and torn up jeans that ended in heavy boots. Lola, standing next to him, was wearing goggles, a 19th century lab coat, and a mad grin.

“GO MY CREATION!!! GO AND FULFILL YOUR PURPOSE!!!”

“You mean drop off the keg?”

“YES!!!”

As Tommy did that, Lola giggled. “Oh, how I love Halloween.”

“Oh my God, Lola!” Tiffany said as she approached her and Tommy. “Your couples outfit is with Tommy is totally adorable!”

“Thanks! Painting Tommy was the hardest part. He wouldn’t hold still.”

“The paint was cold!” Tommy protested.

A few minutes after that, the next pair of Hunies arrived, Marlena and Nadia. Marlena had opted for an old favorite of hers - the red devil, complete with boob window. She even got herself a hair cut, as she felt the horns always looked better on her with short hair. Nadia’s outfit, by contrast, was surprisingly tame. It was a long black Victorian dress, with a feathered hat to match and even netting to obscure her face.

“Diggin’ the devil, Marlena~” Kyu approved. “And who might you be, Nadia?”

“Call me Baba Yaga.” she replied.

“Oh my God, I REMEMBER that movie!” Kyu said. “Figures you’d like it, Nadia.”

“What movie?” Nikki asked.

“Baba Yaga - 1973 exploitation flick.” Kyu explained. “Basically, it’s about a super sexy bondage witch.”

Nadia then gave Nikki a small, yet unnerving smile. The blunette slowly backed away.

It was another few minutes before the next Hunie arrived. It was Lailani, wearing one of her typical hawaiian dresses, but much like with Audrey, Nora and Kyanna, it wasn’t the dress that was the costume, but rather the skin. Lailani’s skin had been painted ash grey, with red-orange veins painted along her arms and cheeks, along with bright red contact lenses.

“Okay, lemme guess…..Volcano Goddess?” Kyu replied.

“Bingo!” Lailani said. “Specifically, I’m Pele, the Kupua of Fire, Lightning and Wind, and creator of all Hawaii. It was either this or Moana and……Moanna was just too obvious.”

“Yeah, plus you’re already Moana 24/7.”

“I’m….going to take that as a complement.”

“Well, badass costume in any case.”

“Thanks!”

A minute later, there was a knock on the door. “Who is it~” Kyu sang.

“It’s Lilian. Invite me in.”

“Invite you in?”

“Yes.”

“Your attendance is mandatory, Lilian.”

“…Does that count as an invitation?”

“Oh for- yes!”

Lilian burst through the door and gave a fanged hiss right in Kyu’s face. In addition to the plastic fangs, she wore a form-fitting blood-red tube top with a leather belt tied around the waist. Even her hair was made suitably vampiric - Lilian cut it short and gave it a blood red streak. Finally, she wore a spiked leather choker with a little red ribbon on it. “Ah, a vampire.” Kyu said. “Gotta love the classics.”

“Nora! Do you have any blood wine?” Lilian asked as she walked over.

“I would if you were twenty one!” Nora replied.

“Aw, come on! I can totally hold my liquor.”

A minute later, the door was kicked down as Candace roared. “SKREEEOOOOOOOOONK!!!!!” Her skin was painted a dark grey all over, with fins glued to her back and a fake tail glued to her lower back. Now when I say that her skin was dark grey all over, I meant it, because the only actualy clothes she wore was pair of black panties, a black choker, and a pair of black X-shaped nipple tapes. Every inch of her was dark-grey and scaly-looking. And yet, her hair was still very, very pink.

“I’m Godzilla! Queen of the monsters!” Candy roared. Kyu stared Candy down and pointed to the door. Candy looked and saw that she knocked the door off of its hinges. “….Whoopsie.”

Candace spent the next five minutes trying to fix the door, with limited success. She WAS able to pop it back into place, but the damage was still obvious as it swung funny. Something Brooke discovered the hard way as she came in, wearing an opera tuxedo and a white mask that obscured the top half of her face. “Candace?” she asked.

“Candace.” Kyu replied. “Nice Phantom of the Opera costume, by the way. Or Phantom of the Cam Studio, as it were.”

“Well, with masks being my whole gimmick, it was the clear choice.” Brooke replied. “Now remember - if anyone asks, none of you know me. I just sort of showed up mysteriously to this little party, as though I were a ghost…”

“Of course, Brooke.” Kyu replied with a wink.

As Brooke joined the other Hunies in conversation, Tiffany walked over with a clipboard. “The gang’s almost all here.” Tiffany reported. “We’re only missing Beli, Renee, and my mom.”

“Oooooh, I can’t wait to see their costumes!” Kyu replied.

“Eh. Mom’s probably gonna be a succubus or a vampiress again, or something.”

“But Lillian’s already a vampiress and Marlena is….. _technically_ a succubus, I guess.”

It was then that Jessie walked through the door, and she wasn’t a succubus or a vampire. She was wearing a black cowboy hat, a leather jacket over a red crop top that left her belly exposed, along with blue jeans and cowboy boots. Curiously, she had a bondolier of wooden steaks around her chest and a string of garlic dangling from her hip, along with a large pistol dangling from her other hip. “Howdy, y’all.” she greeted. “Don’t suppose you folks seen no vampires or werewolves right here, do ya?” she took out her pistol and twirled it. “Got six silver bullets, and I wanna stick ‘em in something…” She side-eyed Lilian, who hissed at the older woman.

“Sexy vampire _hunter_.” Tiffany observed. “Gotta admit mom, that’s a new one for you.”

“Thanks, Tiff. Beli and her cousin helped me with it.”

It was then that Beli entered the studio. She was dressed in a blue, furturistic looking dress with black stockings, high-heeled boots, a pair of clear visors, and her left arm seems encased in some futuristic armor. “Ooooh, and what are YOU supposed to be?” Kyu said as she skipped over to Beli, Tiffany and Jessie in tow.

“Holy crap, you’re Symmetra!” Nikki said as she approached. “Awesome cosplay.”

“Thanks.” Beli shyly replied. “My cousin helped me with it.”

“He helped me with my costume too.” Jessie giggled. “Apparently, I’m the cowboy guy.”

“McCree’s halloween skin?” Nikki asked.

“That’s the one.” Jessie said. “Padmaj was so cute, the way he blushed as he took my measurements.” she giggled coyly as Tiffany rolled her eyes.

“You play Overwatch, Beli?” Nikki asked.

“Yes, actually.” Beli replied. “My cousin got me a Playstation 4 and _Overwatch_ for Diwali a couple of weeks ago.”

“Diwali?” Kyu asked.

“It’s basically Hindu Christmas. Gift exchange, peace on Earth, that sort of thing.” Beli briefly explained. “Anyway, Symmetra is one of the heroes I’m best with, I’ve found, though I’m more of a D.Va main.”

“…Oh.” Nikki replied. _Frickin’ D.Va mains, with their infinite ammo clips, popping their overpowered ults like eight times a minute, YOU DESERVED EVERY NERF YOU GOT ALSO WHY THE HELL DID BLIZZARD GIVE YOU MISSILES._ she silently thought to herself.

It was then that the lights suddenly started to flicker. And a dread chill blew into the studio. “ _Warriors of the Frozen Wastes…_ ” said a deep, booming voice from the doorway. “ _Rise…_ ”

The armor. The crown. The snow white hair billowing in the win. The runeblade _Frostmourne_ pulsated, like a beating heart. It hungered for blood and souls. The Lich King planted the sword into the floor, took his crown, and pulled it off to reveal…

“Sup y’all.” Renee greeted as soon as she took off the crown.

“Holy shit, Renee!” Nikki gushed. “That’s…..that’s the best Lich King cosplay I’ve ever seen!”

“Aw shucks, thank Beli’s cousin. He’s the one who made all these costumes.” Renee replied.

“Padmaj does a lot of cosplay as a hobby.” Beli explained.

“Okay, but holy shit, you even did the voice Renee!” Nikki went on. “Seriously! You were a _dead ringer_ for Patrick Seitz!”

“Well, there’s a reason I wanna be an actress. It’s cuz I’m that damn good at it.” Renee boasted.

“Alright, so the gang’s all here!” Kyu said as she checked her watch. “And just in time because the party’s about to start! Okay, snacks?”

“Ready!” Zoey reported from the snack tables.

“Drinks?”

“Ready!” Nora reported from the bar.

“Music?”

“Ready!” Lailani said as she assumed the DJ table.

“Alright, get in places people!” Kyu said. “The party’s going to start any minute now!”

********

For the next few minutes, an eerie silence settled over the studio, like the calm before the storm. Kyu and Bradley were standing in front of the door, Kyu staring at the clock, watching it count down. The party was due to start at 9:00pm precisely. It was 8:59 right now, and counting. “Get ready, Hunies” she called out aloud, her voice echoing off the cavernous walls of the soundstage. “We’re green to go in thirty seconds. And brace yourselves, these people are party animals!”

“Man, Kyu. You’re making it sound like they’re ALL going to show up at 9 exactly.” Tiffany said.

“My investors are a very…..punctual lot.” Kyu said. “Just be ready for them.”

Thirty seconds later, the clock finally struck nine, the bells chiming throughout the studio. “Wait.” Audrey said. “Since when did this place have bells? What, did Kyu install a motherfucking clocktower?”

And suddenly, it was like the flood gates opened. Over a hundred people, all wearing very realistic costumes, poured into the studio. Vampires and werewolves, ghosts and ghouls, banshees and demons, it was as though the entire Halloween aisle from Walmart was here.

“Welcome, valued friends and supports, to Huniepop Studios!” Kyu said to the massive crowd of spooks and spirits. “As you can see, the Hunies and I have arranged this party for you all as a way of saying thanks for all your support in this business venture. Now, without further ado, let this Hallowed Celebration commence! DJ Pele! Hit it!”

On that note, the crowd dispersed, eager to get to the snacks, drink some drinks, and dance to the music that Lailani just started playing. “Wow. Your friends have AWESOME costumes, Kyu.” Tiffany commented as she observed all the guests.

“…Yeah. Costumes.” Kyu replied.

*******

Bradley wasn’t expecting so many people to arrive at the party. It wasn’t long before he was overwhelmed with social anxiety, so as soon as the guests began chatting it up with Kyu, he took advantage of her diverted attention and slipped away into his office. What once felt like a cramped crypt now felt like an island in an ocean of madness. He knew his sanctuary wouldn’t last, but he was still intent on taking whatever quiet he could get tonight.

“There he is!” Kyu said as she slammed the door open, prying open the tomb. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“I…..uh…..needed a break from all the socialization.” Bradley said.

“Um, bullshit, you disappeared as soon as the party started.” Kyu said. “Now come on, I’ve got a couple of friends who want to meet you.”

Bradley sighed. “Look, Kyu, I have to be honest. I’m REALLY not comfortable with all this.”

Kyu’s face scrunched into a scowl. “I said, _I’ve got a couple of friends who want to meet you._ ” she growled through clenched teeth. Bradley gulped. He knew now that to resist further was to risk Kyu’s wrath - something that would only make his night worse. He feebly rose and breathed deep from his inhaler.

“…Alright. I’m ready.” he said, like a man ready to face death. Kyu’s face immediately snapped back to mischievous joy as she grabbed Bradley’s arm and dragged him through the halls and back to the party proper. They waded through the jostling crowd and the loud music to a small table by the bar, where Kyu sat Bradley down.

Sitting across from him were two women. The first looked very young, no older than Nikki or Tiffany. She had short red hair and a pair of black cat ears on her head. She was dressed in a blue kimono, and even had a cat-like tail sprouting from her rear end that seemed to twitch realistically.

The other woman seemed much older, closer to his own age. Her skin was blue and her hair was snow white with a pair of blue horns sprouting from her head and curling inwards like a ram’s. She seemed to be wearing a dress that almost looked like a lab coat with blue gloves, as well as a ‘boob window’ that showed off her generous bust.

“Ladies, this is my ever-faithful Personal Assistant, Bradley.” Kyu introduced. “But you can call him Brad. Brad, these are my friends, Momo and Celeste.” she said, gesturing to the cat girl and blue girl respectively.

“Hi!” Momo said.

“Greetings.” Celeste said.

“I’ll leave you three to get acquainted.” Kyu said, giving Bradley a wink before disappearing into the crowd. Bradley cleared his throat after a moment of awkward silence.

“So….what are you two, exactly?” he asked.

“I’m a Kitty!” Momo enthusiastically replied.

“I am a galactic bounty hunter. The best in my sector, I might add.” Celeste answered.

Bradley looked down at the fake blood stain on his shirt. “…Apparently, I’m _Shaun of the Dead._ ”

“…I thought you were Brad.” Momo said, a bit confused.

*******

“I know you don’t care for city life, Edith, but this one apartment I live in is so close to the black forest, you’d love it!“

“Oh yeah, they’re real. They’re not mine, but they’re real.”

“So one of ‘em yelled out ‘Get on your knees!’ And I responded with ‘I’m not your mother last night!’ …And they took exception to that.”

Nikki couldn’t help but catch bits and pieces of strange conversations as she navigated through the dense crowd on the soundstage. She’d never been much of a party person to start with, but for some reason, she was feeling even more anxious than she usually gets in large crowds like this. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something about this party felt…off. She eventually found Tiffany by the bar, enjoying a non-alcoholic root beer by herself. The blonde waved her over as soon as she spotted her out of the crowd.

“Hey Tiff.” Nikki said as she took a seat.

“Hey Nikki. Needed a break from the party too, huh?” Tiffany asked.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Nikki replied as she eyed the crowd. “Where’s Audrey?”

“Over there, talking to her….fans, I guess.” Tiffany said as she pointed to the redhead staring down a werewolf. Nikki could just make out her words over the din of the crowd.

“Look at you, fucking animal.” Audrey said. “Of course you wanna fuck me, you’re a WOLF. All you wolves do is eat, sleep, and fuck. Bet you don’t even care who or what you stick your dick into, you just want to stick it into _something_ because that’s all you’re fucking good for.”

“By the full moon, this is so hot…” the werewolf replied.

“Tiffany…..Does this party feel, I dunno, weird to you?” Nikki asked.

“Well, this IS a porn party, technically speaking.” Tiffany answered. “There’s bound to be a few creeps here, I guess. Yanno, like Audrey’s ‘fan’ over there? But from what Zoey’s told me, a lot of the guests have been surprisingly respectful, and I believe her because otherwise, she would’ve torn someone’s head off by now.”

“Not like that. Like…” Nikki paused as she eyed the crowd. “Just _look_ at everyone in this crowd. There’s Aiko hitting on an octopus-mermaid, Lilian and some other vampire are comparing fang size…”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of awesome costumes here.” Tiffany said.

“That’s just it, though.” Nikki said. “These costumes are TOO awesome. Almost like…they’re not actually costumes.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes. “First aliens, now this. You spend WAY too much on those conspiracy websites, Nikki. It’s messing with your perception of reality.”

Nikki sighed as she rubbed her temples. “Look, I think you’re just getting overwhelmed by all this.” Tiffany said, knowing how her blue-haired friend got around crowds. “Why don’t you head up to the editing room? It’s employees-only, so I doubt you’ll find any guests making out in there or something. Should be some peace and quiet in there for a while.”

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.” Nikki said as she got up.

“Don’t forget to grab an h’ors d’oeuvre on the way out.” Tiffany said. “Your blood sugar might also be a little low.”

“You are such a mom friend.” Nikki said with a roll of her eyes before walking off.

********

“You like kitties?!” Momo excitedly asked.

“I would describe myself as more of a cat person, yes.” Bradley answered. “My family had several cats over the course of my childhood, and I even did some volunteering at an animal shelter back in high school. I preferred the cats over the dogs - dogs are fine, but they’re loud, high-energy, cats are just easier to deal with.”

“We’re also way fluffier and cuddlier!” Momo said. “You know, I’ve been looking for a master who likes kitties…”

“…I’m sorry, you’ve been looking for a what now?” Bradley asked.

“A master.” Momo repeated. “I really want one. Being a stray kitty is no fun.”

“Stray….wait, are you saying you’re homeless?”

“Not necessarily.” Celeste said. “She’s been living with me on my ship as of late.”

“But Celeste is _boring._ She’s got so many rules!” Momo said before sticking her tongue out at the taller blue girl. She then paused and gasped. “Wait! I got a idea! Maybe you could be my new master, Brad!”

“Uh…..” Bradley said.

“Pleeeeeeaaaase? I promise I’ll be a good kitty for you!” Momo said. She scooched her seat closer to Bradley’s and wrapped herself around her arm. Bradley HAD to be hearing things because he thought he could hear her purring.

“Um, how old did you say you were?” Bradley asked.

“I’m one and a half in kitty years!”

“That is _not_ what I meant, and I think you know it.”

********

“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”

The little dwarf couldn’t handle it, finally choking on his beer. His opponent, Jessie, slammed her own drink down and belched in triumph. The other dwarves around her, looking for all the world like the complete cast from the _Hobbit_ movies, cheered her victory. When these short little men challenged her to a drinking contest, she couldn’t say no - it’s not everyday you get to make a competition out of your favorite hobby.

“Bloody hell, lass!” the defeated chuckled as he climbed back into his seat. “Ah’ve never seen a woman drink that much before! You sure you don’t have a lil’ bit of dwarf in ye?”

“Nope.” Jessie replied. “Although…” she reached over and tickled his beard. “I wouldn’t mind having a little dwarf in me…” she purred.

“Oh, careful lass. You might get more than a little…” the dwarf flirted back.

“I’m counting on it.” Jessie winked.

As Jessie continued to get her freak on, Beli rolled her eyes as she watched from the other end of the bar. Of course, it wasn’t a party until Jessie started coming on to someone. Of course, this IS a porn party. Perhaps she should be thankful that nobody is doing coke or having orgies in any of the back rooms. Then again, the night is still young.

Beli looked around and saw the other Hunies were getting chatted up by guests. Nadia was getting on swimmingly with some other witches, Candy was arm-wrestling what looked like an orc (and was winning), and Audrey was…..stepping……on…….oh dear. The party was already turning openly lewd.

She bit her lip. She knew that it would only be a matter of time until an amorous guest comes up to her, looking to chat and flirt, maybe even more. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. As much as she enjoyed the attention she got on the website, performing for thousands of anonymous online fans is one thing, but to have an actual flesh-and-blood creature look at you with lust? The thought was equal parts frightening and exciting. An appropriate feeling for Halloween, she mused.

“Hey there! How’s it going?”

And there it was. Beli took a breath and looked up. Before him was a charming-looking young man. He seemed to be of a caucasian-persuasion, and decked out in a very dapper looking green tuxedo. Draped around his shoulders was a fuzzy green cloak that almost looked like it was made of grass or moss. His hair seemed to have been heavily dyed green, and adorning his green head was a crown made from feathers, flowers, and a small pair of antlers. Most striking of all though, was a pair of unnaturally red eyes that glinted with mischief.

The man took a seat next to Beli. “Beli, right?” he asked, holding out his hand to shake.

“I am. Beli Buttonz.” She replied, using her porn name.

“Pleasure. Call me Puck.” he said.

“Oh, you’re dressed as Puck from _A Midsummer Night’s Dream._ ”

“…Yeah. Dressed.” he said. “Actually, my name really IS Puck.”

“Really? That’s an odd name.”

“No odder than your Kyu’s.”

Beli raised an eyebrow. “You know Kyu?” she asked.

“Intimately.” Puck replied. “She and I went to Elsewhere University together. In fact, we actually used to be quite the item.”

“Oh my.” Beli replied. “What happened? I mean…if you don’t mind my asking.”

“Not at all.” Puck replied. “As for what happened, well, Kyu’s always been a wild spirit. She loves her freedom too much to tie herself down to anyone, even me it seems.”

He paused. “We were actually together for a long time. I even thought she might’ve been the one.”

“It must’ve been difficult, letting her go.” Beli said, heart full of sympathy for the male fairy.

“Most painful thing I ever had to do.” Puck replied. “But alas, she has chosen her path, and I must make peace with that. When I heard she’d started her own studio and was throwing a party tonight, I decided to take it as an opportunity to meet up with her. Catch up.”

“We can go find her, if you want.” Beli said.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not in any particular rush, truth be told. If I know Kyu, she’ll be the one to find me soon enough. Besides, I wanted to talk to you in the meantime. I heard you were one of Huniepop’s loveliest Hunies…”

Beli couldn’t help but blush. “Th-thank you.” she said.

*****

“…And a couple months after graduating Glenberry University with a master’s degree in quantitative finance, I search through the classifieds and found a job opening here at Huniepop Studios. And the rest is history, as they say.” Bradley finished.

“Fascinating.” Celeste replied. “If you don’t mind my saying, I’m a little surprised that your first job would be here instead of in some large-scale corporation.”

“Yes well, none of the local offices were looking for an accountant, and one can’t afford to be picky in today’s economy.” Bradley shrugged. “We all have to start somewhere, I suppose.”

“…Math is _boring._ ” Momo whined as her head rested on on the table, where it has been resting for the entirety of Bradley’s long-winded overview of his studies.

“Well, _I_ admire your knowledge of mathematics, Brad.” Celeste said. “Such skills are prized where I come from, although we have more engineers than accountants back home.”

“Engineers?” Bradley asked.

“Oh yes. My people are quite passionate about science.” Celeste said. “Forgive me, but I must ask, have you ever thought about becoming a scientist instead?”

“Well, funny you should ask that.” Bradley replied. “When I started my college career, I originally wanted to be an astronomer.”

Celeste’s eyes seemed to light up at that. “Really?”

“It was part of my reasons to focus on mathematical studies.” Bradley shrugged. “Eventually though, I decided I could make more money as an accountant. Though I still dabble in astronomy as a hobby. I’ve even got my own telescope back in my apartment.”

“Do you?” Celeste asked. “Perhaps you can show it to me…”

Momo glared at the taller blue girl, growling.

“Hi, girls~” Kyu said as she suddenly appeared behind Bradley, making him jump. “So, how are we doing?”

“Very well.” Celeste said. “Kyu, you never mentioned your assistant had knowledge of astronomy.”

“Or that he liked kitties!” Momo added. It was Celeste’s turn to glare at the cat girl now, and Momo was more than willing to reciprocate.

“Oh shit…” Kyu whispered into Bradley’s ear. “They’re actually _fighting_ over you. Nice work, Brad. I always knew you had it in you.”

“What do I do?” Brad whispered back in a panic.

“Alright, I’ll throw you a life saver. See, when two girls are fighting over you, you gotta - “

Kyu’s sentence died on her tongue as her head twisted in another direction, as if hearing something in the distance. “Kyu?” Bradley asked.

“I sense a disturbance in the swag.” Kyu said. “A presence I have not felt since…”

As soon as the fairy saw Beli chatting up some young man in a green tuxedo, she pulled back her lips in a growl. “ _Puck._ ”

“Kyu said a bad word!” Momo gasped.

“Actually, she didn’t.” Celeste said.

“Oh no. I did.” Kyu growled before stomping over with more fury in her eyes than Bradley’s ever seen before.

“Kyu. Kyu! Don’t leave me with them!” Bradley’s pleas came too late, as Kyu had already disappeared into the sea of bodies.

“Master, I was wondering…” Momo said. “Maybe you could take me to the zoo tomorrow? I’d love to see all the fishies!”

“Uh…”

“As if he’s willing to indulge your childish hobbies.” Celeste scoffed. “I believe he would much rather take me to an outdoor lounge, where we can gaze at the night sky while enjoying one another’s company.”

“UH…”

*****

Beli giggled at another of Puck’s jokes. “Oh my…..I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much from one person.”

“It’s a talent of mine.” Puck humble-bragged. He paused as he gazed at Beli, as if simply admiring her beauty. Beli blushed from the way he stared at her. “…What’s your name?”

“You already know…” Beli said with a blush. “It’s Beli Buttonz…”

“No. Your _true_ name.” Puck said.

It was then that Kyu suddenly appeared between them, staring Puck down. “Ah, there you are Kyu. I was wondering when you’d find me.”

“Puck! It’s such a surprise to see you here!” Kyu said. “Mostly because _you weren’t invited._ ”

“Well, when I heard you were throwing this party, I just had to come check it out.” Puck replied. “How’ve you been?”

“Just peachy! Say, would you mind excusing me for a minute? I need to talk to Beli about something. After that, we can…..catch up.” Kyu said.

“Of course. I’ll be by the punch bowl.” Puck said as he walked off.

As soon as he was gone, Kyu took his former seat. “How long has _he_ been here?” she demanded.

“I…..don’t know.” Beli replied. “We were only talking for a few minutes.”

“I’ve seen him skulking around about half an hour ago, so he’s been here at least that long.” Nora said as she approached the pair. “I’ve been watchin’ him. Gut’s been tellin’ me to keep an eye on him.”

“And rightfully so.” Kyu said. “Trust me - Puck is a grade-A douche, AND a creep.”

“He said you and him were together once.” Beli pointed out. “Is that true?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Kyu said. “There’s a reason I broke up with him. Long story, I’d rather not get into it. Beli, I heard what he asked you - whatever you do, do NOT tell him your full name. Stage name only, you got that?”

“Alright.” Beli said.

“Good. That goes for you too, Nora. In fact, Beli, go around and tell every other Hunie - stage names ONLY. Also, if he offers you food or drink, don’t take it. Finally, _never_ ask him for a favor. I know that part sounds random, but just don’t do it.”

“You seem oddly serious about all this, Kyu.” Beli observed, having never seen her boss so devoid of fun and mischief before. “Puck seems nice.”

“They always do, at first.” Nora said.

“You don’t know the half of it, Nora.” Kyu replied.

“Kyu, if he’s really as bad as you say, maybe you should just ask him to leave?” Beli suggested.

“If I could, I would.” Kyu answered with a sigh. “Let’s just say that Puck works for some very influential people. It’s complicated. I don’t plan on _starting_ shit, but if he starts it first, I won’t hesitate to finish it.” On that note, she turned on her heels and forged her way towards Puck. Meanwhile, Beli began her own task of tracking down the other Hunies and warning them about Puck.

*******

Nikki had been playing _Pokemon Moon_ for the last fifteen minutes or so, wearing earbuds to better tune out the party outside. With _Pokemon USUM_ dropping next month, she had developed the urge to upload her last Moon team to the _Pokemon Bank_ and start over from scratch. She was cautiously optimistic about the upcoming games - they looked interesting enough, but they looked just a little too similar to the last games to her. She’ll buy them eventually, of course, but she’ll wait for a price drop or at least positive reviews from literally anyone besides IGN.

The editing room was a small, cramped, dimly-lit room with a large computer setup of Nikki’s own design, custom-made for editing hours upon hours of footage. Nikki was responsible for video editing on top of website maintenance and management, and she did it all from this rig. It was hard work, but the upshot was that the room was an introvert’s paradise, and Nikki found it perfect for getting all-too-precious personal time in-between scenes.

A sound then snapped her out of her reverie. The sound of a key being slipped into the door and the knob turning. _People!_ Obeying her first instinct, Nikki quickly and silently retreated further into the room, hiding behind a shelf of computer equipment.

Kyu was the one who entered the room, and right on her tail was some weird guy who, judging from his outfit, seemed to love green as much as Kyu loved pink. “Okay, we should have plenty of privacy in here.” Kyu said as the other guy closed the door behind him. Nikki watched from her dark corner - they didn’t seem to have noticed her yet. “Let’s start with the obvious, shall we? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you again.” the man answered with a shrug. “I heard about this little game of yours, and I wanted to inspect it.”

“Yeah, bullshit.” Kyu replied. “I know you, Puck. What’s your angle?”

“Straight to business?” the man, apparently named Puck, replied. “How unlike you, Kyu. I was looking forward to your classically perverse wit. Well, if you must know, I’ve taken an interest in your thralls.”

 _Thralls?_ Nikki thought to herself.

“They’re my Hunies.” Kyu corrected.

“Is that what you’re calling them? Cute.” Puck replied. “I’ve talked to one of them up close and observed the rest from afar. It’s quite an impressive collection. So many different kinds of women, each so delectable in their own unique way.”

“Don’t even think about it. They’re _mine_.” Kyu growled. Nikki shivered from the way Puck described the Hunies. He was giving off some bad vibes. Then again, so was Kyu. What did she mean when she said the Hunies were ‘hers?’

“As greedy as ever, I see.” Puck replied. By now it was very clear to Nikki that Kyu and this guy had some kind of history. “And yet, you’ve made no claim on them. No glamour.”

“That’s because you don’t need glamour when you’ve got legally binding employment contracts.” Kyu said. “Welcome to the 21st century, Puck.”

“Contracts don’t mean much in the courts back home.” Puck said. Back home? Where’s home? Come to think of it, where IS Kyu from? The more Nikki thought, the more she realized that she didn’t really know that much about Kyu’s personal life or history. _Nobody_ knew…

“Look, just _back off_ , alright?” Kyu said. “My girls are off-limits, period. We clear?”

“…Crystal.” Puck finally said. “I won’t bother your performers anymore for the rest of the evening. You have my word on that.”

“I’d better.” she snarled.

Puck then put on a very creepy smile. “So….if your girls are off-limits…..what about you?” he said as he reached out for Kyu’s cheek. Her hand caught his wrist and held it there in a vice.

“It’s over, Puck.” Kyu said. “It’s been over for a while.”

“Oh come on, Kyu. Don’t tell me you don’t miss it.” Puck said. “The revels in the forest. The nights we spent dancing naked under the full moon. The Wild Hunt.”

Wild Hunt…Nikki’s read that term somewhere before, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“You gave all that up for…..this?” he asked, gesturing to the room. “How can you live like this? In a _city_ of all places?”

“See, this is why I dumped you.” Kyu said as she finally let go of Puck’s wrist. “You can’t see the bigger picture. You’re too old school. Like it or not, the world is changing, which means we need to change with it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a party to host. Leave, stay, I don’t care. Just don’t cause any more trouble.”

On that note, she left the room and, with a scowl, Puck reluctantly followed her. Nikki couldn’t help but wonder what exactly they were talking about. She saved and quit her game, turned off her 2DS (yes, a 2DS, because why pay extra for a 3D feature she wouldn’t even use?), and took to the computer she used for editing, booting it up and logging on. She faintly recalled where she heard the term ‘Wild Hunt’ before.

Nikki logged into Reddit and started poking around the cryptid subreddits. While aliens and UFOs were more her area of expertise, she also did some research on ancient mythology and folklore on the side, theorizing that some of the more bizarre cryptids were in truth alien visitors. She searched the term ‘Wild Hunt’ and her eyes widened at what she saw.

The Wild Hunt was a myth originating in Pre-Christian Europe. It was a hunting group of elves, ghosts, and fairies, chasing some sort of wild game throughout the woods. It was said that it was an ill omen for the hunt to appear before mortals, as it heralded some great disaster like a war or a plague. There was some freaky artwork there as well, supernatural beings riding on horses in great numbers, almost looking like an army.

But what did that have to do with Kyu and Puck?

Nikki then remembered their costumes. They were both fairies. Kyu was a modern fairy - wings, pixie dust, the works. But with the antler crown and grass cloak, Puck more closely resembled the fairies she was seeing in these paintings - old school fae, from a time where the creatures weren’t considered so benevolent...

This led Nikki to do more research on folklore regarding the fairies, or “the Fair Folk” as they were sometimes called back in the days of yore. They were blamed for nearly all of mankind’s ills back in the medieval era, before Humans understood science. She read that they would interfere in the lives of mortals, seemingly for no other reason than their own amusement, and how they can be kept at bay with salt circles, certain kinds of herbs, and cold iron.

Once she read about fairy kidnappings, that’s when the pieces started falling into place.

If fairies found themselves taking a liking to certain mortals, they would take them away into the fairy realm to make them into servants, pets, or something worse. It was even rumored that fairies would make spouses out of such mortals. They would accomplish this through glamours, charm spells that enthralled the victims and not even make them think twice about wandering into the woods, luring them away from their homes and into their worlds, which one can access through rings of mushrooms in the woods called fairy circles.

Nikki began to hyper-ventilate. The way Kyu referred to the girls as ‘her Hunies’, in the same tone one would talk to one’s favorite pets. Did Kyu glamour them? How could they even tell if they were glamoured? Kyu told Puck that she didn’t use them, but fae are wily and aren’t to be trusted. A few myths claim that they can’t really lie, but they can and will speak in half-truths. Was what Kyu said a half-truth? She may not have charmed any of the girls directly, but it IS quite the coincidence that so many different women would be willing to work for a porn studio all in the same town. Some girls came here after being fired from their old jobs, so did Kyu do something to get them fired? Interfered and toyed with their lives like her kind have been doing for a thousand years?

The more answers she found, the more questions rose. Fairies are sticklers for rules, particularly their own. Is that why Kyu is so strict when it comes to rules, and gets so bitchy whenever they get broken? Fairies live in the woods - is that where Kyu goes after work? She’s always the first one in and the last one out, and no one knows where she lives, nor has she ever cared to mention it. It was frightening just how much sense this made, how well this explained all of Kyu’s weird quirks.

It even explained the way she talked. The way she talked like a foul-mouthed valley girl sounded less like a human being and more like a supernatural entity trying WAY too hard to sound like a human being.

Nikki wasted no more time. She printed out all her research material, grabbed it, and bolted out the door. The other girls needed to know!

********

“Kyu! Help me!”

No sooner did Kyu return to the soundstage-turned-dance floor did Bradley come rushing up to the fairy, begging for help. Kyu rolled her eyes. Out of one crisis and into another. “Alright, what’s up, superstar?”

“Momo and Celeste are fighting.” Bradley said as he pointed to a table where the two girls were arm wrestling as orcs, ogres and oni were all cheering them on.

“How are you this strong?!” Celeste demanded as the two were surprisingly even.

“Relative to size, domestic cats are actually more agile and powerful than tigers!” Momo replied.

“Enough with your useless kitty facts!” Celeste hissed back.

“Oh wow, they are going to _murder_ each other at this rate.” Kyu said. “Didn’t think they’d get THIS competitive.”

“What do I do?!” Bradley begged.

“Only one thing to do - pick one of them.”

“…Pick one?” Bradley asked.

“Yeah, see I was kinda hoping this would end in a three-way for you, but CLEARLY that’s no longer an option. I mean, it was a long shot to begin with, but it’s definitely not happening now.” she paused and stroked her chin in thought. “Although, maybe if we framed it as some kind of sex contest…”

“Kyu!”

“Right, right, you’re right, probably wouldn’t work anyway.” Kyu said. “So yeah, the only way to end their bickering is to put your foot down and pick one of them.”

Bradley fidgeted and wrung his hands as he whined. Kyu rolled her eyes. “Look Bradley, YOU’RE the one they’re fighting over. That means YOU’RE the one with the leverage in this situation. You have the power to end this anytime you want. Just pick one of them.”

“But won’t the other be furious?” Bradley asked.

“Probably.” Kyu replied with a shrug. “But seeing as we’ve now reached the arm-wrestling stage of this conflict, a peaceful resolution is no longer possible. Better to just pick one and get it over with, like ripping off a band-aid.”

Kyu placed a comforting hand on Bradley’s shoulder. “Brad. You gotta do what you gotta do. It's time to grow a spine.”

“I think we both know I’m an absolute invertebrate.” Bradley replied.

“Just get in there you big baby!” Kyu said as she pushed Bradley towards Momo and Celeste, still locked in their duel.

Bradley straightened up and cleared his throat. The two ladies ceased their contest and looked at him. “Ladies…..” he began. He paused. “I just wanted to say OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT!”

As the cat girl and alien looked at whatever Bradley was pointing at, the accountant turned tail and ran out of the soundstage, down the hall, and locked himself in his office where he remained for the rest of the night.

Kyu sighed. “Someday, Bradley.” she quietly said to herself. “Someday.”

********

“A year old, already?”

Kyanna nodded. “Yeah. They grow up real fast.”

“Can’t be easy, raising a child all by yourself.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that.” Kyanna replied. “I mean, I’ve got the familia to help raise Phillip. My mom and grandma help out, my cousin Nora is easily his favorite sitter, even my brothers help out sometimes - can’t depend on them to change diapers, though.”

“Hm. Takes a village to raise a child, doesn’t it?”

“Sure makes things a lot easier. I don’t know where me and Phillip would be if not for them, you know?” She paused.

“Something on your mind?”

“It’s just……aye, this is gonna sound stupid.”

“No no, I wanna hear it.”

“Well, it’s just……I really wanna be an actress.”

“Ah. That explains why you’re working at this studio.”

“Yeah, not really _that_ kind of actress. But you know - Hollywood and stuff.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“Well….I starred in a local commercial about a year ago…….”

“Hm. You know Kyanna, I have some friends in high places…..perhaps I can talk to someone. Perhaps arrange something for you.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly - “

“Please, I assure you…”

Puck provided Kyanna with another pina colada. “You are free to ask any favor of me.”

******

“Tiffany!” Nikki said as she ran over to the blonde, who was sampling some of the pretzel dogs at the snack table. “Tiffany!”

“Nikki? What’s going on?” Tiffany asked, concerned for her friend who seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack.

“Kyu’s a fairy!” Nikki shouted.

Tiffany paused, then looked to Kyu on the other side of the room, as she was chatting up some more guests. “Um, yes?”

“No, I mean she’s a REAL fairy!” Nikki said. “And not the Disney kind either, but the old school ‘kidnap your baby and replace it with a fake one’ kind!”

“Ooooookay.” Tiffany replied, suddenly a little uncomfortable.

“I overheard her and this other guy talking in the editing room! His name was Puck, and they were BOTH fairies! They were talking about thralls and glamours and the Wild Hunt! I even did some research here!”

“Oh God, you did research.” Tiffany said as she noticed the papers Nikki was holding. “You went to that cryptid subreddit again, didn’t you?”

“Tiffany, I am SERIOUS!” Nikki continued to rant. “We’re not Kyu’s employees! We’re her SERVANTS!”

“Aren’t employees and servants the same thing?” Tiffany asked.

“What the fuck are you two talking about?” Audrey asked as she walked over to her two friends.

“Nikki went to the cryptid subreddit again.” Tiffany said.

“Oh shit, here we go.” Audrey said as she rolled her eyes.

“No, I mean, look, Kyu is an actual fairy, Audrey! And I think she might’ve interfered in all of our lives somehow to bring us into this cam girl operation of hers! Thing is, I don’t know why! I mean, she probably did it for shits and giggles, right? That’s the same reason any fairy does anything. But I have this working theory that we’re not actually performing for porn-viewers on the internet, but actually for Kyu’s fellow fairies.” Nikki paused and gasped. “Oh my God…..fairies take mortal brides. What if THAT’S what this is?! What if Huniepop Studios is actually some kind of fairy bride training facility! She encourages all of us to embrace our sexualities and then once we’re slutty enough to satisfy the Gentry’s sick fetishes, THAT’S WHEN SHE AUCTIONS US OFF LIKE WE’RE FUCKING CATTLE!”

_SLAP!_

And that’s when Audrey gave Nikki the palm of her hand across her cheek. “Little harsh, but yeah, she kinda needed that.” Tiffany commented.

It was then that Beli came up to the three. “Hey girls. Have you seen this one gentleman in a green tuxedo, grass cloak and antlers?”

Nikki’s head snapped to Beli. “That’s him!” Nikki said. “That’s the guy Kyu was talking to!”

“Well, his name is Puck, and he’s Kyu’s ex-boyfriend.” Beli explained.

“Well, there you have it Nikki.” Tiffany said. “It sounded like Kyu was having a talk with an ex of hers and you just misinterpreted their conversation.”

“Bullshit!” Nikki called. “I heard what they said! They talked about doing fairy stuff, like dancing naked in the forest under a full moon!”

“So? Audrey did that last Fourth of July weekend, remember?” Tiffany pointed out.

“Ecstasy’s a hell of a drug.” Audrey added.

“Um, what’s going on?” Beli asked, a little confused.

“Nikki was on the cryptid subreddit again.” Audrey explained.

“Ah.” Beli replied, no longer confused. “Well, fairy or otherwise, Kyu just wanted to me to spread the word that Puck is kind of a creep sooo…..yeah. Watch out for him. Don’t accept any food or drink from him and don’t give him your real name.”

“Wait…..is THAT what Kyu told you?” Nikki asked. Beli nodded. “Holy shit, this proves it! Two things you NEVER do with a fae, is accept any food or drink from them, or give them your real name! Doing the former ruins mortal food forever for you, and the latter _gives them power over you._ ”

“Or maybe Puck is just a creepy stalker who roofies girls’ drinks?” Audrey suggested.

“And even if what you’re saying is true, maybe Kyu is a good fairy?” Tiffany proposed, hoping that trying to argue within Nikki’s logic might calm the bluenette down. “I mean, it sounds like Kyu is trying to protect us from Puck.”

“I heard what Kyu said. She said we were _hers._ ” Nikki countered. “Kyu’s protecting us, but not out of compassion. She just doesn’t want another fairy horning in on her racket.”

“Sup girls.” Renee said as she approached the group by the snack table. “Y’all seen Kyanna around? I haven’t seen her anywhere lately.”

“Where did you last see her?” Tiffany asked, eager for any change of subject away from fairies.

“I think I saw her talking and drinking with this one dude. I think he was deer or somethin’.” Renee explained.

“A deer?” Nikki asked. “Wait….do you mean antlers? Green tux, green hair, green everything?”

“That’s the guy.” Renee said.

Beli gasped. “Oh no! I haven’t warned Kyanna about him yet! She doesn’t know what she’s getting into!”

“But Puck said that he wouldn’t go after any of Kyu’s girls.” Nikki said. “He gave his word, and fairies can’t go against…..oh shit! He only said he’d leave the performers alone! Kyanna’s not a performer! Loophole abuse! That’s another thing fairies do!”

“HE’S NOT A FUCKING FAIRY, NIKKI!” Audrey screeched.

“But he IS a possible rapist!” Tiffany pointed out. “Which means we need to find him and Kyanna ASAP before it’s too late!”

The group scattered as they began their search for Kyanna. Renee dawned her helmet and withdrew Frostmourne - the Lich Queen was now on a war path. “Yo Nora!” she said as she approached the bar. “You seen Kyanna around?”

“No…..What’s goin’ on?” Nora asked, uneased by the urgency in Renee’s tone.

“Last time I saw her, she was having drinks with Puck.” Renee replied.

“Oh, HELL no!” Nora said. “Sorry people, bar’s closed! Family emergency!” she said as she vaulted over the bar and joined Renee in stomping her way around the studio in search of her baby cousin.

*******

“Kyanna! You in here?” Tiffany asked as she and Nikki checked the prop room. Alas, no Kyanna or Puck in here, but that didn’t seem to stop Nikki from rushing in and start searching through the prop boxes. “Nikki? What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for something made out of iron!” Nikki replied. “Like a crowbar or a pipe or something. Cold iron is like kryptonite to fairies!”

“Nikki, we don’t have time for this! We need to find Kyanna now!” Tiffany scolded.

But Nikki was determined, heedless to Tiffany’s pleas as she dug through box after box. Tiffany rolled her eyes and moved on, not having time to try and talk Nikki out of her delusions. About ten seconds later though, Nikki found what she was looking for - a nine-iron golf club. Perfect! She ran out the room and rejoined Tiffany in the search.

*******

“So wait…..you actually work for a producer?” Kyanna asked before eliciting a drunken hiccup.

“In a sense.” Puck replied. The two were in the upstairs dressing room, which offered the perfect balance of privacy and comfort. The former as it was well out of the way from the main party down on the soundstage, the latter as it had a very plush couch just big enough for two. “He mostly deals in plays more than movies. I can’t promise Hollywood, but I can promise Broadway.”

“Mmmm…..” Kyanna paused in thought as she imagined her name up in lights down in Times Square. She hiccuped again.

“Care for one more drink?” he asked.

“I dunno. I think I’m pretty set.” Kyanna said.

“Oh, but you simply MUST try some nectar.”

“Nectar?”

Puck pulled from his pocket a vial of what seemed to be some kind of fluid the color of honey. “Just a little concoction that’s an old family recipe of mine, able to be mixed into any drink to make it the sweetest thing to ever cross your tongue. I should warn you though - it’s so good, no other drink will ever satisfy you ever again.”

“Is that a challenge?” Kyanna asked as she put on her game face.

“It’s whatever you want it to be, my dear.” Puck replied.

“Well shit then, pour me up!” Kyanna hiccuped. Puck smiled as he poured the mysterious honey into her drink. Kyanna moved the drink to her lips.

_SLAM!!!_

“Everybody hold up!” Nora said as she busted the door open. “Kyanna! Don’t drink that shit! He’s about to roofy you!”

“What?” Kyanna asked, not fully understanding what was going on as Nora stomped over and snatched the drink from her hand. “Hey!” Her protests went unacknowledged as Nora sniffed the drink and curled her nose before giving Puck a glare.

“I dunno what you put in here, bendejo, but this sure as hell ain’t how a pina colada is supposed to smell.” Nora said.

“That’s because he added nectar to it.” Kyanna said.

“Oh _did he_?” Nora asked as she poured out the drink on the carpet.

“My dear, I think you might be jumping to conclusions.” Puck said, cool as a cucumber. “I’ve no intention of giving this fine young lady anything that she _hasn’t_ asked for.”

“You’re sayin’ she’s askin’ for it?” Nora asked. “Oh man, you are NOT helpin’ your case, hombre.”

“Kyanna!” Tiffany said as she appeared in the doorway. “Are you okay?”

“I’m kinda drunk.” Kyanna answered. “Otherwise, I think I’m fine.”

“Oh thank God, Nora’s here.” Tiffany sighed in relief. A few seconds later, Nikki came into the room as well.

“Nora! Catch!” Nikki shouted as she tossed Nora the nine-iron. Nora caught it and smiled evilly as she weighed it in her hands.

“Oh yeah. This’ll do the job.” Nora commented before locking her gaze on Puck again.

“Um…..H-hold on a minute.” Puck said as he got up from the couch and started backing off. Whatever cool he might’ve had went out the window the moment the golf club entered Nora’s hands. “L-let’s not do anything too hasty here. I-I-I’m sure we can strike a bargain. Is there anything you’d want?”

“Right now, all I want is your ass, outside, bleeding on the pavement.” Nora growled as she stalked towards Puck like a predator intent on the kill.

“You don’t want that!” Puck panicked as he was finally backed into a corner. “I work for very powerful people! The last thing you want is to risk their wrath!”

“Then how about this.” Nikki said as she walked up to Nora’s side. “Begone from this place, and never come back.”

“She’s offerin’ you a good deal, nature boy.” Nora said. “I suggest you take it before Mr. Nine-Iron here makes you another deal.”

Puck didn’t need to be told twice. He immediately scurried out of the dressing room. Nikki looked around the room’s drawers and cabinets until she found a can of de-icing salt. She grabbed it and walked up to the doorway, pouring out a salt line there. “That oughta keep him out.” she said.

“You okay, cuz?” Nora said as she walked over to Kyanna.

“I’m kinda drunk…” Kyanna replied. “What just happened?”

“Creeper almost roofied you.” Tiffany explained. “Nora totally just saved your bacon.”

“Woah. Thanks, Cuz.” Kyanna said.

“Next time, watch out for guys trying to load you up on drink after drink.” Nora said.

“Yo, I just saw Puck run outta here like a T-rex was cha-“ Kyu stopped herself just shy of the doorway before looking down. “Why is there salt on the floor?”

It was then that Nikki snatched the golf club away from a startled Nora. “Woah there!” Kyu said as she backed off a bit as Nikki pointed the club at her threateningly. “Watch where you swing that fucking thing!”

“Why? You have an aversion to it?” Nikki interrogated.

“I have an aversion to blunt objects that could be used as a weapon, yes.” Kyu deadpanned. “Seriously though, what’s going on? Why did Puck run out of here?”

“He was creeping on my cousin so I chased him off with this nine-iron.” Nora said.

“Ah, shit.” Kyu cursed. “I’m gonna catch so much hell from his bosses over this.”

“And who are his bosses? Oberon and Titania? _King and Queen of the Fairies?_ ” Nikki demanded.

“Close. Puck works for a Shakespearian theatre company.” Kyu answered. “Seriously, the live theatre industry is surprisingly cutthroat. You do NOT wanna cross them.”

“Stop being cute!” Nikki shouted. “We all know what you are!”

“We do?” Kyanna asked.

“The fuck’s with her?” Nora asked.

“Cryptid subreddit.” Tiffany explained.

“Ah.” both of the Delrios said in unison.

“I’m not crazy!” Nikki shouted to the others. “I’m telling you, Kyu and Puck are FAIRIES!!!”

Kyu paused. Then she looked down at her costume. “Um……yeah?” she replied, as though it was obvious.

“No, she thinks you’re a REAL fairy, Kyu.” Tiffany clarified. “As in, that costume isn’t actually a costume.”

Kyu paused, then looked at Nikki with a raised eyebrow. “You think I’m a real fairy?”

“I was hiding in the editing room while you and Puck were talking.” Nikki said. “I heard everything!”

“Okay, Nikki. What did I say exactly?” Kyu asked.

“Puck said we were your thralls!” Nikki said. “And you said we were yours!”

“Um, Puck works in the live theatre industry? They ALL talk like that.” Kyu said. “And he was trying to poach my talent. It’s why he skulks around cam girl operations - he sees the girls as easy marks desperate enough to sign any shitty old contract.”

“He….he mentioned 'courts back home!' Where’s home, huh? The fairy kingdom?!” Nikki pressed. “Is that where you go every night? Is that where you live?”

“Um, Puck and I are from Oregon.” Kyu answered. “And I live in Bayview Apartments. Tiffany is actually my neighbor.”

“It’s true.” Tiffany said. “I once caught her riding on top of a washing machine.”

“That’s right! And then she glamoured you!” Nikki said to Tiffany before turning back to Kyu. “You used charm spells to trick us all into signing up to be cam girls! Why else would Tiffany willingly work in a porn studio?!”

“I needed the money.” Tiffany said. “Also, when Kyu noticed that I caught her riding the washing machine, she bribed me with a job offer so I wouldn’t tell the landlord on her.”

“And that’s the story of how Tiffany was hired!” Kyu cheerfully added.

“What about this nine-iron?” Nikki said as she held up the club. “As soon as I tossed it to Nora, Puck looked like he was gonna shit his pants!”

“I think that’s because Nora was about to beat him to death with it.” Tiffany said. “Most people have that reaction whenever Nora is holding…..anything, really. No offense, Nora.”

“None taken.” Nora replied.

“But….but the revels in the forest!” Nikki went on. “The naked dancing under the full moon! The Wild Hunt!”

Kyu laughed nervously. “Ehehe…..let’s just say my college years were pretty wild. Ecstasy’s a hell of a drug. So, that explains everything?”

“…What about the salt line?” Nikki asked. “You stopped dead in your tracks the moment-“

Nikki’s sentence died as Kyu casually stepped over the salt line. “And if you STILL need proof…” the supposed fairy said as she reached over her shoulder, seemingly unclasping something. An audible click was heard and then, Kyu lived the large plastic wings over her shoulders and out to Nikki for the bluenette to see for herself. And then she dropped the wings like they were a mic.

“…….But……..but………” Nikki stammered. “I was so convinced…….and everything……..”

“There, there, Nikki.” Kyu said as she patted the bluenette on the shoulders. “It’s not your fault that my cosplay skills blew your mind _that_ hard.” She then handed Nikki a broom. “Just go sweep up that salt and well call it even.”

Nikki took the broom from Kyu as Kyu took the club from Nikki. Kyu’s hands didn’t sizzle or melt or whatever was supposed to happen whenever a fairy handled iron, which pounded the final nail into her delusion’s coffin. As Kyu walked out of the room, Nikki hung her head in shame. “I’m such an idiot…”

“You’re not an idiot.” Tiffany said as she gave her friend a hug. “Your imagination just runs a little too wild sometimes.”

“Gimme your keys, Kyanna.” Nora said. “I’ll drive ya home tonight.”

“Yeah…..yeah, home is good.” Kyanna muttered as she gave Nora her keys. “I think I’ve had enough Halloween fun for one year.”

*****

The party would continue for another few hours. As the night wore on, and more and more guests were getting party fatigued, Kyu finally decided to call it quits at about two in the morning. She declared last call, and the bar was swarmed by guests looking to grab one more drink for the road. With Nora gone for the night, Renee had volunteered to take her place and happily handed out the last few drinks.

As the clock struck two, that was it. The guests poured out as suddenly and efficiently as they poured in five hours earlier. By a quarter past, the parking lot was empty save for the Hunies’ cars and the soundstage itself was all but empty and surprisingly clean in the party’s wake, as though it never even happened. The only traces of the part left was tables full of empty snack bowls, a bar depleted of most of its liquor, and a pair of phone numbers that were left outside Bradley’s office door - one written with a NASA pen, the other written with yellow crayon, accompanied by a crudely-drawn cat emoji face.

Kyu congratulated her employees on a party well thrown, and dismissed them for the rest of the night. Naturally, they were all expected to return the following morning at the usual time, because Kyu wasn’t _that_ kind.

*****

Early the next morning, Nikki walked her usual route to work from her apartment. She was not looking forward to all the teasing she was sure to face today after last night’s shenanigans. Especially from Audrey - she was going to be cracking fairy jokes at Nikki for _months._

She was almost to the studio now, and it felt more and more like marching to her own doom. She passed the same vacant lot as always, a grassy, trash-filled mess. She saw something out of the corner of her eye that made her stop.

In the middle of the vacant lot was a ring of mushrooms, a fairy circle, just large enough for someone to stand in.

Had that always been there?

…..

“…..Just a coincidence.” Nikki said to herself as she resumed walking. After last night’s humiliation, she was officially done with all things supernatural, especially that damned cryptid subreddit.

The vacant lot was still mostly in shadow, as the morning sun had yet to reach high enough to shine down on it. The mushrooms began to glow, faintly and eerily, in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Living Tombstones' rendition of Grim Grinning Ghosts on repeat while writing this. It helped me stay in the mood. I needed it because, holy shit, was this chapter massive. Like......my typing fingers. They're so fucking tired. Yeah, I'm DEFINITELY not updating this again until Christmas.
> 
> Happy Halloween, Y'all!


	9. The Night Shift

“Aaaaand cut! Print! That’s a wrap!” Kyu instructed. Nikki turned off the camera as Tommy helped Lola up. “You two were awesome today!”

“Well……you know…..” Lola said as Tommy groped her naked breasts from behind and left kisses all over her neck, the woman cooing from all the attention. Nikki rolled her eyes - ever since those two officially became an item, they’ve been kind of nauseating to watch - which made today’s scene particularly hard to sit through. Somehow, between all the spanking and hair-pulling, they still found a way to make lovey eyes at each other.

“I believe that’s our last scene.” Lola said. “So can we….?”

“Ah, go have fun you crazy kids!” Kyu said. Lola nodded her thanks as she took her boyfriend’s hand and lead him off the stage. The CEO turned to Nikki. “Alright Nikki. Monday night, you know the drill by now. Don’t forget to lock up when you leave.” the pink-haired business owner said as she too left the stage, leaving Nikki and Kyanna pack up the equipment.

Nikki sighed as she began her work. Monday night was editing night - when she would go over all the footage they’d filmed the previous week, edit it into something a little more professional quality, then queue them all up to be posted to the website automatically throughout the week. And given all the videos Huniepop produces in a given week, Monday nights were often very busy for Nikki.

“Here.” Kyanna said as she picked up the director’s chair that Nikki was about to grab. “I’ll put everything away. You go ahead and get started on the editing.”

“Thanks, Kyanna.” Nikki replied.

“So, did you ever ask Kyu for that raise?” Kyanna inquired as she carried the chair over to the corner of the stage.

“Eeeeehhhhhh……..”

“Nikki, girl, come on.” Kyanna said. “You film, you edit, you maintain the site - you’re the backbone of this operation and Kyu barely pays you more than Tiff. You deserve more and you know it.”

“I know.” Nikki sighed. “It’s just……I dunno………”

“Okay, this might just be me being the ‘mom friend’, but you’ve gotta start thinkin’ about your future.” Kyanna said.

“You sound like my actual mom.” Nikki grumbled.

“I’m just saying - do you really wanna be here for the rest of your life? Doing the work of fifty people for minimum wage?” Kyanna asked. “Ask for a raise. Or a promotion. Or find a better job. SOMETHING, yanno. You can do better than this.”

“….I’ll think about it.” Nikki replied. Kyanna seemed to shrug, reasoning (correctly) that that was all she was gonna get out of Nikki. Secretly, Nikki appreciated the concern. Kyanna was motherly, but not in a way that demeaned, patronized, or otherwise looked down on you. Nikki always appreciated that about her.

With all the equipment put away, Kyanna left the soundstage as well. Nikki then took the camera and left the stage herself, towards her personal office, the editing room. She walked through the mostly empty halls of the studio - most of the Hunies had gone home for the day, a few still lingering in the lounge, grabbing a snack for the road or too engrossed in conversation with a co-worker to leave just yet. They’d be gone soon enough though - and then Nikki would have the whole studio to herself.

She had a love-hate relationship with this part of the job. While she certainly didn’t care for staying and working for several more hours than everyone else for no extra pay, she did love the solitude of the task. For most of the day, the studio was so noisy - so much chatting, arguing, and of course the moans and screams of passion from the soundstage. But once everyone left and she was all alone? The studio was still and quiet. It felt almost sacred, if such a word could be applied to a cam girl studio. It faintly reminded her of her childhood, where she would stay up in her room until the wee hours of the morning, just enjoying how quiet her normally-noisy household was during the night. It was blissful.

The fact that this part of the job involved staring at beautiful, sexy women fucking each other for hours on end was also an upshot. Exhausting as it was, Nikki was well aware that there were many people who would kill to have a job like hers. And at least Kyu was merciful enough to only make her stay late like this once a week.

All in all, for all its flaws, this job was still a HUGE step-up over working as a barista.

She walked into the editing room - a small, cramped room with a large computer setup of her own design, custom-made for editing hours upon hours of footage. She took her seat, plugged the camera into the computer, put on some Ninja Sex Party (their newest album - Under the Covers Volume II), and went to work.

She started with a scene that Aiko did with Sarah and Zoey - it was mostly BDSM. Very little actual sex, just Aiko giving a spanking to the two tied up girls. Next was a solo piece by Audrey. It was a pretty typical Audrey scene - she slowly strips in-between spitting out venomous, profanity-laced insults into the camera. People had some weird fetishes. Next up was more of a normal scene between Nora and Renee. Well, about as normal as a scene can get when it involves butt plugs and strap-ons.

The more she worked, the more she felt that warmth between her legs, forcing her to cross her legs to control herself. She bit her lip as she tried to focus on her work. She’d done this enough times to know that, if she started masturbating now, it’d be hard to stop.

After she finished up editing Jessie’s piece, she moved on to the next one - a scene between Marlena and Candace, easily the two most well endowed girls in the studio. Nikki stared as the two women rubbed their tits against another one another, groping them, spanking them even. As Marlena took one of Candace’s nipples in her mouth, suckling on it and flicking it with her tongue, all while Candace whimpered for more, that was it. Nikki couldn’t handle it anymore. She was almost done with all the videos anyway, so doing it now couldn’t hurt too much right? She undid her belt, unzipped her fly, reached into her panties with two fingers and started going at it.

She allowed the footage to play on as she fingered herself. She closed her eyes and focused on the noises they made, the moans and the whimpers. She briefly imagined herself between them, caught in a whirlwind of lust and flesh. She reached underneath her shirt and cupped her breast, pushing aside the subconscious lamentation of her c-cups not being bigger in order to focus more on her pleasure.

When she felt herself getting close, she fast-forwarded to the end of the video, where the two busty women were violently scissoring each other, their cries and whimpers growing desperate as they too approached their climaxes. Nikki did this whenever she masturbated to porn - tried to match her own orgasm with the performers’. Made it almost like she was making them cum, as sad as it was to acknowledge. Not long after Candace and Marlena screamed their hearts out, Nikki made some noises of her own, grunting and moaning as she came, her legs shivering as the pleasure washed over and through her. She withdrew her fingers from herself and sucked on them. She knew that it was kind of gross that she liked the taste of her own juices, but she liked the naughty feeling it gave her. She briefly imagined someone dominant like Aiko or maybe even Nadia praising her for being such a good girl for -

 _Holy shit, Audrey’s right. I really do need to get laid._ Nikki thought to herself. She paused the video and got up out of the chair to stretch. Feeling a little peckish, she decided to give herself a quick snack break before getting back to work. She made her way out of the editing room and down the hall, downstairs to the employee lounge.

“AH!”

“FUCK!”

The blunette almost jumped out of her skin after Sarah shouted. She was sitting on the couch, reading a manga and was wearing her casual clothes. Well, casual for her standards, anyway. She was wearing blue overalls over a yellow-white striped t-shirt with a rainbow sleeve on her right arm. “You scared me!” Sarah accused.

“You scared me!” Nikki accused right back. “What are you even doing here so late?” Nikki asked.

“Well, I was about to leave when I decided to read a chapter or two of this manga and I guess I just lost track of time.” Sarah asked as she pressed her fingers together in anime fashion, embarrassed. “What time is it now?”

“Half-past eight.” Nikki replied. “Your shift ended, like, three hours ago.”

“…Huh.” the weaboo hummed in thought. Awkward silence hung in the air for a while.

“…So, are you gonna go home?” Nikki asked.

“…Maybe.” Sarah answered.

“Maybe? What do you mean maybe?” Nikki demanded. She was used to having the studio all to herself at this time of night on mondays, so the wannabe-ganguro’s unexpected presence irritated her.

“I mean…….I don’t really have anywhere to go besides home and…..well…….I kinda live in this really noisy apartment.” Sarah began to explain. “Like, I’ve got party-addicts on my left and a married couple shouting at each other on my right. I uh…….sometimes I stay late just….I dunno, hangin’ out. I like it here after dark. It’s quiet.” she paused in awkwardness. “If you need me to go, I can just-“

“No. No, it’s fine.” Nikki sighed. She felt a small pang of empathy for the other girl, knowing what it’s like to crave silence in a world that loves never-ending noise. “I’m just here to grab a snack. Don’t bug me, and I won’t bug you.”

“You editing?” Sarah asked as Nikki went to the cabinet.

“It’s Monday, so yeah.” Nikki sardonically replied as she opened the cabinet. She saw her prize on the top shelf - the package of chocolate chunk chips ahoy. Why was it on the top shelf? She sighed again as she grabbed a stool to help her reach it. Small boobs, five feet tall, why was puberty so cruel to her?

“You need any help, Nikki-chan?” Sarah asked.

“I’m fine.” Nikki grumped in reply as she put the stool down. “And it’s not Nikki-chan. It’s just Nikki.”

“But ‘chan’ is an informal term of endearment with overtones of intense cuteness, most often for little kids, kawaiiko teen girls, and close friends!” Sarah explained.

“Well, there you have it. I’m none of those things.” Nikki said as she stepped up and finally reached the cookies.

“But you’re a teenager and you _are_ pretty kawaii and - “ the weaboo paused. “…We’re not friends?”

“Sarah, we’ve both been working here for about six months, and I’m pretty sure this is the longest conversation we’ve had with each other.” Nikki explained as she came down from the stool. Sarah’s lips began to tremble. “Oh c’mon, don’t cry. It’s not that I dislike you. But I don’t really like you either. I nothing you. Don’t take it personally. Truth is, I nothing most people.”

“How come?” Sarah asked.

“Um…..I dunno.” Nikki replied with a shrug. “That’s just…how I’m hardwired, I guess. I just like being alone.”

“But what about Tiffany and Audrey? Aren’t they your friends?”

“Well yeah, but….wait, why are you even asking these things?” Nikki asked.

Sarah shrugged. “Just wanna know, I guess.”

“Well, I have friends, but I don’t feel a need to hang out with them 24/7, alright? I’m an introvert, look it up, good talk.” Nikki said as she power-walked out of the lounge, eager to get out of both the room and the conversation.

With cookie package in hand, she made her way back up to the editing room and resumed her work. She was almost finished by this point - just a few more videos left and she could go home.

This was one of Brooke’s Masked Madame scenes. These usually drove Nikki wild, but thankfully she was still in her post-orgasm chill so it didn’t affect her as much as usual. She was halfway through the videos when she realized that she forgot to get the milk. She couldn’t eat cookies without milk. She wasn’t an animal. She paused her work and got up from her chair, making her way back down to the lounge for that precious white liquid. Hopefully Sarah wouldn’t be there-

Son of a Goldshire whore, she was still there.

The weaboo was now lying on the couch, playing on a 3DS. She looked up at Nikki and smiled. “Hi again, Nikki-chan!”

Nikki groaned. “I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Sarah replied. Her face suddenly lit up. “Hey, you’ve got a 3DS too, right?”

“2DS, actually.” Nikki replied.

“Well, I’m playing _Pokemon Ultra Sun_! Wanna play with me?” she asked.

“…Are…are you challenging me to a battle?” she asked.

“We can battle if you want to.” Sarah said. “But if you’re too scared to try, that’s okay. My pokemon are pretty high level…”

Nikki’s eye suddenly twitched, along with her thumbs. _Oh shit, I’m feeling it._ The urge to conquer. To crush another person’s dreams, grinding them into dust. To drink the delicious, salty-sweet tears of a defeated opponent.

“…I’m gonna go get my 2DS.” Nikki replied.

******

_”Sparky! Thunder!”_

_The Alolan Raichu surfed atop its own tail as it shot a massive bolt of lightning at its flying foe, but missed._

_“Ha! Okay, Quetzal - strike back with Earthquake!”_

_The Aerodactyl screeched as it dived for the ground, doing a front flip and slamming its massive tail on the ground, making it shake as huge rock pillars shot up from the floor of the arena. The crowd went crazy as the Raichu began taking heavy damage._

_“Oh, this pokemon looks wrong!” the commentator commentated._

******

“Thunder? Really?” Nikki sardonically asked. “At least set up with Rain Dance, first.”

“It’s not over yet.” Sarah said as she recalled her Raichu and sent out her next pokemon.

******

_“Violet! Leaf Blade!”_

_“Reflect, Greylien!”_

_The Lurantis’s claws slammed on the reflective barrier summoned by Nikki’s Espeon. The mantis pokemon’s attack would’ve done more damage if the psychic-type weren’t so much faster. The blue-haired trainer smirked. “With a reflect up, your Lurantis is pretty much useless.”_

_”Not yet she isn’t! Use Energy Ball!”_ Suki commanded from her end of the arena.

_The leaf-mantis-thing’s eyes began to glow as a green orb of nature energy formed above its head._

_”What?!” Nikki demanded. “How is it faster than Greylien?!”_

_With a very anime-like gesture, Lurantis fired the ball at the Espeon. As the Reflect only blocked physical attacks, it knocked out Espeon before it could even get a Light Screen up in time._

******

“Why?!” Nikki demanded. “I’m not even mad about the lucky crit, but why does your Lurantis know Energy Ball?! It’s a _physical_ attacker!”

“Yeah, but its special attack is good too.” Sarah argued.

“And how did it move first?!”

“Violet’s holding a Quick Claw!”

“Are you kidding me?! That thing only procs like, half the time! It’s useless in competitive play!”

“Not today it isn’t!”

Sarah flashed Nikki a big grin along with two fingers held up in a V. The blunette ground her teeth. She was NOT about to let this complete and utter noob make a mankey out of her. No more messing around - she is going full-on try hard.

******

_On and on the battle went. Both trainers desperate to gain the advantage. One moment Nikki was ahead of Suki, then Suki was ahead of Nikki, and back again. Until finally…_

_The half-unconscious Raichu landed at Suki’s feet, its fur blue and tipped with frost as it shivered. “Sparky!” Sarah cried out as she rushed over to cradle her beloved rodent. She looked up at Nikki’s last pokemon, a hulking monstrosity with a maw full of teeth and a powerful tail that slammed agains the ground, wordlessly demanding another victim. Its scales the same shade of blue as a cold, unforgiving ocean and a head crest as red as the fires of hell. Its right fist still glowed with an unnatural, icy energy - which it used to power the blow that knocked out Sparky so effortlessly. It hissed a crocodillian hiss at Sarah, as if daring her to send out her final pokemon._

_And there, standing on the podium behind the unholy abomination was Nikki. Arms crossed in a haughty pose, wearing an evil smirk._

******

“Meet my pride and joy.” Nikki boasted. “Descended from the Totodile I picked as my starter in my Soulsilver Nuzlocke, EV trained in Attack and Speed, and bred to have perfect IVs in HP, Attack, Defense, Special Defense, and Speed. I call her Audrey.”

“Why?” Sarah asked.

“Because she’s an unforgiving bitch who’s always hungry for blood.” Nikki elaborated. “Basically, you’re screwed.”

“Not yet - I have one pokemon left!” Sarah said.

“By which you mean one last snack for Audrey?” Nikki asked before snickering.

******

_“Go! Galko!” Sarah cried as she threw out her poke ball. Out of it came a beautiful sight - long, elegant flippers attached to a strong, blue tail. Long green hair tied with pears. Sparkling, rainbow-colored eyes._

_Nikki huffed. “You picked Popplio? Really?”_

_“Popplio is pure and full of love!” Sarah defended her starter. Galko, meanwhile, took a dramatic bow before the adoring crowd who cheered at the sight of her. Audrey, as much a diva as her name sake, growled and hissed at the mermaid-seal-thing for hogging the spotlight._

_“Okay, Audrey! Dragon Dance!”_

_The Feraligatr grunted as it stomped its feet and beat its chest in some kind of demented war dance._

******

Nikki nibbled on the end of her stylist pen in thought. She didn’t have a chance to properly set up against Raichu, deciding it was better to just take out the electric type before it could do serious damage. Normally a Feraligatr couldn’t outspeed a Raichu, but clearly Sarah didn’t understand how EV training works.

But she was in a slightly difficult position. With a Dragon Dance, Waterfall, Crunch and Ice Punch set, all of her offensive moves were only half-effective against Sarah’s Primarina. Type advantage won’t serve her here, so she’ll have to rely on Audrey’s superior genetics and training to brute-force her way to victory.

******

_“Galko! Use Moonblast!”_

_Harnessing the power of the moon, the Primarina fired an orb of pure fairy energy that engulfed the gator before exploding. When the smoke cleared though, Audrey just stood there, giving her opponent the stinkeye._

_“It’ll take more than that to bring down Audrey. Crunch!”_

_Audrey charged forward, teeth gnashing as her jaws clamped on on the seal’s tail, ripping a pained cry from the soloist pokemon’s throat. Nikki cackled evilly. “You know what they say - Crit happens!”_

_“It’s not over yet! I believe in Galko!” Sarah cried out. The seal finally, through some kind of miracle, pulled its bitten and bloody tail from the crocodilian’s mouth. “Now! Ice Beam!”_

_Galko fired a beam of sub-zero power right in Audrey’s face. The beam enveloped her whole body, creating a mist. When the mist cleared…_

*******

“…What.” Nikki flatly stated more than asked.

*******

_The Feraligatr was frozen solid in a hunk of ice._

_“Now’s our chance!” Sarah cried. “Finish it off with Hydro Pump!”_

_The Primarina fired more water than a creature that size could possibly have in its body, with the pressure of a fire hose, right at the reptile. It knocked the monster out of its icy tomb and sent it tumbling across the arena until its unconscious body skidded to a halt at Nikki’s feet._

_“And there goes the battle!” the announcer declared as the crowd suddenly went wild!_

*******

“We did it!” Sarah cheered as she pulled her Primarina plushie out of her backpack and snuggled it. “We did it we did it we did it we did it we did it!”

“You got lucky.” Nikki huffed as she turned off her 2DS. “If you hadn’t frozen my Feraligatr when you did, I would’ve had you dead to rights.”

“That’s what happens when you have faith in your pokemon.” Sarah said as she cuddled her plushie some more.

“No, that’s what happens you roll a nat-1 on a D10.” Nikki grumbled in response.

“You’re really good though!” Sarah said. “That battle was fun and intense!”

“Yeah well…you’re not too bad either.” Nikki said, swallowing her pride. “For a noob.” she added.

Seriously, who runs a quick claw in competitive?

“Maybe you could teach me sometime.” Sarah said. “I’d love to get better at it.”

“Er, maybe.” Nikki replied. “How long have you been playing pokemon, anyway?”

“Since I was ten!” Sarah said. “I got really into it after I started watching the anime.”

“I haven’t watched the anime in years. Has Ash turned eleven yet?”

“Nope!”

“Figures.”

Nikki shifted as uncomfortable silence fell over the lounge for a moment. She eyed the weaboo’s 3DS. “…So, what other games you got?”

*******

_Nikki’s axehead collided with the Rathian’s skull. The wyvern roared in fury at the arrogant little human. Meanwhile, with the mother dragon distracted, Suki sprinted for as long as her dash juice allowed her, carrying the egg back towards the camp._

_”Go go go!” Nikki shouted as she switched her switch-axe into sword-mode and thrusts it into the Rathian’s skull. Once the sword exploded, the spines on the wyvern’s head shattered, earning a shriek from the monster. Nikki barked out a laugh. Bonus carves! She needed more carapaces anyway. Maybe she could hack off the tail while -_

_QUEST FAILED_

********

Nikki glared at Sarah from where she sat on the other end of the couch. She squirmed in her seat. “A genprey jumped on top of me and I dropped the egg.”

Nikki pinched the bridge of her nose. “Alright, egg missions are no-go. Let’s just go on a regular hunt.”

*******

_The Zinogre snarled as it fired another electrical ball at the young monster hunter. She leapt out of the way just in time. As the blue-haired hunter got up, she could hear her compatriot blowing into her hunter’s horn vigorously, her song upping her attack stats. Nikki grinned as she charged forward, un-sheathing her switch axe in a charge attack, landing a powerful blow on the wyvern’s head._

_As Nikki continued her onslaught, getting in good slashes wherever she could and nimbly rolling out of the way of the monster’s attacks, Suki’s songs got more and more intense. “Sarah! Why are you playing that?!”_

********

“What?” Sarah asked as she looked up from her 3DS.

“Why are you playing J-pop?” Nikki said, pointing to the Beats Pill speaker that the weaboo had plugged her iPod into.

“I always play it whenever I play Monster Hunter. Helps get me in the horn-playing mood!” Sarah replied.

“A DJ both in-game and out-game.” Nikki observed. “Points for really playing your role, I guess.” After successfully mounting the zinogre and knocking it down, giving Nikki a chance to go to town on its belly, Nikki glanced at the radio device one more time.

“You know, between that and the 3DS, you sure do have a lot of tech on you, Sarah.” Nikki observed. “Where do you get the money for it all.”

“That’s a cam girl’s salary for you.” Sarah replied, more focused on the game than Nikki for a change.

“Ah.” Nikki replied as she returned her attention to the game. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but envy Sarah a little. A 3DS XL, a Beats Pill speaker, there was no way the blunette could afford so much high-end tech like that on her salary. Kyanna’s words popped up in her mind again - _You film, you edit, you maintain the site - you’re the backbone of this operation and Kyu barely pays you more than Tiff. You deserve more and you know it._

Too bad asking for a raise involved courage. And effort. And a general absence of social anxiety. There’s a reason most people seemed to prefer misery and loneliness - it’s easy. Going out and seeking happiness? That takes work - a thing that Nikki was quite averse to.

She pushed the thought out of her mind and tried to focus on the hunt. Part of the reason she played games at all was so she wouldn’t have to think about that kind of crap.

******

_An elemental blast from Nikki’s sword sent the Zinogre toppling onto its back. As it struggled to right itself, Nikki switched back to axe mode and started hacking into its exposed belly. Meanwhile, as Nikki was working on the creature’s belly, Suki was more interested in its spine, and instead of a weapon, she was using a bug net._

_“Alright! Thunderbugs!” Suki cheered._

_“Really?!” Nikki demanded. “Shouldn’t you be clobbering this thing over the head?”_

_“Aiya, I was running low on Thunderbugs! Get off my back!” Suki replied._

_It was then that they heard a thundering sound. A boom, like a great footstep. Followed by another. Then another. Both hunters and even the Zinogre seemed to stop what they were doing as they listened. The Zinogre righted itself and took off into the woods like all hell was chasing it. The two girls looked up at the new monster that just entered the arena._

_A giant, drooling deviljho. It stomped its foot and roared at them, stunning them both with the sheer volume of its roar. The two girls shrieked and started running as soon as their hearing came back._

*******

“Okay, this mission got a little more complicated…” Nikki said once she and Sarah were out of the zone. “Wait…you DID throw a paintball at him before we left the zone, right?”

“…Whoopsie.” Sarah replied. She knew she forgot something.

“Damn it.” Nikki cursed before heading back into the zone where the Jho was, only to discover the monster was gone. “He’s gone. Great. Bad enough we have to finish off that Zinogre while steering clear of Jason Voorhees in kaiju form, but now we don’t even know where the Jho is - he could be anywhere.”

“So what do we do?” Sarah asked.

“We head back to camp and craft some traps.” Nikki said. “We don’t have time to finish it off so we’ll try to bring it in alive.”

*******

_”Okay, you got the pitfall trap, right?” Nikki asked._

_“Right here!” Sarah said as she held up the contraption._

_“Awesome. I’ve got the tranq balls. Zinogre probably isn’t weak enough to capture just yet, so we’ll have to beat on it some more…”_

_The two huntresses arrived at a scenic lake. Nikki knew from experience that Zinogres liked to drink from this lake whenever they needed rest. Sure enough, there was the Zinogre, taking a much needed drink. “Do it, Sarah.”_

_”Suki.”_

*******

“What?”

“My character’s name in Suki. Just like in Ultra Moon.”

“Yeah, I see what you’re trying to do, and I’m not calling you Suki.”

“Well then, shall I call you Nicole?”

Nikki was taken aback for a moment, surprised that the weaboo was capable of sass.

“…Alright, you win. Suki it is - just throw the flash bomb.”

*******

_After the Zinogre was blinded, Sarah played an attack buff song on Nikki who charged and lunged for the Zinogre’s tail. Surprisingly, it was cut clean off. The Zinogre whined and started limping away - it apparently must’ve been weaker than Nikki surmised. She cursed and threw another flash bomb at the Zinogre, stunning it again. “It’s getting away! Set the trap now, Suki!”_

_”Suki on the job!” Sarah replied as she ran ahead of the fanged wyvern and planted the pitfall trap, which the Zinogre immediately stumbled into once its vision returned._

_”Alright, now just huck the tranq balls at him and-“_

_It was then that Suki knocked aside as the Deviljho re-entered the area. It turned and saw the helpless Zinogre, who immediately struggled harder to escape. The brute wyvern would’ve gladly helped himself to the free meal, had it not been for the chopping at its ankle. “Suki! Tranq the Zinogre now, while I’ve got Jo distracted!”_

_Suki got up and gripped two tranq balls in hand and threw them at the Zinogre, just as the Jo’s maw was about to envelop Nikki…_

_QUEST COMPLETE!_

*******

The two young girls breathed a sigh of relief in unison as the quest ended and they collected their loot. “Good hunt, Sook.” Nikki said. Sarah giggled at that. “What?”

“I thought we agreed my name is Suki.” Sarah said.

“Changed my mind. Sook is good enough for you.” Nikki sternly said, albeit somewhat playfully. Sarah…blushed?

As Nikki deposited her various Zinogre parts and armor spheres into her chest, she looked up at the clock and nearly jumped. It was nearly a quarter to ten. “Holy shit, we’ve been gaming for like an hour.”

“Really?” Sarah asked. “Wow. Time flies.”

“I really gotta get back to work.” Nikki asked.

“Do you need any help?” Sarah asked. “I should help, because I distracted you so long.”

“What? Oh no, it’s cool! Really!” Nikki said. “I only have a couple more videos to finish anyway. Should only take me, like, twenty minutes grand total. Besides, unless you’ve got editing experience, I don’t know how much help you’d really be.”

“I can edit!” Sarah enthusiastically said as she stood up triumphantly.

“Really?” Nikki asked.

“Yup! I taught myself how to do it when I started making AMV’s in High School.” Sarah explained.

“Why am I not surprised.” Nikki said. “Alright, Sook. Let’s see what you can do.”

*********

“Oh Ehm Gee! Is that Ninja Sex Party’s newest album?” Sarah excitedly asked as soon as Nikki put on the music.

“Er, yeah.” Nikki replied.

“Well, crank it up!” Sarah cheered. Nikki allowed herself a small smile as she did so. At least Sarah had good taste in music outside of J-pop.

_It’s more than a feeling_  
_When I hear that old song they used to play_  
_And I begin dreaming_  
_’Til I see Mary-Ann walk away_

_I see my Mary-Ann walking away…_

“Hehe. I just noticed something.” Sarah giggled. “The singer is pining for someone named Mary-Ann…..and your last name is Ann-Marie! Weird, right?”

“…Huh. That IS weird.” Nikki said. She never really noticed that before. Wonder if that meant anything, that she kinda sorta shared a name with a woman who Danny Sexbang pines for while he listens to old songs and generally longs for the days of his youth as he laments the passage of time. _Shit that’s deep._ She was suddenly looking forward to track 4, where Danny sings about being one sexy piece of candy. That one wouldn’t make her suddenly think about her life.

Sarah proved to be an excellent assistant editor, having an eye for when to make transition cuts. It was her idea to include the mid-position fade-ins - fading in from one scene to the same scene but a few minutes later. Even though Lola never changed positions, it created the illusion that Tommy had been making love to her for hours. Neat effect, but Nikki couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the fact that, of course, it was Tommy and Lola’s scene that got that treatment.

“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked.

“Nothing.” Nikki replied. “It’s just that I’m really getting sick and tired of Tommy and Lola shoving their romance in everyone’s faces, yanno?”

“I think it’s kawaii!” Sarah said. “They’re so chibi together!”

“If I wanted to see that lovey-dovey crap every day, I’d play dating sims.” Nikki deadpanned. _More often._ she silently added in her mind.

“You’re too cynical, Nikki. Haven’t you ever been in love?” Sarah asked.

“Not really.” Nikki answered. “I’ve never been what you’d call the romantic type.”

“That’s a shame. You’re really cute.”

“…I beg your pardon?”

“You’re cute.” Sarah repeated. “Your blue hair is really pretty, you’ve got nice taste in clothes, and you’re so chibit that sometimes I just wanna give you a big hug!”

Nikki was shocked. She looked down at her clothes - a blue hoodie sweater with striped sleeves and a large pink heart on the chest. Her pants, plain old blue jeans. The hoodie was cute, but nothing really to write home about. “Well, my hoodie is kinda cute I guess.” she said. “But I mostly just wear plain clothes, yanno? Tank tops, beige sweaters, that kinda stuff.”

“I like it! It’s casual.” Sarah gushed.

Well, that covered clothes. As for hair… “I um…..I started dying my hair blue in High School. I thought it’d make me look cool.”

“It does!” Sarah gushed.

“…And I’m just….cute? In general?” Nikki asked. Like, okay, maybe she wasn’t terribly ugly, but compared to all the other girls who worked here? She might as well be a goblin. Lord knows she was short enough.

“You’re way cute! I’d totally date you!” Sarah gushed.

Nikki jumped so high she almost fell out of her seat. Sarah? Date her? “I mean, if you were cool with it!” Sarah hastily added. If this were an anime, Nikki could easily imagine the cliche’d sweat drop appearing on her forehead, just above her eyebrow. “I mean, I’d never date someone who wasn’t cool with it!” She giggled nervously as she scratched the back of her head, as if TRYING to become an anime character.

“…Moving on.” Nikki said as she returned to her work, trying to suppress the blush she could feel on her cheeks. “Just gotta put this one in the queue and…..” A few more keystrokes and she leaned back in her chair. “Done. That’s all the videos queue’d up and ready to be posted this week. Thanks for the help, Sook.”

“No problem!” Sarah said as she held up two fingers. “…So, guess you’re goin’ home now, huh?”

“…Guess so.” Nikki replied. The two girls sat in silence for a pregnant moment.

“…Wanna watch anime?”

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

******

Nikki settled on the lounge couch with a bag of Lays as Sarah set up the lounge TV’s DVD player. The weaboo smiled as she reached into her backpack and pulled out a disc case and started flipping through them. “Let’s see, we’ve got KonoSuba, Sakamoto desu ga, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei…”

“Yeah, all I’m really hearing right now is gibberish.” Nikki said.

“Right. Guess you ARE kind of a noob.”

“…I beg your pardon.”

“Noob. Yanno, anime noob.” Sarah said.

Nikki’s eye twitched. Was _she_ calling _her_ a _noob?_ “…I suppose I am.” Nikki replied after taking a moment to suppress the indignant rage. “What do you recommend?”

“Hmmmm…I got it! Overlord!” Sarah said as she triumphantly held up the DVD. “It’s an anime about a gamer who gets sucked into his favorite MMORPG. I think you’d like it!”

“I think I’ve heard of some other anime like that…” Nikki asked. “Sword Art Online, right?”

“Yeah. The difference is that Overlord is good!” Sarah said.

*************************************  
Two Overlord Episodes Later…  
*************************************

“So, what do you think?” Sarah asked as the third episode would begin starting up.

“I’m liking it so far.” Nikki asked. “I mean, once the Lich grabbed the succubus’s boob, I was sure it was gonna be another lame harem anime, but I like that moments like that are few and far between.”

“Not a fan of fan service?” Sarah asked.

“Not really.” Nikki replied. “Like, the only animes out there WITHOUT stuff like jiggling boobs and panty shot is stuff meant for children, and even then only barely. What’s up with that, anyway?”

“It’s mostly a consequence of a sexually repressive lifestyle.” Sarah replied.

“…Huh?”

“Well I mean, most Japanese men work like, twelve hours a day. That doesn’t leave much room for a personal life, especially dating. As a consequence, a lot of men feel lonely and even sexually frustrated, which becomes reflected in all the fan service in Japanese entertainment. It’s also the same reason why dating sims are so popular over there - they fulfill the basic need for human affection without a ton of commitment that comes attached to a real relationship.”

“…Huh.” Nikki replied. “You been hangin’ around Zoey lately?”

“Aiko-sama, actually. She’s been teaching me a lot about Japanese culture.” Sarah replied.

“Oh yeah - ever since that whole ‘School Days’ thing where Zoey almost murdered you.” Nikki remembered.

“Twice.” Sarah added.

“Right.” Nikki replied. “That must be pretty cool, having Aiko as a tutor.”

“Yeah, she’s even been teaching me Japanese.” Sarah added. “It’s a tough language to learn, but I think I’m starting to get good at it.”

Another episode began and ended. Nikki took another look at the clock. Eleven-forty-five. “Huh, it’s almost midnight.” she observed. “You getting tired, Sook?”

“Not really.” Sarah answered. “I’m kind of a night owl.”

“Yeah, same here.” Nikki agreed. “I’d stay up till like, two or three in the morning every night during summer vacation when I was a little kid.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. See, all the bedrooms were on one side of the house and the living room and kitchen were on the other side, so as long as I kept the TV volume down, I could just play video games all night and no one would care.”

“Oh em gee, same here!” Sarah gushed. “Well, not so much video games, but more anime. I loved Toonami when I was little.”

“Is that how you got into anime?”

“Oh gosh - I’ve been an otaku pretty much all my life. Ever since I first watched a Gamera movie on MST3K.”

Nikki leapt out of her seat. “…You like MST3K?”

******

And now it was Nikki’s turn to thumb through her own DVD collection as she started rifling through the various seasons to decide on an episode. “Okay so……Joel or Mike?”

“Mike!” Sarah excitedly replied.

Nikki rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you WOULD be a Mike girl.”

“What’s THAT supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, I prefer the Mike era mostly for Pearl Forrester. The latter seasons kinda had more of a story behind them, yanno? The mads would visit alien worlds and get into all kinds of misadventures, it was cool!”

“Eh. Okay, that I can get.” Nikki shrugged. “But you know it was during the Joel era that those Gamera movies were riffed, right?”

“True.” Sarah conceded. “You got Gamera vs. Guiron?”

“Right here!” Nikki said as she held up the relevant disc.

*******

_”You know guys…” Tom Servo observed as Gamera started spinning around the horizontal pole like a gymnast. “It just dawned on me how weird this film is, you know? It’s kinda goofy.”_

“Oh em gee - I’m having childhood flashbacks. All I need now is my Pikachu plushie and it’s like I’m seven again.” Sarah said.

“Yeah…” Nikki said as she shifted in her seat, readjusting her head as she laid it on Sarah’s shoulder.

Twenty minutes later, the episode ended, and it was then that Nikki suddenly realized she’d been snuggled up to Sarah’s side for the last hour. Or maybe just the last ten minutes? She didn’t really know. She didn’t even remember doing it - it just sort of happened somewhere along the way. She hastily broke away, briefly lamenting the sudden lack of warmth but glad that any potential awkwardness ended. She glanced at the clock. “One thirty in the morning.” Nikki said. “Tired yet?”

Sarah shrugged. “Meh. I could do other things besides sleep.”

“But what though?” Nikki asked. “I mean, we’ve played Pokemon, Monster Hunter, and vegged on this couch for like, three hours.”

“…Follow me, I wanna show you something.” Sarah said as she got up from the couch.

******

Nikki followed Sarah upstairs up to the upper level of the studio and even up into the attic. The bat farm was empty - the bats were let out before closing time each night to go foraging for food. The only bats present were mothers nursing their young. The mothers squeaked at the girls like they squeaked at anyone who wasn’t Beli or Lilian.

The ascent didn’t stop there. There was one last ladder going up inside the attic - Sarah pulled it down and climbed up, Nikki following. The blunette’s face was blasted by cool, crisp night air and she was in momentary awe as she saw the full moon and stars above. “Is it safe up here?” she asked, not 100% certain about sitting on the dirty roof of a warehouse.

“Sure. I do this all the time after hours.” Sarah replied as she sat down. Nikki cautiously took a seat next to her. “Look.” she said as she pointed in the distance. Before them was Glenberry, from downtown all the way up to the business district where the high-rise buildings were. The lights seemed to go on for miles, almost looking like a reflection of the night sky. It was beautiful in a way.

“I love the view from up here. At this hour. When you get to see the city light up the darkness.” Sarah wistfully said. “That’s one thing I always loved in anime - how most of them portray Tokyo at night - as this beautiful collage of lights in all colors, like a giant Christmas tree. Each light could be a restaurant, or a night club, a party, or maybe even just someone playing video games alone. It’s like each light has its own little story and sometimes I just want to go and see them all.”

She turned to Nikki and smiled. “Maybe even find a story to call my own.”

“…What kind of story?” Nikki asked. She could feel her blush returning and even her heart race a little as Sarah looked at her like that.

“I dunno. Maybe something romantic? Or maybe just hanging out with friends.” Sarah said.

“You have any friends?” Nikki asked.

Sarah’s face became a little more downcast, stinging Nikki with guilt for even asking. “Not really. I mean, I have online friends, but locally?”

Nikki nodded. “Same here. In real life, I really only have Nikki and Tiffany. I’ve got friends in my World of Warcraft guild, but…”

“They’re just text on a screen. And sometimes you want more than that.” Sarah finished Nikki’s thought for her. “That’s why I love working here so much. Aiko-sama, Tiffany-san, even Zoey in a weird way - this is the first time in my life I’ve made friends that I can see and touch. That counts for a lot, you know?”

Nikki glanced down and noticed that her hand was just inches away from Sarah’s. She glanced back up to Sarah’s face. She never noticed before, but she had really pretty purple eyes - almost like amethysts. “What about me?” the blunette asked.

“Well, we can be friends if you want.” Sarah asked. “Do you still nothing me?”

“No.” Nikki said. “We’re definitely friends now. Once you watch MST3K with someone, you’ve forged a bond no earthly force can break.”

Sarah giggled at that, then looked away, blushing. Her hand inched closer to Nikki’s. As soon as the blunette felt the briefest tough, she all but instinctually grabbed the weaboo’s hand and grabbed it.

“…I had a really nice time tonight, Nikki.”

“…You can call me Nikki-chan.” Nikki replied. Sarah looked up at her and stared into her eyes.

******

The editing room had a bed in it, though it wasn’t much to write home about. It wasn’t even a proper bed, just a mattress on the floor behind one of the shelves of servers. Sometimes Nikki would end up pulling an all-nighter and, too tired to make the trip back to her apartment, would just sleep right there in the studio instead.

She never thought she’d end up throwing an all-too eager Sarah onto it with the purpose of ravishing her like an animal in heat. Nikki then leapt on Sarah and kissed her hungrily, Sarah return the kiss enthusiastically. Nikki broke off to lick and kiss the weaboo’s neckline. “Oooh, Nikki-chan.” she cooed.

Nikki tugged at Sarah’s overalls, trying to rip them off. Grunting in frustration, she conceded undoing the overalls the “proper” way and undoing the buttons as she straddled the blonde. As she pulled down the overalls and revealed her panties, Nikki couldn’t stop thinking about how this was actually happening. She was about to have sex, for the first time, and with one of the very girls she regularly films, edits, and occasionally masturbates to while she edits. Sarah pulled her t-shirt over her head and revealed her bra.

In only her undergarments, Nikki paused as she took it all in. Sarah was definitely one of the curvier Hunies in Kyu’s employ. Delicious D-cups, wide hips, and an ass that easily tied Renee’s for best booty. Some would call her chubby, but those guys were assholes. Nikki had admired this figure many times in the course of this job, but never so intimately. She gulped in a dry throat as she felt an urge to come clean. “I’m a virgin.” she blurted out. “This is my first time with, like, anyone.”

“R-really?” Sarah asked. Oh shit, she was blushing again. _How. How did you go from annoying to adorable so fast?_ “I…I’ll try to make this special for you.”

“It already is.” Nikki assured. She reached down and removed her bra, revealing her bare breasts. The tan lines made clear that Sarah didn’t apply the spray tan all over her body, but Nikki didn’t particularly care as she started suckling on a nipple, earning a pleasant gasp from Sarah. The blunette reached down to her panties and felt a wet spot. Sarah was getting as excited as her, it seemed.

“Take off your clothes.” Sarah said. “I wanna see you too.”

Nikki froze mid-suckle. Oh crap. That’s right. You BOTH had to be naked for sex, didn’t you? She sat up. “You want to see me…naked?” Sarah smiled and nodded. Nikki gulped. “Okay…”

Nikki started with her top. First her hoodie, then the t-shirt underneath. In sharp contrast to Sarah’s curves, Nikki was as skinny as a rail and almost flat - not to mention paler. Despite that however, Sarah reached up and gripped Nikki’s breasts, groping and kneading them. Nikki sighed as Sarah groped them, surprised by how much she was enjoying them. Maybe c-cups aren’t that small after all. 

Nikki would stand up, Sarah whining at having Nikki’s flesh torn away from her. Sarah’s whining stopped as the blunette removed her jeans and panties. The weaboo smiled before removing her own panties. The both of them now completely naked, Nikki crawled back down onto the mattress and crawled on top of Sarah, embracing her as she settled on top of her and began making out with her.

As their tongues wrestled and danced, Nikki quickly found herself intoxicated by the feeling of Sarah’s hot naked flesh rubbing against her own. Her leg would find itself between Sarah’s and rubbing against her slit, prompting Sarah to moan into the kiss. Sarah seemed to want to return the favor when she lifted up her own leg to rub at Nikki’s own wet treasure between her legs.

“Hold on.” Nikki gasped as she broke the kiss, getting an idea from one of the videos she edited earlier that very night. “Let me just…” She dismounted Sarah’s leg and lifted it up, positioning it on her shoulder, kissing the leg as she did so. With Sarah’s leg lifted up, her legs were spread enough for Nikki to scooch in until her own heat was pressed against her lover’s. Tribadism with Nikki on top, Sarah’s leg on her shoulder - just like Marlena did to Candace in their scene. With that, she started to hump.

Despite it being winter and the studio not exactly being the warmest of buildings to begin with, especially after hours, Nikki never felt so hot. Red in the face, body covered in sweat, and panting like she’s running a marathon. She stared at Sarah’s jiggling breasts as she fucked, their slits mashing together and getting wetter and hotter. “Nikki-chaaaaannnn…” Sarah whined, sounding for all the world like a hentai girl, something Nikki found way hotter than it had any right to be. “Do I feel good?”

“You feel great.” Nikki panted. This was so much more awesome than masturbating. Her thrusts became faster and more desperate as she felt herself get closer to the climax. “Am I doing okay?”

“Yes, I love it.” Sarah whimpered as she gripped the shits, staring down at Nikki’s crotch as it smashed and rubbed into hers over and over. “I….Iku! Iku!”

“Iku?” Nikki asked.

“Cumming!” Sarah translated.

Nikki nodded and kept up her pace until she felt it - her own pussy soaked with Sarah’s love juice as she came, the larger girl moaning at a high pitch and arching her back as she came. Nikki smiled, feeling no small amount of pride in making her cum so quick. After a few seconds of afterglow, Sarah’s hand reached down and gripped Nikki’s core, eliciting a gasp from the gamer girl. She took hold of Nikki’s hand in her other hand and pulled her down to lie on top of her before she started to finger her blue-haired lover.

“Fuck…” Nikki breathed as she felt Sarah’s fingers inside her, bringing her even closer to the edge. Her hips moved against her hand, trying to get the fingers deeper inside. Sarah pet her hair and kissed her head as she fingered the smaller girl. “Fuck!” she gasped as she suddenly came, drenching Sarah’s fingers. As Sarah brought her hand back up, Nikki took it and sucked her own cum off the blonde’s fingers, making the larger girl blush heavily.

“…Did I do good?” she asked.

“Yes. You did.” Nikki said before kissing her again.

********

Nikki was awakened by the sound of her cell phone alarm going off. She groaned as she reached out for it and shut it off, confused for a second before realizing she had spent the night in the editing room.

As she felt Sarah embrace her from behind and press her breasts against her back, she also realized that she didn’t spend the night alone. “Morning, Sook.” she greeted.

“Do we have to wake up?” Sarah cooed. “I want to cuddle more.”

“So do I.” Nikki replied. “Kyu’s such a bitch, making us wake up so damn early every morning.”

“Oh admit it, you love me.”

Nikki and Sarah both snapped their heads upwards to find Kyu, standing above them and looking down on the two lovers. “Had fun last night, did we?” the CEO asked.

“Kyu! Uh, I can explain!” Nikki said in a clear panic. She looked down and jumped, grabbing the blanket to cover her naked breasts.

“Oh relax, Nik.” Kyu waved her off. “You’re a camera woman in a porn studio. It was only a matter of time until you got some action with one of my girls.”

“So…I’m not in trouble?” Nikki asked.

“Well, today’s videos were posted like they were supposed to, which tells me you were able to fill out last night’s quota.” Kyu said. “So it’s okay if you want to fill other things - like Sarah’s pussy. With your fingers. Or maybe a toy. However you like to roll. Just be dressed and ready for work in time for your shift. That goes for you too, Sarah.”

“Suki on the job!” Sarah said as she held up two fingers, the blanket slipping and revealing her breasts.

“Awesome! I’ll be generous and give you guys thirty minutes to clock in - enough time to maybe squeeze in a quickie before getting dressed.” On that note, Kyu turned on her heel and started walking for the door. It was then that Nikki remembered something. Sarah looking out on the lights of the city at night, each light having its own story and making the blonde pine for a story of her own. Nikki realized she wanted a story too, and that she needed to start writing it.

“Kyu, wait!” The CEO turned around to look at Nikki with a raised eyebrow. The gamer girl took a deep breath, summoning every ounce of courage and effort she could muster, of which there was a surprisingly high amount. More than yesterday, certainly.

Kyanna was right. She needed to start thinking more about her future, mostly because it wasn’t just _her_ future anymore. She really liked Sarah, and knew that Sarah liked her back. She was probably jumping the gun, but she really wanted to see where that relationship could go. She wanted to see what kind of story it could be. She didn’t yet know what her future would look like exactly, what her goals were going to be. But she did know what her first goal was, and so she used every ounce of her will to steel her nerves to make it happen.

“Can I have a raise?” Nikki asked.

“No.” Kyu bluntly stated before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

…Well, she gathered the courage to ask. That was the important thing, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Kind of. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
> 
> One of the reasons Nikki is so popular is because so many of us can relate to her - not only is she a gamer and a general geek, but she doesn't really have her life figured out yet and seems more interested in escaping reality through video games. And who HASN'T felt that way at least once in their life?
> 
> I think her and Sarah are a good fit. Sarah's bubbly and outgoing personality complements Nikki's shyness and stoicism well, while also having enough common interests between them (there's a lot of overlap between gaming nerds and anime nerds) for ice-breaking opportunities to arise.
> 
> If I may talk artsy for a moment, one thing I wanted to do with this chapter was to try and communicate the serenity that comes with having a place to yourself all night long, followed by sharing that serenity with someone special. Cuddling with someone on the couch while watching old kaiju flicks late at night is one of my dream dates.
> 
> Finally, I have an announcement to make! I started up an Incorrect Hunie Quotes blog, because I was getting tired of waiting for someone else to do it, so I figured I'd do it myself. I've filled up the queue with enough posts to last the rest of the week, but I'm always open to submissions.
> 
> incorrecthuniequotes.tumblr.com
> 
> Go submit something!


	10. The Twenty-One-Year-Old Virgin

_”Fucking perverts. Every. Last. One of you.”_

_Mary Megabitch, one of Huniepop’s more popular stars, shimmied her hips as she dragged her panties down her legs, showing her bare ass. “Demanding assholes, too.” she went on. “I was just about clock out, but no. You perverts just HAD to see my pussy one last time. Well, here it is.”_

_She took a seat on a fold up chair and spread her legs, the camera zooming in on her core. She spread her to show the camera more of it, her finger lightly stroking her clit. “You all like this, don’t you?” She whispered. “You all want this so fucking bad…” she bitterly chuckled. “But you’re never gonna get it.”_

_She took a dildo from off-camera and slowly slid it inside. “Let’s make this quick.” she gasped. “I’ve got better things to do tonight than perform for you scum.” As she pumped the toy in and out of her, she took a glance at the stream. “Oh, you wanna know why girls always seem to cum faster from toys than from you?” she asked. “It’s because unlike you, the toy actually knows how to please a woman.” She barked out a harsh, sadistic laugh as she pumped the toy faster._

_The laughter than turned into a gasp and a shudder as she came all over the plastic. She slid the toy out and sucked on it, able to take in a surprising amount of its volume. She moaned, apparently enjoying the taste of her own juices. She popped it out of her mouth and grinned at the camera. “That good enough for you, assholes? Either way, I don’t give a shit. I’ve got things to do." She glanced off camera and made a slashing motion across her neck._

_Cut to black._

*******

“Aaaaand, we’re out.” Nikki said as she shut down the stream from her laptop. Audrey huffed and started putting her clothes back on. “That stream raked in about 200 viewers and a grand total of 1400 bucks.”

“Knocked it out the park, as usual.” Audrey boasted as she removed her blonde wig. “So, that’s your final thing today?”

“Yup.” Nikki said as she turned off the laptop and disconnected the digital camera. In addition to filming and editing, Nikki was also the lead stream admin, making sure that all the little Hunie Suckles in the chat behaved themselves during HunieStreams (trademarked).

“Good. Because we are going out to Lusties tonight.” Audrey stated.

Nikki paused. “…That was tonight?”

Audrey snorted. “What? You had _plans_ tonight?”

Nikki opened her mouth.

“Playing video games and reading shitty fan fiction don’t count.”

Nikki closed her mouth.

“That’s what I thought.” Audrey said. “Meet me and Tiff in the parking lot in fifteen minutes.” And on that note, she turned on her heels and headed out the door. She was dressed in her favorite red dress and was ready to go out clubbing with Tiffany and Nikki, even if she had to drag the latter kicking and screaming out of her apartment to do it.

On her way out the studio, she passed Tommy in the hall. “Hey Audrey.” he cheerfully greeted as she passed. “Have a good night. See you tomorrow.”

“Go fuck yourself.” Audrey deadpanned as she passed and finally left the building.

She saw Tiffany standing out in the parking lot by Audrey’s car, her pride and joy, a velvet red volkswagen beetle convertible - a little gift from Daddy for her sweet sixteenth back in high school. Tiffany was wearring a white shirt with a pink skirt and matching……suspenders? She looked like a fucking farm girl. “Really, Tiff? You’re wearing THAT?”

“What? I like this outfit.” Tiffany said. Audrey rolled her eyes. Could she _be_ any more wound up? She really needed to get laid.

It wasn’t too long before Nikki came out to join them. Nikki’s outfit almost made Audrey vomit - a sweater vest. Nikki was wearing a brown sweater vest over her white shirt. “A fucking sweater vest?!” Audrey demanded. “Um, you two DO realize we’re going to Lusties, right? As in, NOT a farm or library or some shit?”

Nikki scowled at Audrey. “You want me to go with you guys or not?”

Audrey scoffed. “Fine. Hop in. I’m just saying, don’t expect to be getting any action in that thing.” Nikki rolled her eyes as she followed Audrey and Tiffany into the convertible.

*****

All in all, it was another average night at Lustie’s for the trio. Nikki, as per usual, found the quietest corner she could find in the bar and stayed there most of the night. Tiffany was dancing without a care in the world, unintentionally drawing attention from potential suitors. Audrey was also dancing and _very intentionally_ drawing attention from potential suitors, readily accepting any and all drinks they bought for her.

Eventually, the two girls got tired of dancing and joined Nikki in her corner to catch their breathes. It was here that the girls started tossing back drinks. Lemon drops and daiquiris and beer, oh my! That was one thing Audrey always loved about Lusties - their total gullibility when it came to fake IDs. After her third daiquiri, that’s when Audrey decided to start up a conversation that was already had several times, but maybe this time her friend will actually listen.

“Nikki, we have GOT to get you fuckin’ laid!” Audrey said as she pointed a finger at her blue-haired friend.

“You always say that.” Nikki groaned.

“Um, because it’s _true?_ ” Audrey replied as though it were obvious. “If it weren’t for your job, you’d be stuck in your room all day, making yourself a prisoner. That shit isn’t healthy! You need a social life!”

“I have you two, don’t I?” Nikki asked. “And I’ve got other friends too.”

“World of Warcraft friends don’t fucking count!” Audrey snarled. “That’s your problem - you’re more interested in nerd shit than people!”

“Kinda like how you’re more interested in alcohol and sex than being a decent human being?” Nikki asked.

“Oh fuck you, I’m trying to HELP YOU, you dumb cunt!” Audrey argued.

“Okay, you know what?” Nikki said before chugging the last of her second pint of beer. “I have a girlfriend already! So there!” she said as she slammed down the glass.

“Pfft! As if!” Audrey scoffed. “You don’t even go out to bars unless I drag your sorry ass out! Who would you even meet, let alone fuck, while I wasn’t looking?”

“Sarah!” Nikki replied.

“What? THAT fucking weaboo?” Audrey asked. “Don’t get me wrong - she’s probably slutty enough to open her fucking legs for whoever, but I don’t think you’d -“

“Nikki-chan!”

It was then that Sarah bounded over to the table, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. “What are you doing here?” Her excitement melted into concern as she saw who she was sitting with. “Oh. Um. Not that……not that I’m happy to see you or anything.” she said as she thought that tsunning it up would help mask her excitement.

“Cut the tsundere act, Sarah. I told them already.” Nikki slurred as she stood up and wobbled over to her. She then grabbed her shoulders and, much to Tiffany and Audrey’s shock, planted a big, wet, slopping, drunken kiss right on Sarah’s mouth. Sarah was shocked also, but she didn’t seem to object to it. Nikki then broke the kiss and stood next to her girlfriend, wrapping an arm around the weaboo’s arm possessively.

“That’s right!” Nikki said as she pointed to Audrey. “I have a girlfriend now! And you wanna know what else? You can’t even call me a virgin anymore because WE. HAVE. SCISSORED. So _suck it_ , Belrose.” She then spanked Sarah’s ass hard, earning an eep from the weeb. “Now go get Senpai another beer, baby.” she handed Sarah her empty beer glass.

“Um…okay.” Sarah said, not used to Nikki being so forward, but the giggle betrayed that she kind of liked it. Nikki then took her seat, sitting up much straighter and with her head held higher - she even looked a little smug.

Audrey was at a loss for words for a good minute. “…Figures you’d end up with the fucking weaboo!” she said once she found her voice again. “What? Did you two bond over shitty old video games and anime and all that other geek shit one night?”

“As a matter of fact, we did!” Nikki shouted back, catching Audrey further off guard. “We bonded over Pokemon and Overlord and Mystery Science Theater 3000 and it was _fucking beautiful._ Most magical goddamn night of my life!”

“Okay!” Tiffany shouted, opting to end the awkward exchange. “I THINK you might’ve had enough to drink for one night, Nikk.”

“I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough.” Nikki said. On cue, Sarah arrived with two drinks in hand. She took a seat next to Nikki, giving the Bluenette a newly refilled pint of beer and a kiss on the cheek. Audrey groaned audibly.

“I’m seriously about to barf.” the redhead spat.

“Well, I’m glad you found someone, Nikki.” Tiffany said. “How come you didn’t tell us earlier?”

“I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.” Nikki explained. “But SOMEONE wouldn’t leave well enough alone!” she sneered at Audrey.

“Jesus, Nikk. Chill out. I was only yanking your chain.” Audrey said, trying to laugh off Nikki’s sudden anger. “Didn’t know you were such an angry drunk. Well, at least you handed in your V-card, fucking finally. More than I can say for Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes over here.”

“Me? I’m not a virgin.” Tiffany said, making Audrey almost choke on her drink.

“No fucking way! YOU’VE been laid?” the redhead demanded.

“Well, I never said anything to suggest that I haven’t.” Tiffany said. “It was back in High School, senior year. His name was Andrew. And don’t worry - I was on the pill, he was wearing a condom, I wasn’t ovulating, everything was on the up-and-up.”

Audrey groaned. “Fucking - only _you_ could make sex boring, Tiff.”

“You were on the pill?” Nikki asked.

Tiffany shrugged. “Jessie was never mother of the year, but credit where it’s due, she _did_ provide better sex education than Glenberry High ever did. Could’ve done without the banana though…” she muttered that last sentence.

“Well, shit.” Audrey said. “Gratz, bitches! You guys are finally on MY level!”

“Whoop-de-fucking-doo.” Nikki deadpanned.

“So, how did you lose your virginity, Audrey?” Tiffany asked.

“…What?” Audrey asked.

“Who was your first?” Tiffany repeated the question, significantly louder, assuming her friend couldn’t hear her over the dubstep the first time.

“…Right! My first!” Audrey paused. “I mean, I’ve fucked so many guys, it’s honestly hard to keep track of who came first, yanno?”

“Aw, come on! You never forget your first! So who was he?” Tiffany asked. “Or she? I promise I won’t judge if you’re bi or something!”

“His….name was…..” _Fuck! Think Audrey, think…_ “Pablo!”

“Pablo?” Tiffany asked.

“Yeah, Pablo Escobar! Senior year.” Audrey said, the lie flowing more freely now. “Took him by the dumpster on prom night and fucking rode him like a horse! I learned from watching my uncle’s tapes.”

“…So, you lost your virginity…….to a notorious colombian drug lord.” Nikki said.

 _Shit!_ “Uh….fuck yeah! Where do you think I get all my weed from?!”

“Escobar dealt cocaine.” Tiffany pointed out.

“He also died in 1993.” Nikki added.

“…..Well, _shit_ guys, it wasn’t _that_ Pablos Escobar, _obviously._ ” Audrey said.

Tiffany and Nikki were giving Audrey strange looks, but after moment seemed to decide to shrug it off. Audrey breathed a sigh of relief before taking another sip of her daiquiri. Thank fucking God - she’d probably die if they ever found out she was actually - 

“Audrey-san, are you a virgin?” Sarah asked.

Audrey spat out her drink in a spray reminiscent of a whale’s blowhole. “The fuck gave you THAT idea?!” she demanded.

“Well, it took you a while to answer Tiffany-sama’s original question.” Sarah pointed out. “Then, when you gave a name, you said it was the same Pablo Escobar who was a drug lord, but then you changed that to a no after Nikki-chan pointed out that Escobar is dead. So basically, you were lying a WHOLE LOT to cover up something. Virginity, if I had to guess, seeing as you were judging Tiffany-sama and Nikki-chan pretty harshly for being supposed virgins.”

Not only Audrey, but Nikki and Tiffany were also giving Sarah incredulous looks. “What? This is just like in _Bakemonogatari_ when Senjogahara accuses Koyomi of being a virgin. Turns out, he was a virgin too.”

Tiffany and Nikki looked back at Audrey, who by now looked for all the world like a deer caught in the headlights. Nikki’s was the first face to change as she observed the sweat on Audrey’s forehead. “Holy shit, you _are_ a virgin!”

“Shut up, Nikki!” Audrey demanded, but it was too late. Nikki was already laughing like a hyena, pounding a fist on the table like she’d just been told the world’s funniest joke. “I said shut the fuck up!”

“This _does_ explain quite a bit about you…” Tiffany said.

“What was that?!” Audrey demanded.

“I’m just saying!” Tiffany said as she put up her hands in surrender. “It always seemed like your attitude was meant to compensate for something.”

“I’M NOT COMPENSATING FOR SHIT!” Audrey shrieked.

“…I think you’re compensating a little bit, Audrey-san.” Sarah said.

“…None of you bitches breathe a WORD of this at work. Got it?” Audrey threatened.

*******

“You’re a vir-vir-AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! FUCKIN’ - MY SIDES!!!! MY FUCKIN’ SIDES, CALL A DOCTOR NORA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Audrey stood there fuming in the employee lounge as Kyanna was quite literally ROFLMAO - rolling on the floor, laughing her ass off. Nora was slightly more composed - she was still standing up as she was busting her gut and laughing out loud.

“Ah, don’t mind them kid.” Aiko said as she gave Audrey a slap on the back. “I’ll take you out to a bar tonight and find you some high-quality cock. Or pussy. Or both. Whatever your preference is.”

“Now now, everyone, we shouldn’t be virgin-shaming Audrey like this.” Zoey said as she walked up next to Audrey. “As a matter of fact, virginity, as we understand it, doesn’t actually exist. It’s yet another insidious mechanism conjured by the partriarchy as a way to control womens’ sexuality.” She turned to Audrey and put a loving hand on her shoulder. “Audrey, I just want you to know that I respect your choices regarding your body and you shouldn’t feel ashamed because of those choices.”

“Take your hand off my shoulder before I rip it off.” Audrey growled.

“I hear and respect your need for personal space.” Zoey replied as she wisely removed her hand and backed off.

“I’m actually kinda surprised that you’re a virgin, Audrey.” Tommy said.

“Oh, and why’s that? You think I’m some kind of whore who gives it away for free?” Audrey spat in his face.

“No.” he plainly replied. “It’s because you’re really pretty and it seems like a lot of guys would see that.”

“…Go fuck yourself.” Audrey told him. She then directed her hateful gaze at Tiffany, Nikki and Sarah all gathered in the lounge kitchen. She stomped over to them and glared daggers. “Which. One.” she growled as a vein became visible on her forehead.

“Um…I MIGHT have told Lilian about it…” Sarah confessed. “I forgot it was supposed to be a secret.”

Audrey was grinding her teeth. Loudly. “Okay, look, Audrey, it’s not a big deal alright?” Tiffany said, trying to calm down her friend. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, really.”

“Yeah, and even if it was, it’s pretty easy for someone like you to get laid if you really wanna lose the V-card that badly. Either way, you should just chill.” Nikki added.

“Oh, like I’m gonna take advice from YOU TWO.” Audrey snarled.

“Well, I don’t know about Tiffany, but you should definitely take advice from me.” Nikki said.

“Why the hell would I do that?” the diva scoffed.

“Well, I mean…” Nikki wrapped an arm around Sarah’s waist. “I _am_ getting more action than you are, so…”

Audrey snarled again before stomping out of the room in a huff. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Tiffany asked.

“After years of listening to her insult my nerdhood? Yes. Yes I am.” Nikki bluntly replied.

“…Is Kyanna still laughing?” Sarah asked.

“Holy shit…..holy shit……” Kyanna said. “I can’t breathe…..” she said before descending into giggles again.

“Uh, I think she needs CPR…” Nora observed worryingly.

******

A knock on the door. “Come in!” Kyu shouted from her desk, Bradley standing beside her as always. Audrey swung the door open and stomped over to one of the two seats in front of Kyu’s desk.

“What do you want, Kyu?” Audrey demanded. Not too long after her little outburst in the lounge, Kyu had called Audrey into her office. Probably to scold her for talking shit about her co-workers. Again.

“Well, a little birdy told me that someone still has their V-card~” Kyu sang. Audrey’s vein pulsed again. _Sarah Stevens, I’m going to rip your eyes out, claw your throat open, shank you in the kidney, Nikki is going to WEEP when she sees you after I’m done!_

“And it got me thinking - Mary Megabitch…de-flowered on live stream.”

“… _Excuse_ me?”

“Think about it, Audrey.” Kyu continued her pitch. “You’ve been one of our most popular girls for a while now, mostly because your act is like a giant strip tease - foreplay! But what the fans want is RELEASE! They want to see you fuck!”

Audrey was silent, being more shocked than pissed, though only just. “Now for the scene setup, I was thinking something rough - it’s important that you maintain the Megabitch persona. Maybe some light BDSM, like you just grab one of the more submissive girls and just fuck her brains out - kinda like Nadia but, you know, more foul-mouthed. Now, Aiko would be the most obvious choice, since she’s always up for getting choked, but I was actually thinking Candy. She’s a natural sub, according to Nadia - turns out she liked that three-hour spanking stream more than I thought she would - plus she’s like a foot taller than you, and watching an amazon get dominated by a short redhead has to be SOMEONE’S fetish, right?”

“FORGET IT!” Audrey shrieked as she shot up from her seat. “I’M NOT LOSING MY VIRGINITY IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PERVERTS!!!”

“Okay, Audrey, I hear ya.” Kyu replied. “But just hear me out……the perverts have money.”

“UGH!” Audrey grunted before storming out of the office.

“…I’ll give you some time to think about it!” Kyu called after her.

“I don’t think she’s going to go for it, Ms. Sugardust.” Bradley noted.

“Shut up Bradley.” Kyu said.

******

Filming her scenes went better than expected. It was easy to say scornful things into the camera when you were already good and pissed at everyone and everything. So much the better if the blue-haired cunt behind the camera had started taking to cracking virgin jokes around you. Her shift couldn’t end soon enough though. All Audrey wanted to do was head to the nearest bar and ingest as much alcohol as humanly possible. After the day she just had, death by alcohol poisoning didn’t sound so bad.

Unfortunately, that’s when Jessie Maye walked up to her in the changing room as she was getting dressed to check out. “So. Any plans tonight?” the older woman asked.

“What’s it to _you_?” Audrey hissed.

“Easy. I’m a friend.” Jessie said. “I was just about to head out for drinks with some of the girls and thought that maybe you’d want to join us.”

Audrey scoffed. It was a common thing for Jessie to go get drinks with the older Hunies after work. “Why would I join you hags?”

“Because after today, you’re desperately in need of alcohol and we’re buying.”

“…”

*******

“Can’t believe I agreed to this.” Audrey grumbled as she looked out the window of the minivan (a fucking minivan) that drove through downtown Glenberry. “Where are we even going?”

“One of our favorite watering holes - Buddy’s.” Jessie said. “It’s a total dive, but there’s always some fine pickings there…”

“Pickings?” Audrey asked.

“Correct. You see, we are not just going out drinking.” Nadia explained from the backseat. “We are going nymphing.”

“Nymphing? The fuck is that?” Audrey demanded.

“Named for nymphs of old.” Nadia explained. “Female creatures that crave sex. They frolic and fondle each other, and lure young men into their lairs, where they have their way with them in orgies of lust and debauchery.”

“…What?” Audrey asked.

“Basically, we go to cheap bars, we all flirt with a guy or two as a group, then we take them into the backseat of this van and fuck ‘em.” Aiko clarified.

“What the fuck?!” Audrey would’ve jumped out of her seat were it not for the seatbelt. “I’m not fucking doing that!”

“I told you she was not ready.” Nadia scolded Aiko.

“Relax, kid. You don’t have to join in on the minivan miniorgy if you don’t want to.” Aiko assured. “We’ll just help you find a cute guy, play wing-woman for a bit, and we’ll leave the rest to you.”

“Wait, you mean to tell me you only invited me to try and get me laid?” Audrey asked.

“Um, yeah?” Aiko asked, failing to see the problem. “I mean, after all the shit Nikki and Kyanna gave you today, this is the best way to shut ‘em up.”

Audrey only grumbled in reply. “Don’t worry, kid We’ll find you a good one. Trust us.” Aiko said with a wink.

*********

Jessie wasn’t kidding when she called this place a dive - a couple arcade machines, a dirty pool table, and a karaoke machine being used by people who have no business using it. Least there was a decent crowd - mostly working class people, though. Wearing overalls and shit, like they all just got off work. Audrey couldn’t suppress the scowl on her face. Was she really going to lose her virginity to one _these_ losers?

She was sitting at a booth table with Jessie, Aiko and Nadia. They all sipped from their drinks as they eyed the crowd like a pride of lionesses observing a herd of wildebeest before picking a target and going in for the kill. Aiko was wearing a tight red sweater that accentuated her large bust. Nadia was wearing her favorite formal outfit - a low-cut black dress with white gloves that went up to her elbows. And of course, Jessie was wearing her signature leopard print low-cut top. Audrey looked down to her own dress, a purple number with white ribbons going down the front.

“A bit overdressed for a place like this, don’t ya think?” Aiko asked.

“Hey - I stand out, don’t I?” Audrey asked. She knew she probably stuck out like a sore thumb in this outfit, but the way she saw it, she was like a beacon in the darkness - the only bit of sunlight these bottom-dwellers could ever hope to see.

 _If anyone could fucking see me, that is._ Audrey looked around, dissatisfied with their booth seat - located nearly in the back of the bar in a dark little corner. “Why the fuck are we all the way back here? The party’s over there!” Audrey said as she pointed to the bar counter.

“Patience, young one.” Aiko replied. “If women like us head up there, we’ll just scare them off.”

“Da. We can be quite intimidating.” Nadia adds.

“So, we sit here and wait.” Aiko went on. “The only guys who dare approach us will be the ones with enough balls to approach four beautiful women at once. _Those_ are the ones worth taking back into the van.”

“ _If_ any guys show up.” Audrey said. She didn’t like the idea of sitting here just waiting and hoping some guy will be brave enough to approach.

“Alright, hun.” Jessie said. “It’s a bit early, but for you, we’ll throw out a lure. Aiko?”

“On it.” Aiko replied before downing the rest of her sake and standing up to approach the crowd.

“Aiko’s the most approachable one out of the group, so her job will be to zero in on a nice guy, and bring him over here…” Jessie explained.

“What do you mean SHE’S the most approachable?” Audrey asked.

“…Uhm….” Jessie wasn’t quite sure how to answer that.

“Ooooooh, look.” Nadia said as she pointed to Aiko chatting up a rather handsome young man. “We may have one already…”

The young man that Aiko came back with looked good enough - tall, tanned, well-groomed beard. “Jeremy. These are my friends I told you about. Jessie, Nadia, and Audrey.” Aiko said as she pointed to each of the girls. Audrey smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and gave him her most seductive ‘buy me a drink’ smile.

“Howdy, ladies.” Jeremy greeted.

Wait. Howdy? What the fuck? Why’d he say howdy? What was he, some kind of cowboy? A redneck? Oh fuck, he’s one of those freaks that fucks his cousin, isn’t he? No thanks. “Howdy you cousin-fucking hillbilly? Keep walking.” Audrey hissed.

Jeremy ‘yiped’ and slunk out of Aiko’s grasp and back into the crowd. Aiko turned back to Audrey and put her hands on her hips, scowling at the younger Hunie. “Audrey! He was cute!”

“He was a fucking _bumpkin._ ” Audrey said. “I’m not losing my virginity to a redneck with an incest fetish.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll go get another one…” Aiko sighed as she went back into the crowd.

******

“Hello, ladies.” said an African-American Gentleman in a voice as smooth as molasses.

“Um, hello loser.” Audrey greeted back.

******

"I hope you girls aren't afraid of snakes..." said a punk rock dude with an a ball python around his neck.

"No, but I am afraid of salmonella." Audrey deadpanned as she glared at the snake.

******

"So, any of you girls played Dungeons and Dragons?" asked a very nerdy young man.

"Do I LOOK like Nikki to you, Aiko? Next!"

******

“Top of the evenin’ to ya ladies! My name is Jack and welcome-“

“Next!”

******

“Hello everybody! My name is Mark and-“

“Next!”

******

"What's up, ladybros?" asked a Swedish man whose eyes looked like they were trying to escape his skull.

"Oh, DEFINITELY next." Audrey sneered.

******

“Okay, Audrey.” Aiko said after taking a seat next to Audrey after the redhead chased off the 11th guy in a row. “I get that ‘perfect bitch’ is your default mode, but if you’re serious about getting laid, maybe you should town it down a little.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Aiko. It’s just that, unlike you, I have _standards._ ” Audrey growled in reply.

“Well, now we know why you’re a virgin.” Aiko said. “Audrey, this may come as a surprise to you, but growling out insults at every guy who so much as looks it you is kind of a turn-off to most guys.”

“Um, excuse you? The 300 guys who watched my stream today beg to fucking differ.” Audrey boasted.

“Hey, there’s an idea! Maybe one of your fans can fuck you - not only would they love it, it’s great for your profile!” Jessie said.

“Yeah, great idea Jess!” Aiko said. “We could talk to Kyu about it, turn it into some kind of sweepstakes-“

“Um, I should think fucking not!” Audrey protested. “I’m not some piece of whore meat up for auction!”

“I think I’m understanding problem.” Nadia interjected. “And I have idea. Audrey - you don’t want to fuck just anyone. You want something romantic and intimate, yes?”

“What’s it to you?” Audrey asked.

“I can loan you my husband.” Nadia said.

“…Okay, time the fuck out, YOU’RE married?” Audrey demanded.

“Da.” Nadia said with a nod.

“And you’re saying I can….fuck your husband?” Audrey asked, not entirely sure if she was following.

“Sergei and I are what you Americans call ‘swingers.’” Nadia explained. “He was the one who encouraged me to join Huniepop. He loves watching me dominate others.”

“Um, no fucking thanks.” Audrey said.

“I dunno, kid.” Aiko said. “I’ve met Sergei once and he’s pretty easy on the eyes. Plus, it’s either him or one of those losers.” She pointed to the crowd, a gaggle of man were cheering on one big dude with a beer gut chugging down a whole keg of beer.

Audrey sighed in defeat. “Let’s go, Nadia.”

*****

As Aiko and Jessie found Jeremy again and lured him into the back of the minivan, Nadia called herself and Audrey a cab and took it back to Nadia’s place. It was an upscale apartment, not far from her own neighborhood, she noted. Nadia must’ve been very wealthy, which made sense. Between Huniepop and being a professional escort, Nadia probably makes more than enough money to afford the finer things in life.

They ascended the elevator to the fifth floor where Nadia’s apartment was. Audrey gathered her courage as the Russian unlocked the door and stepped inside. It was far from the sex dungeon that Audrey was expecting. If anything, it reminded her more of her grandma’s place. Doilies covering the fuzzy couch and the fine oaken tables and hutches, an old record player, even an Honest-to-Fuck grandfather clock ticking away in the corner. It was so clean that Audrey felt hesitant to touch anything for fear of making it dirty.

Sitting on the couch was a tall and lanky guy with glasses and short blonde hair. He looked up from his book to Nadia as he walked in and smiled. He walked and took Nadia in a hug and a kiss on her cheek. “Добро пожаловать домой, дорогая.” he greeted. “How did nymphing go?”

“Not well. Audrey’s standards are high. Which is why I brought her here.” Nadia explained. She turned to Audrey. “This is my beloved husband, Sergei.”

“Hello.” Sergei said with a wide smile. His Russian accent was somehow even thicker than Nadia’s. Audrey could barely even understand him. Still, he was cute. And it looked like he actually bathed this morning, which put him a step above most of the guys at the bar. Maybe this could work…

“Is little Vasili asleep?” Nadia said.

“Put him to bed two hours ago.” Sergei replied. “We have the night to ourselves.”

Nadia chuckled as she took both Sergei and Audrey towards the bedroom. “Do not worry, Audrey. Our room is soundproofed, so you and Sergei can make as much noise as you wish.”

Sergei blushed at that. “You are…loaning me out tonight?”

“Yes.” Nadia said. “Audrey shall be your mistress tonight. You shall obey and respect her as you would me. Understood?”

Sergei swallowed a lump in his throat as his blush intensified. “Да моя госпожа.” he replied.

“Good.” Nadia said as she opened the door to the bedroom. True to her word, the walls and ceiling were lined with a red foam-like material as if it were a large recording booth. Nadia walked over to the large and luxurious-looking four-poster bed and pulled a black box out from under it. She opened it to reveal many different types of weird-looking sex toys. She took out a collar and leash and walked back over to Sergei. After affixing the collar to Sergei’s neck, she placed the leash in Audrey’s hand.

“Um, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” Audrey asked.

“Whatever you want.” Nadia cryptically answered. She placed the box’s other contents on the bed - a pair of handcuffs, a cat-o-ninetails, nipple clamps…

“Is that a fucking strap-on?” Audrey asked. Sergei said nothing, but simply blushed.

“Da. You may use it, if you wish. As well as all the other tools you see before you.” Nadia said as she walked over to the dresser. She pulled a bottle of wine and a wine glass out of the cabinet above and poured herself a drink. She turned to Audrey and Sergei and smirked as she gazed at them hungrily, sipping the wine as she did so.

“…Uh, now what?” Audrey said as she put her hands on her hips.

“Fuck him.” Nadia bluntly said.

“Woah, like right now?” Audrey asked as she developed a blush to match Sergei’s, though it was born more out of embarrassment than arousal. “In fucking front of you?!”

“I like to watch.” Nadia said.

“Yeah, _no._ For one, I’m off the clock, so I’m not a performer right now. Second, I’m not losing my virginity in front of a live studio audience.” Audrey stated in no uncertain times.

Nadia pouted. “Pity. But I shall respect your wishes.” the Russian woman said as she left the room. Audrey was now left alone with Sergei. She looked down and almost jumped at the large bulge looking like it was about to burst from his pants.

“Holy shit!”

“What?” Sergei asked.

“The fuck is that?” Audrey demanded as she pointed to his crotch.

“My…cock?” Sergei asked.

“Jesus, what does that bitch feed you?” Audrey muttered to herself.

Sergei only blushed in reply. “So…you may do as you wish with me…” he softly said.

Audrey eyed the Russian man closely. She circled around him, observing every inch of him. “So, you’re Nadia’s husband, huh? Well, I can see why she likes you. You’re a total twink.”

She grabbed his shirt and lifted it up, revealing his abs. She whistled. “At least you're a ripped twink.” She let his shirt back down and took his glasses off, giving her a better look at those baby blues. “Pretty cute too…”

She set the glasses down on the nightstand as she idly twirled the leash around in her hand, staring at the tall man, analyzing him. Judging him. Trying to decide if this was really someone worth fucking. The bulge in his pants only seemed to grow larger as he stood there. He averted eye contact, his blush intensifying as his hands balled into fists. Audrey smirked. “This is really turning you on, isn’t it?”

Sergei only nodded. Audrey smiled deviously. “Fucking pervert. Bet Nadia does this a lot.” she said as she walked over to the toys on the bed. “She brings home whores for you to fuck…” She picked up the strap-on and examined it. “Or for them to fuck you.”

“Da…” Sergei said with a nod.

“You love it, don’t you?.” Audrey said as she dropped the strap-on on the bed. “No wonder you married Nadia. All the sex you could ever want, and you don’t even need to work for it. She brings them right to you.”

“Da…” Sergei gasped, his blush intensifying. He was redder than a beet at this point.

“Bet you don’t even care what the girls look like. Fat, skinny, old, young, all you want are holes you can stick your dick in. Because that’s all men like you know how to do. You’re like a dog.” Audrey paused. “Get down on your hands and knees.”

Sergei did as instructed, dropping onto the floor before Audrey, almost like she was worshipping her. “Fuck, you even look like a dog when you do that.” Audrey chuckled, now fully channeling her megabitch persona. “Dogs only know how to eat, sleep, and fuck. Oh, they’re also dumb as shit and do whatever you tell them to. Now I see why Nadia married you - she gives you command after command and you just obey her blindly like the dumb dog you are.”

“О Боже…” Sergei gasped as he shuddered. “Я тупая собака, которая просто хочет трахаться. Пожалуйста, позволь мне -“

“Hey!” Audrey snapped. “This isn’t Russian 101! Speak English!”

“Yes! Sorry!” Sergei whimpered. “I just want to fuck! Doggy wants to fuck!”

"I didn't hear you!" Audrey grabbed his hair and pulled his head up, looking right in the eye. “Does Doggy wanna fuck?!”

“Yes!”

She slapped him across the face. “Louder!”

“YES!!!”

…

“…Yeah, no, I’m not doing this.” Audrey said as she let go of his hair and his leash, letting his head thump onto the floor.

******

After Audrey decided that this shit was way too fucking weird, Nadia graciously offered to relieve her husband’s tensions after Audrey got him so worked up. Not willing to call a cab home, the redhead had to sleep on the damn couch that night. At least it was a comfy couch. She was also grateful that the bedroom was soundproof - she didn’t want to have to hear Nadia and that freaky husband of hers fuck.

Seriously, was he actually getting off on all that shit she was saying to him? Fuck, is that what most of her fans are like? She was suddenly glad that there was a screen between her and them. Seeing that kinda shit up close and personal was just way too weird for her.

The next morning, she officially met Sergei and Nadia’s son, Vasili. She found it a little funny that a five-year-old had better mastery of the English language than either of his parents. As Sergei took off to drop Vasili off at Kindergarten, Nadia offered to drive Audrey to work. The drive was long and awkward.

“So, Sergei enjoyed your words very much last night.” Nadia said. “And it seemed like you were enjoying yourself as well, up until you lost your nerve.”

“Shut up, Nadia.” Audrey growled.

“It’s alright, дорогой.” Nadia said, using the Russian word for ‘darling’ (free Russian lesson for you - you’re welcome). “It was your first time being a dom. Finding it a little strange is nothing to be ashamed of. But you are a _natural_ at it. You know, Sergei and I are part of this club-“

“I said shut up!” Audrey snapped. “Just….I don’t wanna talk about it!”

“Alright, alright.” Nadia said as they reached the studio.

******

Audrey’s first stream of the day wouldn’t be for another couple of hours, so she went to the employee lounge for coffee. After pouring herself a cup, and then pouring a little vodka into it, she drank that shit up and started snacking on donuts. _And that’s breakfast._ she thought to herself as she flopped onto the couch.

“Hey Audrey.”

“Holy shit what the fuck!” Audrey snapped as she jumped and saw Tommy sitting on the other side of the couch. “Don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry.” Tommy said as he briefly dipped his head in shame. “So, how did last night go?”

“Fucking terrible!” Audrey shouted. “First, Jessie, Aiko, and Nadia dragged me to this total dive to try to hook me up, but all we found were losers! Then Nadia tried to make me fuck her husband, but I noped right out of there! God! These bitches thought I wanted to give my virginity to some random drunk or some freakzoid in bondage gear, but fuck that! I wanna…..I wanna…..”

“Give it to someone special?” Tommy asked.

Audrey’s anger dissipated for a moment as she thought about it. “…Yeah!” Audrey shouted as the revelation dawned on her. “THAT’S why I’m still a virgin! It’s because I’m waiting on someone GOOD ENOUGH for it! I’m Audrey Fucking Belrose - I’m not gonna give it up to just ANYBODY!”

“Yeah, and that’s why a lot of people choose to wait.” Tommy replied. “I didn’t have sex until I met someone really special to me.”

Audrey’s triumph turned back into resentment. “Problem is FINDING someone special.” she growled. Then sighed. “Fuck. Maybe I should’ve just fucked the cowboy or Nadia’s twinkie.”

“Hey, don’t say that!” Tommy said. “You’re Audrey ‘Fucking’ Belrose, remember? Since when do you settle for less?”

Audrey blinked at Tommy as he went on. “Audrey, you’re way too hung up on what people think about you. So you’re a virgin. Whoop-dee-doo. So are a lot of people. You shouldn’t have to apologize or try to change something about yourself just because you’re waiting for the right person.”

“You mean that?” Audrey asked.

“Of course I do!” Tommy went on. “You’re one of the most popular girls here at Huniepop! Everyone loves you! And you wanna know why? Because you don’t settle for less. You don’t take crap from anyone. You’re strong, and fierce, and brave. People love you because they look up to you. You embody everything they wish they could be. Someday, someone is going to see that in you and they’re going to love you for it. You just need to be patient, and more importantly, NEVER give up. Because Audrey Fucking Belrose is no quitter.”

Audrey smiled.

For once, she didn’t want to tell Tommy to go fuck himself.

*******

“Alright, BITCHES, listen up!” Audrey said.

“We’re listening.” Sarah said from the couch.

“Mostly cuz Kyu is making us.” Lilian commented. All the other Hunies gathered around the Huniecouch nodded with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

“Here’s the score - I’m a virgin.” Audrey said. “And I’ve decided that I’m okay with it. Because I have things the rest of you bitches and whores lack. They’re called ‘standards.’ You might’ve heard of them.”

Kyanna snickered a bit. “Oh, like YOU’RE in any position to laugh, Delrio.” Audrey spat. “I mean, look at you - YOU opened up your legs for the wrong guy and that got you babied up. You’re not someone for me to envy - you’re a fucking cautionary tale! But hey - thanks for warning me just by existing!”

Kyanna’s snickering turned to growling as she leveled a hateful, resentful glare at Audrey. Audrey smiled, already happy that she had reclaimed the dominant position over that whore. “Anyway, here’s the deal. First of all - I’m not doing any ‘de-flowering’ streams or anything like that. Nor am I gonna agree to any more of your wacky ideas on how to get me laid. No more bars, no more swingers, none of that shit. I’m gonna get laid the same way I do everything - on _my_ terms, and no one else’s. We all clear on that?”

All of the other Hunies nodded. “Good. One last thing.” she flipped two birds. “Go fuck yourselves. Just cuz. Meeting adjourned, bitches.”

As most of the Hunies dissipated and went back to their own business, some of Audrey’s friends (and even a couple enemies) approached her. “Audrey, I’m really proud of you for sticking up for yourself like that.” Tiffany said.

“Indeed.” Zoey added. “Audrey, you are an INSPIRATION. In a misogynistic society obsessed with controlling women’s sexualities, you refuse to tie your self-worth to your sexual experiences OR your lack thereof. Keep rebelling against the patriarchy, sister!”

“…You still smell like Willie Nelson fucked a skunk.” Kyanna growled before storming off in a huff. Audrey smiled at that. Back to pot jokes, huh?

Sarah then sternly stared at Nikki, who then sighed before turning to Audrey. “Audrey…I’m sorry for all those virgin jokes yesterday. I was kind of a jerk.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it Nik.” Audrey replied. “I’m sorry too.”

“…YOU’RE sorry?” Nikki asked. “For what?”

“Last night, a bunch of whores tries to push me into fucking a series of random losers.” Audrey explained. “And fuck, now I know how YOU felt every time I tried to hook YOU up.” She paused and looked at Sarah before looking back to her blue-haired friend. “You really like Sarah, huh?”

“…Yeah.” Nikki replied. “I do.”

“Well there you go.” Audrey said. “You didn’t open your legs up to the first loser to buy you a drink. You decided you wanted someone special.” She gave Sarah another quick glance. “Course, your definition of ‘special’ happens to be a total fucking weeaboo, but hey, that’s just you, I’m not gonna judge.”

“Course not.” Nikki chuckled. She’d been Audrey’s friend long enough to know the difference between a genuine insult and a friendly insult.

“Anyway, that’s how I wanna do it. I want my first time to be with someone I actually give a shit about.” Audrey said.

“A good goal to have.” Tommy said as he gave Audrey a friendly pat on the shoulder. “And I know you’ll find that someone.”

“Come on, Tommy.” Lola said as she wrapped her arms around the man’s arm. “Jessie and I are about to do a scene together. It’ll help if you watch…” she added with a giggle. The woman turned to the redhead. “And Tommy’s right. You will find that someone. Someday.”

“Course I will. Audrey Belrose ALWAYS gets what she wants in the end.” Audrey said as she gave Lola a devious grin.

_I’m going to steal your boyfriend and then fuck his brains out._

Oh yes. She always gets it in the end…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was originally going to end with a moral of sorts, as most of these chapters do. Audrey learns a lesson about how she shouldn't have to lose her virginity if she doesn't want to, how she shouldn't tie her self-esteem to it, and I suppose the moral is still there.
> 
> The bit about Audrey plotting to take Tommy away from Lola was a last-minute idea I had that I really liked. The Hunie cast was starting to feel like a big, happy, horny family, so maybe it's time to introduce some tension before things get too boring.
> 
> I was also hesitant to show Nadia's homelife in great detail the way I did. With Huniepop 2 on the horizon, there was the fear that, if Nadia makes it into the game, then we'll get to know more about her and so whatever I write here will be rendered non-canon. But then as Ryan himself said, "canon" is a very fickle thing within the Hunie franchise so maybe I should just do whatever I want regardless of canon because, pfft, WHAT canon?
> 
> Hoping to get a holiday-appropriate chapter out in time for St. Patrick's Day, but don't be surprised if it ends up being late.


	11. The Rocky Road to Glenberry

_The camera fades in to an image of perfection. It starts at feet clad in a pair of tall, see-through stripper heels. The camera pans up, past bare, hairless legs, a candy-stripe mini-skirt, a perfectly flat stomach, and stopping on a pair of massive tits, barely contained in a bra of the same pink-white stripe pattern as the skirt._

_A giggle offscreen, and a finger motions for the camera to keep panning up. The camera jerks like a man who got caught staring a little too long, before resuming its ascent to the woman’s face. Covered in freckles and painted with pink lipstick and purple eyeshadow, head draped in cotton candy pink hair kept up in two large ponytails. She blows a bubble with her bubblegum, which pops and leaves a mess all over her boobs._

_”Oops.” Candy Crush says with a giggle before removing the gum and sticking it back in her mouth._

_She saunters over to a nearby pole and wraps her arms and legs around it. Her spine flows like the waves of the ocean as she grinds her hips against the pole, sighing as though the pole were a lover whose touch she went too long without. Wrapping one leg completely around the pole and one leg out, she spins around it a few times._

_”Watch this.” she says with a wink. She spins around the pole again, faster this time. In mid-spin, she wraps not her legs around the pole, but her whole belly around it with both feet out. She stops spinning and extending her arms and legs - a classic flag pose. She spins again, going back to the one-leg-out pose and eventually settling back on her feet, all within seconds._

_She tucked her arms behind her and grabbed the pole from there as she learned forward, ass grinding on the pole with her tits right up in the camera’s face. She reaches behind her back to undo the straps to her top…_

_Suddenly, there was a knock at the door._

_”Cut!”_

*******

“Honestly!” Kyu said as she stood up from the Director’s Chair. “Why do I even HAVE that ‘pole dance in progress’ sign if people don’t even bother reading it?”

“Do I still take off my top?” Candace asked.

“Keep your top on, Candy. This should only take a minute.” Kyu said as she walked over to the main studio entrance and open the door. At the door was a man with a goatee, glasses, and a very official-looking business suit and clipboard. “Can I help you?” Kyu asked.

“Yes, I’m James Bailey with the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.” the man said as he flashed his official ICE badge. “I need to speak with one of your employees.”

“…One moment, please.” Kyu said as she close the door. “Kyanna! Hide!”

“What?” Kyanna asked.

“DON’T ARGUE!!!” Kyu said as she grabbed Kyanna and stuffed her into the nearest closet. “Nikki! Go find Nora and hide her too! I am NOT losing my boom mic operator _and_ my top suicide girl in one day!”

“On it.” Nikki said as she saluted and ran off to find Nora before she could get deported. Kyu collected herself and opened the door.

“Sorry about that, the place was a mess, come right in.” Kyu said as she lead the ICE agent inside. “I should mention that I double-check ALL of my employees’ immigration records, so you should find that everyone’s citizenship status is in order.”

“Not this one, I’m afraid.” Bailey said. “Now, is there a Ms. Candace Crush present?”

“Ooh! Ooh! That’s MY name!” Candace said as she started jumping up and down excitedly, waving her hand at the government agent.

“Well Ms. Crush, I regret to inform you that you are no longer protected under DACA. We recommend that you prepare for and arrange your departure from the United States.“

“Wait.” Kyu said. “You’re here to for HER?!” she asked as she pointed to Candace.

“Well, yes.” Bailey said. “She’s an illegal immigrant.”

“I am?!” Candace asked, excited.

“No Candy, that’s a BAD THING!” Kyu replied.

“Oh. Uh-oh.” Candace replied.

“Mr. Bailey, I think there’s been a HUGE mistake.” Kyu said. “Candy here is as American as Apple Pie.”

“No, it’s all very clear. Look, this is her profile. She’s been enrolled in DACA since its implementation in 2012. See?” Bailey showed Kyu the clipboard. Sure enough, there was Candy’s picture, dumb smile on all, on a profile that showed that she was, indeed, an illegal immigrant. And Kyu STILL couldn’t wrap her head around it.

“She has no birth certificate in this country, no work visa, no green card, nothing really.” Bailey said. “I’m sorry Miss, but your employee here is about as American as a cheap plastic toy from Walmart.”

“I…….I…….I……” Kyu was still stunned by the time Bailey took the clipboard back from her.

“Anyway, with DACA about to shut down soon, Ms. Crush is among those immigrants due to lose their protection. I’ll give her two weeks to get her affairs in order.” Bailey said before leaving the studio.

*******

“What the hell, Candy?!” Kyu scolded the stripper in the lounge, where the rest of the Hunies had gathered, worried for their co-worker. “Why didn’t you tell me you were an illegal immigrant?!”

“I didn’t know!” Candace replied.

“How do you not know - scratch that, you’re you, of course you didn’t know.” Kyu said.

“Candy, you were enrolled in DACA, right? That means you were brought to this country as a child.” Zoey explained. “Your parents must’ve enrolled you.”

“What? No way. My parents were All-American like me!” Candace said.

“They never mentioned being immigrants?” Tiffany asked.

“Nope! My dad always said that he and Mom were born and raised right here in the good ol’ US of A! As American as baked potatoes!” Candace went on.

“Okay, the guy said you didn’t have a birth certificate, right?” Nikki said. “If we can just find it, that’ll PROVE you’re an American Citizen.”

“The only person who’d know where it is would be my dad.” Candace said with a shrug. “He lives up in Milton.”

“Alright then. Bradley, warm up my car. Jessie, you’re in charge til I get back. Candy, you’re with me. We’re going to your dad’s place and we’re going to sort this all out!” Kyu said.

********

Milton was one of the more rundown neighborhoods in Glenberry, just up the hill from the downtown area. Kyu’s hot pink limousine stuck out in a sore thumb in the rural neighborhood, mostly made up of old, dilapidated houses that somehow still had people living in them. Kyu curled her nose in disgust. “Jesus, Candy. Your dad lives HERE?” she asked.

“Yup!” Candy cheerfully replied. “Man, these place takes me back - so many memories. Look! It’s Mr. Bronson’s puppy!” She pointed out the window to a rotweiler that was barking and slobbering at the passing limousine. “Man, that puppy sure got big!”

“Seriously, when was the last time any of these houses were renovated?” Kyu asked. “I’m getting lead poisoning just looking at these things.”

“There was a reason I became a stripper, Kyu.” Candy replied. “And not just because dancing is really fun. We also really needed the money.”

“Whatever. So which one is yours?”

“Well, if I know Dad, he’s probably not at home right now. Probably down at McGreavy’s.”

“Wait, you mean the bar? It’s 2pm!”

“Yeah, he’s DEFINITELY at McGreavy’s, then.” Candace said with a nod.

The limousine navigated the maze of welfare palaces and eventually arrived at the local watering hole. No sooner did Bradley, Kyu and Candace step out of the car than a large, burly man tossed a smaller, older man out onto the street. “And don’t come back til you can pay your tab, Brian!” the bouncer shouted at him before slamming the door.

“Twenty years!” the older, bearded man who got thrown out stood up and dusted off his trench coat and readjusted his baker boy hat. “Twenty years of loyal patronage to this bar, and look where it gets ye!” he ranted in a rather thick Irish accent.

“Hi Daddy!” Candace said as she skipped over to the old man.

The man drunkenly swirled around and squinted at the stripper through drunken eyes. Kyu noticed his thick beard was a bright shade of Irish red, though with a few hints of grey in it as he was apparently getting on in years. His cheeks also sported a freckle pattern that was very familiar. “Candace? Candace! Me little pink angel!” the man, Brian Crush apparently, gave his daughter a hug. “How’ve ya been, lass?”

“Great, Daddy!” Candace said. “My new job is really fun!”

“That’s good to hear - say, how much does your job pay because, yanno…..”

“Need cash again?”

“You’re an angel sweetie.”

“I can give you some money, Daddy.” Candace said sweetly. “But that’s not why I’m here. I’m in trouble with the government - they think I’m an illegal immigrant! And that we’re not Americans!”

“…THE NERVE!” the old irishman said as he placed his hands on his hips. “WHY, WE’RE AS AMERICAN AS BAKED POTATOES!!!”

“I know! That’s what I said!” Candace replied. She turned to Kyu. “Anyway, this is my boss. Kyu.”

“Charmed.” Kyu said in a deadpan tone. “Mr. Crush, I presume?”

“…Crush! Aye! That’s me name! Been me name since the day I was born. Yes ma’am!” the man ranted.

“Clearly.” Kyu said as she darted her eyes between him and Candace’s dumb grin. It was all coming together now. “So, your daughter is a citizen, right?”

“Right!”

“Awesome. You got her birth certificate?”

“Sure thing! It’s back at me place. Come along, now.” he said as he gestured the three of them to follow him down the street.

*******

The Crush residence was as much a dump as any other house in Milton. The paint was old and peeling, the couches were stained with God-knows-what, and of course, the flies. So, so many more flies than there should be in one house. It wasn’t all bad though - there was a painting on the wall depicting the rolling green hills of the Emerald Isle, and there was a coat-of-arms hanging above the fireplace labeled with a name that is most definitely not Crush. The record was playing a little tune from the old country.

_In the merry month of June, From me home I started,_  
_Left the girls of Tuam, Nearly broken hearted,_  
_Saluted me father dear, Kissed me darling mother,_  
_Drank a pint of beer, Me grief and tears to smother,_  
_Then off to reap the corn, Leave where I was born,_  
_Cut a stout black thorn, To banish ghost and goblin,_  
_A brand new pair of brogues, Rattlin’ o’er the bogs,_  
_Frightenin’ all the dogs, On the Rocky Road to Dublin,_

_One, two, three, four, five_  
_Hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin, whack-fol-la-de-da!_

Kyu and Bradley were sitting awkwardly on the couch while Candace was on the carpet, giving an old Irish wolfhound a bellyrub. “I missed you so much, Finn! Yes I did! Yes I did!”

“…Candace, are you SURE you’re American?” Kyu asked, the signs becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

“Sure am!” Candace said. “That’s what Daddy told me all my life!”

“And you believe him?”

Candace kept on smiling.

“…Of course you did. You’re you.”

“Okay!” Mr. Crush said as he barged into the living room with a piece of paper in hand. “Here it is! Lil’ Candy’s birth certificate!” He handed it to Bradley. He adjusted his glasses as he observed the document.

“…This isn’t a birth certificate.” Bradley said. “This is a bar napkin with ‘Candace Crush was definitely born in America’ written in marker.”

“…Oh. You uh……You don’t say.” Brian Crush said as he started fidgeting nervously. “Candy, darlin’, why don’t yo go put on some tea?”

“Sure thing, Daddy!” Candace said as she made her way to the kitchen. Once she was out of the room, Brian sat down on the opposite arm chair.

“Okay, I’ve got a confession to make…” Brian said. “And I’d rather not have Candy hear this…but I’m not American.”

“You don’t say.” Kyu deadpanned.

“After me wife, God rest her soul, died in child birth, me and Candace immigrated to America when she was just a wee lil’ baby. By the time me visa expired, I didn’t have the money to reapply. I enrolled her into DACA on day one of its rollout - figured that the Immigration Office might kick me out one day, but at least she’d be protected.”

“And you never told Candace any of this?” Bradley asked.

Brian hesitated again. “Well the thing is……..Candace may be the sweetest, nicest girl you’ll ever meet but, bless her heart and soul, she’s not what you’d call the sharpest tool in the shed.”

There was a burst of flame from the kitchen. “Tea’s almost done!” Candace called.

“She had a hard enough time fittin’ in with the other children. She didn’t need being the daughter of an immigrant on top of that.” Brian explained. “So I always just told her that we were Americans.”

“Well then, we’re ALL in trouble by the sounds of things.” Kyu said. “ICE wants to deport your daughter.”

“They what?!” Brian asked.

“Yeah - DACA’s getting shut down, which means there’s nothing left to stop the government from shipping the both of you back to the land of potatoes, sheep, and political unrest.” Kyu replied.

Kyu then heard a sobbing and looked to the doorway. There was Candace, holding a tray of tea, eyes watering as she looked at her father with hurt in her eyes.

“Candy, how long have ya been standin’ there?” Brian asked.

“Long enough. Is it true?” Candace asked with a sob. “Am…..Am…..I’m not…..”

“Oh Candy Cane….” Brian said as he took off his cap and brushed his fingers through his red hair. “I’m so sorry ya had to find out this way.”

“I’m….I’m……WELSH?!” Candace demanded.

A pause. Kyu then facepalmed with an ‘Oh my God.’

“N-no. You’re Irish.” Brian said. “And I couldn’t find your birth certificate because…..it’s not here. Not the real one, anyway. You were born in South Dublin.”

“And you’ll be going BACK to South Dublin in two weeks.” Kyu said as she rose up and crossed her arms over her chest.

“But I don’t wanna go back to South Dublin!” Candace cried. “I wanna stay here in North Glenberry!”

“Actually, this is more the western part of Glenberry.” Bradley corrected.

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Kyu said as she gave the stripper a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m not going to let the government deport one of my most well-endowed stars without a fight!”

“Y-you’re not?” Candace asked.

“Not a chance! And I’ve got a plan!” Kyu said. “Candace! I am gonna help you apply for American Citizenship!”

“You are?!” Candace asked, her sorrow turning to joy.

“Yeah! Now come on! Let’s head back to the studio and get started!”

********

_In Mullingar last night, I reset limbs so weary,_  
_Started by daylight, Me spirit’s bright and airy,_  
_Took a drop of the pure, To keep my heart from sinking,_  
_That’s the Paddy’s cure, when he’s on the drinking._  
_See the lassies smile, Laughing all the while,_  
_At me curious style, ‘Twould set your heart a-bubbling_  
_Asked me was I hired, The wages I required,_  
_Till I was almost tired, Of the Rocky Road to Dublin._

_One, two, three, four, five_  
_Hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin, whack-fol-la-de-da!_

Beli sighed as she poured over a law textbook she’d borrowed from the library as soon as she heard about Candace’s predicament. The Hunies were all assembled around the Huniecouch where Beli was sitting, law book in lap, trying to comb through current immigration laws for a loophole that will let the pink-haired Irish girl stay in the country. “Kyu, you do realize I only have a two-year degree in law, right?”

“Well, that’s two years more than the rest of us.” Kyu replied. “So you’re kinda the closest thing we’ve got to a lawyer.”

“Candace needs you, Beli!” Zoey pleaded. “She’s being victimized by republican policies fueled by xenophobic ideologies!”

“We can’t let Candy get deported! She’s one of us!” Tiffany said.

“Yeah! She may be a stupid whore, but she’s OUR stupid whore!” Audrey agreed.

“Pleeeeeaaaaase help me!” Candace begged as she gave Beli her best doe eyes. “I don’t wanna live in Irishland! Corned beef goes right to my waist!”

“I’m trying, Candy.” Beli assured, driven on by a friend in need. Then, her violet eyes lit up in eureka. “Aha! A grandfather clause!” she said. “Candy - how long have you lived in this country?”

“Daddy said he brought me here when I was a baby, so…” Candace did some quick mental math. “24 years!”

“25 years.” Renee corrected.

“25 years!” Candace said.

“Perfect!” Beli said as she pointed to the relevant line of legal fine print. “There was an amnesty declared for immigrants who’ve been here as long as you have. That makes you eligible for the American Civics test!”

“Awesome!” Candace cheered as she jumped off the couch and did a little happy dance. “All I gotta do is pass a test and I can stay!”

“Test, huh?” Brooke asked. “Beli, what exactly will the test cover?”

“Mostly U.S. history and government.” Beli answered.

“No problem!” Candace haughtily replied. “History was my best subject back in high school! I got a solid D for my essay on how Abraham Lincoln invented stairs!”

“…Maybe you should let some of us tutor you, hun.” Jessie suggested.

*******

_In Dublin next arrived, I thought it such a pity,_  
_To be so soon deprived, A view of that fine city._

“Okay.” Tiffany said as she clapped her hands together. In the employee lounge, Tiffany sat on the couch with several papers and textbooks in front of her. Candace sat in the adjacent arm chair, looking at all the intimidating amounts of reading. “Let’s start with something easy. What year was America founded?”

“Ten thousand B.C.!” Candace immediately replied.

“…We’ve got a lot of work to do.” Tiffany muttered to herself.

*******

_Well then I took a stroll, All among the quality,_  
_Bundle it was stole, all in a neat locality;_

“While Tiffany educates you in History, I’ll teach you about how the American government works.” Beli said once it was her turn to tutor Candace. “Okay - how does a bill become a law?”

“By giving the manager a blowjob?”

“…”

“What? That’s how I got my first job.”

*******

_Something crossed me mind, When I looked behind;_  
_No bundle could I find, Upon me stick a wobbling._

“It ain’t just the test you gotta worry about. ‘Moral Character’ is very important.” Nora explained once it was her turn. Rather than the employee lounge, Nora preferred dishing out her wisdom in the locker room. “Basically, if you get pinched for committing a crime, your shot at citizenship goes right out the window and they kick your ass clear over the border. So if you’ve got skeletons in your closet, now’s the time to spill the beans.”

“Pfft! I’m a law-abiding citizen! Have been all my life!” Candace said as she held up a hand and placed her hand over her right boob. “Hunie’s honor!”

“…Really?” Nora asked. She then opened Candy’s locker, where entire popcorn-bags worth of white powder tumbled out onto the floor.

For a moment, Candace looked confused. “… _Oooooh_ , cocaine’s _illegal_.”

“Alright, now you’re gettin’ it.” Nora said, happy to see that Candace had a brain afterall. “Don’t worry - I know a guy. He can make it look like it was never even here.”

*******

_Enquiring for the rogue, They said me Connacht brogue,_  
_Wasn’t much in vogue, on the Rocky Road to Dublin_

_One, two, three, four, five_

Candace groaned as she poured over the history textbook Tiffany lent her. It was nearly ten now - most of the Hunies had gone home for the night, save for Nikki and Sarah who, at the latter’s insistence and the former’s reluctance, agreed to stay behind and help tutor Candace in her civics test.

“Okay…” she sighed. “Judicial……..Executive…….and………Lesbianism!”

“…Close.” Sarah replied with a wince.

“Least you got two this time.” Nikki said. “That’s two more than your last guess.”

The stripper groaned. “Can’t I just let the immigration guy motorboat me? That’s how I passed high school chemistry.”

“It’s okay, Candy-Chan.” Sarah said as she hugged the much taller girl. “Maybe you just need a good night’s sleep. It’s getting kind of late.”

“Maybe you’re right…” Candace said as she walked over to the kitchen area of the lounge and grabbed a tablespoon and a bottle of whiskey. “Whiskey always helps me sleep. Ever since I was a little girl.”

“You drank whiskey when you were a kid?” Nikki incredulously asked.

“My dad would slip a tablespoon of it into my chocolate milk every night before bed.” Candace replied as she sipped the spoon’s worth of liquor. “Always knocked me right out.”

“That…..actually explains a lot about you, Candy.” Nikki replied.

*******

_Hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin, whack-fol-la-de-da!_

Candy grunted as she took our her earbuds and stopped the music. She was hoping that listening to some music would help motivate her during her montage, but so far it was just distracting.

It was Tommy and Lola’s turn to tutor Candy that night. As Tommy was in the kitchen cooking dinner, Lola was tutoring Candace on the economic boom of the 1980’s, hoping that something a little more historically recent would be easier for the pink-haired girl to grasp. Candace sniffed the air as sizzling meat graced her nostrils. “What’re you guys cooking?”

“Bacon cheeseburgers!” Tommy replied as he checked on the meat patties in the oven before taking some more bacon strips out of the pan.

“We decided to make this meal as American as possible.” Lola joked. “Hopefully it’ll motivate you to pass this test and stay in this country.”

“Yeah….or it’ll make a good last American meal before I have to eat boiled cabbage for the rest of forever.” Candace said, despondent at how little progress she was making in her studies. “Lola, you used to be a stewardess. Flew all around the world, right? Have you ever been to Ireland?”

“I’ve had a few layovers in Dublin, yes.” Lola answered. “Ireland is a beautiful country. Ancient castles. Rolling green hills.”

“Yeah, Daddy said the same thing.” Candace replied. “I’ve been asking him about what Ireland was like. He said that it was a nice country, but it wasn’t really safe. Something he called ‘the Troubles with a capital T.’”

“I’ve heard about that.” Lola said. “Terrorism in Northern Ireland. Violence between UK loyalists and Irish nationalists. That’s why your father came to this country - to get you away from all that.”

“But that’s all over, right?” Candace asked. “It’s safe there now?”

“Safer than it was before, definitely.” Lola replied.

“That’s good…” Candace said as tears formed in her eye. “Maybe….maybe living in Ireland won’t be so bad. There’s worse places I could get deported to, I guess.”

Lola paused. Then she closed the book and took the pink-haired girl into a hug. “You’re not going anywhere.” she stated. “You have friends here, Candace. A home. A _life_.”

“But this test…” Candace sobbed as she hugged Lola back.

“Hey, none of that.” Lola assured her. “Don’t forget, you’re Irish, remember? Your ancestors came here a hundred years ago in search of a better life, and endured decades of prejudice and hardship to find it. If they can do it, you can do it.”

“But…I’m dumb!” Candace said, in a rare moment of self-awareness. “I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed! I’ve known all my life! I’m as dumb as the day is wide!”

“That’s not true.” Tommy said as he entered the living area with plates full of delicious burgers. “I saw your last pole-dancing video. You were amazing!”

“That doesn’t make me smart, though.” Candace said as she broke away from the hug.

“But it does! Think about it.” Tommy said as he sat on Candy’s other side, opposite Lola’s. “Dancing isn’t easy. You have to practice and memorize your routines, don’t you?”

“Sure.” Candace replied with a shrug.

“Well that’s what this is - practicing and memorizing stuff. Only instead of dance moves, it’s random facts about American stuff.” Tommy explained. “You’re smart, Candace. You’re just a different kind of smart.”

“Wow.” Candace said. “I’ve never been called smart before…”

She looked down at the textbook still in her lap. Her friends’ words of encouragement filled her with determination.

Alright then. She’ll do it. Her friends believed in her. Daddy believed in her. If her ancestors could do it, so could she! 

She will become a real American!

********************************************************************  
Many days’ worth of studying and another montage later…  
********************************************************************

“What year did the founding fathers sign the declaration of independence?”

“1776!”

“How does a bill become a law?”

“Through intense debate in either the House of Representatives or the Senate! If passed, it moves on to the other house of Congress. Finally, it must be signed by the sitting president!”

“Name the three branches of government!”

“Legislative, executive, and judicial!”

“What caused the Civl War!”

“Slavery! A black mark on the history of this nation with after-effects that linger to this day, including the oppression of African-Americans and statues honoring Confederate war heroes that exist not to remember history, but to intimidate black citizens!”

Zoey puffed her not-nearly-as-large-as-Candy’s chest in pride. “I taught her that one.”

“Okay, last question. Who’s the current president?”

“John Cena!”

The Hunies looked at Candace, who just gave them all that dumb, self-confidant, lovable smile she always had. “…Four out of five ain’t bad.” Kyanna said.

“She’s as ready as she’ll ever be, I think.” Tiffany agreed.

“Alright then. Bradley, warm up my car. We’re taking Candace down to the immigration office!” Kyu proclaimed.

*******

The limousine dropped Candace off at the end of the street from the Glenberry Immigration Office. “You ready, Candy?” Kyu asked as she and Candace got out of the car.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Candace replied. About to step into a government office, Candace was wearing the most formal thing she had - a purple cashmere sweater with a heart-shaped hole in it that provided an excellent boob window.

“Alright. Let’s go naturalize you!” Kyu said as she marched down the street with the stripper in tow.

“But I don’t do watersports, Kyu!”

“Not what I meant by ‘naturalize’, Candy.”

As they approached the office, they saw a small group of protesters holding signs outside the office. Candace couldn’t quite tell who they were, their red, white and black symbols being very unfamiliar to her. Kyu seemed to recognize who those strange men were right away though, and groaned. “Oh God…”

“What?” Candace asked.

“It’s the Glenberry Nazis.” Kyu answered. “Just ignore them.”

“AMERICA IS A WHITE NATION!”

“WE MUST SECURE A FUTURE FOR WHITE CHILDREN!”

“WE WILL NOT BE BRED INTO EXTINCTION!”

“Are they part of the test?” Candace asked.

“Only the part where we kicked their asses in the forties.” Kyu said as the two finally arrived at the office front door and stepped through. The lobby was filled with all kinds of people - hispanic people, asian people, and one young lady who seemed wrapped in blankets that Candace had never seen before. The two approached the desk.

“Name.” the bored receptionist stated.

“Candace Cru-“ Candace stopped herself, realizing that she had almost used the fake name her father devised in order to better integrate into America. But in addition to studying for this test, Candace had also learned much about the history of her family and lineage. She then decided to proudly proclaim a name that hadn’t been said openly in twenty years. Her _true_ name.

“Candace O’Crush.”

It felt right. Like finally speaking the truth after a lifetime of lies.

“I’m here to take the American Civics Test and acquire citizenship!” Candace proclaimed.

The receptionist handed the stripper a clipboard with several papers attached. “Fill this out, then bring it back to me.” Candy nodded and walked over to take an empty seat in the waiting area.

“…So, yeah. I’m thinking of trying my luck with that Nigerian chick over there.” Kyu said as she pointed to the chick in question. “You gonna be alright on your own from here?”

“I’ve got this, Kyu.” the Irish soon-to-be Irish-American replied with a wink. While Kyu departed to put on the moves, Candace filled out the questions on the form with all the confidence of someone who had no idea that their own doom was just around the corner.

“…Candy Crush?” asked a voice next to her. Candace looked to her left. Sitting next to her was the young lady who looked like she was wrapped up in blankets. The one around her head was purple, while the one around her body was more pink. Her pink-purple eyes widened in recognition. “Oh my - it IS you! I’m such a huge fan!”

“Really?” Candy asked.

“I watch your videos all the time!” the blanket girl continued to gush. “I’ve had so many sex dreams about you it’s not even funny!” She paused and blushed. “Sorry. I must sound so creepy…”

“I’m always happy to meet a fan!” Candy assured as she gave the girl a hug. The other girl laughed in a mixture of horror, nervousness, and barely-restrained lust. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Abia Nawazi.” Abia introduced herself. She paused and started looking at Candy curiously. “What are you doing here, Candy? I thought you were American.”

“So did I.” Candace replied with a shrug. “Turns out I’m actually an illegal immigrant that was brought to this country as a baby. You?”

“Visa’s about to run out, so I need to renew it.” Abia replied with a shrug. “I still can’t believe it’s really you. Seeing you in your videos is one thing, but seeing you here…..in the flesh……right in front of me…..”

Abia shook her head. “Right. Sorry. I’m being creepy again. I will focus on my form.”

“Good luck on your test, Abia.”

“And good luck on yours as well, Candy.”

*******

Candace stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth as she answered each of the questions. Sitting there in a desk, filling in little circles and surrounded by other people taking the same test, took her back to her school days. She remembered having trouble fitting in back then - all the girls called her things like ‘Ditzy Doodle’ and ‘Boobs McKenzie.’ Now she understood why - it was because they could tell she was an immigrant. And she knew now that to be an immigrant was to dare to dream and prosper in a world that tried to keep you down.

And now look at her - working in a job she loves, surrounded by people who cared about her. No longer living in the squalor of Milton, but now living in a very nice upscale apartment.

She thought back to her old childhood home. Her father was still poor. He sacrificed so much to get her to where she was today. She had to pay him back somehow. Maybe buy HIM a nice upscale apartment, or at least renovate the old house. At the very least, she should visit him more often. The day she found out about her heritage was the first time she visited him in a long time.

She snapped herself out of her reverie. She was only halfway through the written exam, plus she still had the oral exam after this. She wasn’t an American just yet! But as she worked, she couldn’t help but think of one of Daddy’s old songs, which was also about a long road of trials and tribulations.

_From there I got away, Me spirits never failing_  
_Landed on the quay just as the ship was sailing;_  
_Captain at me roared, Said that no room had he,_  
_Then I jumped aboard, A cabin found for Paddy,_  
_Down among the pigs, Played some funny rigs,_  
_Danced some hearty jigs, The water round me bubbling_  
_When off to Holyhead, Wished meself was dead,_  
_Or better far instead, On the Rocky Road to Dublin_

_One, two, three, four, five_  
_Hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin, whack-fol-la-de-da!_

*******

“I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

Candace smiled, having successfully recited the Naturalization Oath of Allegiance. The clerk in front of her nodded in approval. He grabbed his stamp and stamped ‘APPROVED’ on her application form. “Congratulations, Ms. O’Crush. Welcome to the United States of America.”

“EEEEEEE!!!!” Candace squealed in joy as she bounced as she stood up and bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, making her breasts jiggle. She grabbed the clerk and hugged him, almost smothering the poor underpaid government worker to death in the process.

*******

Candace O’Crush marched out of that building with her head held high, finally able to call herself an American for the first time in her life. At the end of the street was Kyu and, much to her surprise, the rest of the Hunies as well. They all looked at her expectantly.

She showed them the application form with the word ‘APPROVED’ stamped over it. The Hunies cheered in response.

“Way to go, Candy!”

“We knew you could do it!”

“Let’s head back to the studio and get our DRANK ON!”

Candace was about to walk over to join them, when she saw something in the corner of her eye. She turned and saw Abia across the street and…

And the Glenberry Nazis. Abia was just trying to walk down the street, not make eye contact with them, but the nazis weren’t having it. They followed her, shouting at her slurs so ugly that I won’t write them here because I may be a Huniepop fanfic writer, but even I have standards. Not about to abandon a new friend to the wolves, Candace marched over there with purpose.

“Hey!” she shouted at the racist protestors. “Leave my friend alone you big bullies!”

The nazis, and even Abia, turned toward Candace in surprise. “Candy…?” Abia asked as the girl of her wet dreams came to her rescue like a knight in silicone armor.

“Keep a safe distance, miss.” one of the nazis said. “White women are precious, and we can’t afford one falling victim to this savage.”

_The boys of Liverpool, When we safely landed,_  
_Called meself a fool, I could no longer stand it_

“She’s not a savage! She’s an American!” Candace shouted.

“If she’s a REAL American, she needs to stop dressing like the enemy!” one of the nazis shouted as he reached to rip the veil off of Abia’s head.

With incredibly fast reflexes, Candy’s hand caught the nazi’s wrist just before it reached Abia’s head. Candace stared the nazi down as her hand squeezed his wrist like a vice. “Leave. Her. Alone.” the pink-haired girl all but growled. Candace’s bubbly personality and kind nature meant that she had always been slow to anger. But feeling true fury for the first time in her life…

_Blood began to boil, Temper I was losing_  
_Poor old Erin’s Isle, They began abusing_

“Look at you - standing up for a towelhead.” the nazi spat. “Your ancestors would be ashamed of you.”

That was it. “My ancestors had to deal with people like you when they came to this country over a hundred years ago! NO MORE!”

She grabbed the nazi’s shirt and lifted him over her head and roared in fury, tossing him into the rest of the small crowd of nazis.

_”Hurrah me soul” says I, me shillelagh I let fly_  
_Some Galway boys were nigh, And saw I was a hobblin’_

The white supremacists growled as they stood up, and charged at Candace with fists clenched. This did not go unnoticed by the rest of the Hunies down the street.

“Holy shit!” Renee said. “Our girl hasn’t been an American citizen for five minutes, and she’s already beating the crap out of some nazis!”

“Well what are we standin’ here for?” Nora asked. “Candy’s outnumbered! Let’s get in there!”

“Fuck yeah! I’m always up for knocking some bitches out!” Lilian said as she cracked some knuckles.

“Um, is violence really the answer here?” Beli asked.

“Normally, I’d agree with Beli.” Zoey said. “But seeing as they started this fight, and these are _literal nazis_ we’re dealing with, I’m willing to make an exception.”

“For once, I’m with the snowflake.” Audrey added. “If we can’t knock out these bitches, then what bitches _can_ we knock out?”

_With a loud “Hurray!”, Joined in the affray_  
_We quickly cleared the way, For the Rocky Road to Dublin_

_One, two, three, four, five_

And thus, some of the more violently-inclined Hunies charged into the street brawl to help Candace against the Glenberry Nazis. Thanks to Zoey’s documentation with her smart phone, the brawl would live on in the annals of Tumblr, as few things were more pleasing to the social justice pantheon than the sight of strong, independent women (including women of color) beating the holy hell out of some white supremacists.

Sporting bruises to both their bodies and their egos, the nazis limped off, unable to hold their own against the onslaught of cam girls. The Hunies cheered a second time as they celebrated their victory over neighborhood racism. In the midst of the cheering, Candace skipped over to Abia. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Thanks to you.” Abia replied.

Candace took out a card, wrote down something in pen, and handed in to Abia. “Here’s my number. Give me a call if you ever trouble with those guys again. Or if you just wanna hang out sometime! Us Americans gotta stick together, right?”

Abia nodded. “R-Right!”

Candace smiled. Her first day as a real American, and she helped out the little guy against the forces of hatred and oppression. Her ancestors would be proud!

_Hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin, whack-fol-la-de-da!_

“…Can I feel your boobs?” Abia asked.

“Sure!” Candace replied.

Abia began groping Candy’s F-cups with nervous, yet eager hands, laughing with the same mix of joy, horror and lust as earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The St. Patrick's Day special! And only two weeks late!
> 
> Yeah, part of the reason this was so late was because I couldn't really decide between this concept or a misadventure involving Kyu's leprechaun ex-boyfriend. By the time I decided on this, it was already too late. Part of the reason I was hesitant with this angle is because it required me to do a surprising amount of research on immigration policy, and even then, I'm sure I still got several things wrong. Another reason I was hesitant was a fear that it might get a little too preachy for some people's tastes. Hopefully I didn't overdo it.
> 
> But ultimately, once the chapter's whole plot formed in my head, I realized it was the best option. Not only do I get to headcanon one of my favorite Hunies as being Irish-American like me (which is more than plausible, given those freckles of hers), but it was also a good opportunity to give Abia an early-bird cameo! I still don't plan on making her an official Hunie yet - still waiting to see more of her characterization in HP2. Right now all I've got to work with is "horny muslim girl", but for this chapter, that was enough.
> 
> Also, yes. Candace did indeed lift a grown man over her head. Another headcanon I have for her is that she's not only like, 6'2", she's also CRAZY strong. In Huniecam Studio, she falls under the "fit" category and rightfully so - pole dancing takes strength, skill, balance, coordination, it would probably be an olympic sport if it weren't associated with sex work. Basically, Candy could totally kick someone's ass if she needed to.
> 
> Next episode - another holiday special! No, not Easter. Honestly, it's not even an official holiday. But according to some theater geeks (including a certain wannabe actress among the Hunies), it SHOULD be.
> 
> See you then!


	12. Much Abooty about Nothing

_The camera fades into a beautiful sight - two big black buns, almost pressed up against the lens. The camera pulls away, the gigantic rear barely concealed by its owner’s g-string. The camera looks up slowly, panning over the delicious curves before ending on the woman’s face as she looks over her shoulder at the camera. Renee chewed her bottom lip as she gazed into the camera._

_”Tell me…how long have you been looking at me?” she began as she grabbed one of her large ass cheeks and rubbed sensuously. “Weeks? Months? Years, even?”_

_She shuddered. “I’ve felt it you know. Every time you looked at me. I wondered ‘will today be the day? Will he finally take me aside and take me for his own?’ It thrilled me, the thought that you would just take me in your arms and claim me.”_

_She turns around, revealing that her g-string is the only thing she’s wearing. She closes her eyes and sighs. “I was always too shy to confess my own feelings. So all I could do was dress so provocatively and hope you’d notice. But I’m tired of waiting! I need you! I need…”_

_She sighs. “Kyu, can we try this again?”_

_”Oh for the love of - CUT!”_

*******

“Renee, this is like, the fifth take!” Kyu exasperatingly said. “Tommy’s hard-on has been ready to go for half an hour!”

“And I don’t know how much longer I can keep him hard.” Lola said as she slowly jacked Tommy off set. Being her girlfriend, she was the only one allowed to have the duty of ‘penis operator’ off-camera.

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry.” Renee said. “It’s just…I’m having difficulty with this character.”

“Character?” Kyu asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Renee replied with a nod. “It’s like - I _know_ what she wants. She’s been pining for Tommy’s character for years and desperately wants to make love to him - but I’m just having trouble finding the right words for her to express her feelings.”

“That’s because you keep going off-script! Just stick to it!” Kyu ordered.

“What - you mean ‘Hi there stud, let’s fuck?’ Naw, I can do better than that.” Renee huffed.

Kyu groaned. “Alright everyone, take five while I talk to our leading lady.” As Nikki, Kyanna and Tommy went to the water cooler (the latter of the three still quite naked), Kyu approached Renee.

“Look Renee - while I appreciate you putting a hundred and ten percent into this…..I think you’re taking this too seriously.” Kyu said.

Renee scoffed at that. “If anything, I’m not taking this seriously _enough._ This is my _craft._ How do I expect people to take me seriously as an actress when I don’t take my craft seriously?”

“…Renee. You’re an internet porn star.” Kyu bluntly told her. “Nobody’s expecting Shakespeare out of you.” She turned to Lola. “Lola! You’re up! Renee, you’re done for the day - put on your clothes and go home.”

Renee scowled at the pink-haired woman before going off to collect her clothes. “Maybe people _should_ expect Shakespeare out of me…” she grumbled to herself.

*******

After work that evening, Lola and Tommy decided to invite Renee and a few of the other girls over for dinner down at the most preferred restaurant chain for all adult entertainers - Denny’s.

“God - my agent yells at me for eating this stuff.” Jessie said before taking a bite of her burger. “But he’s not here.” she added with a giggle.

“Be careful, Jessie.” Beli said. “You need to watch your weight.”

“Oh, come on Beli. We’re both categorized as chubby on the site. Just embrace it.” Jessie said.

“Right on, Jess.” Nora said as she took a big bite of her own burger.

“Hey Jessie - I’ve been meaning’ to ask ya somethin’.” Renee said. “Do you think I’m trying too hard?”

“Kind of.” Jessie nonchalantly answered.

“What?!” Renee yelped. “Come on, girl! You’re an actress too! I thought you’d get where I’m comin’ from!”

“I’m a _porn_ actress, honey.” Jessie pointed out. “There’s a difference.”

“Oh what? Just because you work in erotic film, people expect you to not be as good an actress as mainstream actresses?” Renee said.

“Pretty much.” Jessie replied with a shrug. “Look Renee - the fact is, people don’t take porn all that seriously. It’s just something people watch while they masturbate. That’s its purpose. It’s not high art.”

“That’s like saying Beethoven’s Fifth is just background music in artsy films!” Renee indignantly said. “Art should not be dismissed, nor treated as disposable, simply for being erotic in its content.”

“Wow Renee. You sure do feel strongly about this.” Tommy observed.

“Yeah. What’s with you lately?” Lola asked. “You seem more intense than usual.”

Renee sighed. “Look girls, lately I’ve been thinkin’. I’ve been workin’ at Huniepop for months now, and so far, I’ve gotten _zero_ offers for any major acting gigs.”

“Well what did you expect?” Nora asked with a raised eyebrow. “What, did you think talent agents were lookin’ through our videos, lookin’ for the next Anne Hathaway?”

“If they were looking through our videos, they weren’t looking for talent.” Jessie added. “Most people don’t.”

“Look, I get it alright?” Renee said. “Porn isn’t the best place to start for an up-and-coming actress. But…it’s still _acting._ Just because it’s not exactly high profile doesn’t mean I shouldn’t give it my all. From playing the Lorax in Fourth Grade to playing Queen Titania in High School, I have PRIDED myself on bringing my A-game to the set every single day, no matter what my role was!”

“…You played the Lorax?” Nora asked.

“I fucking ROCKED that mustache.” Renee bragged.

“Look hun, it’s adorable that you wanna be an actress but-“

“Adorable?!” Renee shouted as she shot up. “What’s THAT supposed to mean?!”

“Woah, easy Renee.” Nora said as she rose up herself, trying to calm down her friend. “Chill. Jess didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Bullshit!” Renee swore as she turned vindictive gaze on the senior actress. “You don’t think I can be a real actress, do you?”

Jessie returned her gaze. Then shrugged. “Not from working in a cam girl studio.”

“…Then what the fuck am I even still doin’ here.” Renee said. She then grabbed her purse and stormed out of the diner.

“…So, is she not gonna finish that?” Tommy asked as he eyed Renee’s half-eaten pot roast melt lustfully.

*******

Renee began driving downtown, as she often did whenever she was feeling melancholic. As she drove, she couldn’t help but think on Jessie’s words. She was under no illusions that the seasoned porn star had a point - being a cam girl might be good for paying the bills, but it wasn’t going to lead to a _real_ acting career. Why did she even take the job in the first place?

She sighed, already knowing the answer. It was the same reason all the other girls work there - she was broke, she needed money, and in this economy you can’t afford to be too picky about job prospects. It was better than flipping burgers at the Carl’s Jr., anyway. Not only did Huniepop pay better, but it also gave her a chance to practice her acting skills in front of a camera.

Or rather, it would if she were ever given opportunities to act. Half the time she’s just bending over and spreading her ass cheeks to the camera and the other half is spent in live-streamed twerking contests with Sarah (Renee hated to admit it, but that white girl could work it). Actual movies with plot and characters were few and far between, and even then, Kyu often didn’t even TRY to hide the budget and the script was little more than an excuse to string together a bunch of themed sex scenes.

She made some good friends and good money at Huniepop, but the more Renee thought about it, the more she realized it was a dead-end job. She couldn’t shake her ass in front of a camera for the rest of her life. She was destined for greater things - she could FEEL it in her soul.

She sighed again as she found herself pulling into the Glenberry Park’s parking lot without really thinking about it. She liked it here. It was quiet. A good place to really think. She grabbed her coat and got out of the car, feeling that perhaps a walk around the park would do her some good.

Night had fallen on the park, crickets’ chirping and owls’ hooting filling the air while the lamps along the path provided the only light. Renee flashed back to high school where her old drama teacher would take her class out to the forest outside the school on sunny days to recite Shakespearian texts. She was the one who turned Renee on to Shakespeare and really encouraged her to pursue her passion for acting.

It was then that she noticed something odd in the distance - the pavilion where small-time concerts and other community events were sometimes held in the park. As Renee went in closer, she could see an older man, dressed as though a king, speaking on the stage.

Though yet of Hamlet our dear brother's death  
The memory be green, and that it us befitted  
To bear our hearts in grief and our whole kingdom  
To be contracted in one brow of woe,  
Yet so far hath discretion fought with nature  
That we with wisest sorrow think on him,  
Together with remembrance of ourselves.  
Therefore our sometime sister, now our queen,  
The imperial jointress to this warlike state,  
Have we, as 'twere with a defeated joy,--  
With an auspicious and a dropping eye,  
With mirth in funeral and with dirge in marriage,  
In equal scale weighing delight and dole,--  
Taken to wife: nor have we herein barr'd  
Your better wisdoms, which have freely gone  
With this affair along. For all, our thanks.  
Now follows, that you know, young Fortinbras,  
Holding a weak supposal of our worth,  
Or thinking by our late dear brother's death  
Our state to be disjoint and out of frame,  
Colleagued with the dream of his advantage,  
He hath not fail'd to pester us with message,  
Importing the surrender of those lands  
Lost by his father, with all bonds of law,  
To our most valiant brother. So much for him.  
Now for ourself and for this time of meeting:  
Thus much the business is: we have here writ  
To Norway, uncle of young Fortinbras,--  
Who, impotent and bed-rid, scarcely hears  
Of this his nephew's purpose,--to suppress  
His further gait herein; in that the levies,  
The lists and full proportions, are all made  
Out of his subject: and we here dispatch  
You, good Cornelius, and you, Voltimand,  
For bearers of this greeting to old Norway;  
Giving to you no further personal power  
To business with the king, more than the scope  
Of these delated articles allow.  
Farewell, and let your haste commend your duty.

Renee quietly took a seat in the back as the scene played out. She looked around and noticed she was the only one sitting in the bleachers. She knew it was getting late, but was she really the only one watching this play?

And now, Laertes, what's the news with you?  
You told us of some suit; what is't, Laertes?  
You cannot speak of reason to the Dane,  
And loose your voice: what wouldst thou beg, Laertes,  
That shall not be my offer, not thy asking?  
The head is not more native to the heart,  
The hand more instrumental to the mouth,  
Than is the throne of Denmark to thy father.  
What wouldst thou have, Laertes?

Another man, dressed in slightly less royal-looking clothing, bowed before the king and answered.

My dread lord,  
Your leave and favour to return to France;  
From whence though willingly I came to Denmark,  
To show my duty in your coronation,  
Yet now, I must confess, that duty done,  
My thoughts and wishes bend again toward France  
And bow them to your gracious leave and pardon.

The scene continued to play out, and then the curtain fell. Renee stood up off her seat and gave the mysterious actors a standing ovation. “You guys are awesome!” she cheered.

“Thank you, my dear!”

Renee jumped at the voice that suddenly and mysteriously appeared at her side. A young man, wearing a dapper, forest green tuxedo, with a matching bowler hat and a cane made of oak. What were most striking were his eyes - the same shade of mischievous green as Kyu’s, Renee realized. “You actually caught us a good time.”

“Why’s that?” Renee asked.

“Why, we were growing rusty and you caught us at the very point of decadence!” the young man replied. “By this time tomorrow my Violets might have forgotten everything they ever knew. They’d be back where they started - improvising!”

“Well, I’m happy to be an audience!” Renee replied. “Sorry if I’m not the biggest venue you’ve ever had though.”

“Now now, my dear. While we’ve played to bigger, quality counts for something!” Puck said. “We of the Violetblossom Theatre Company bring all kinds of performances. Deaths and disclosures! Universal and particular. Denouement!”

Suddenly, the old men on stage ripped off their beards and wigs to reveal…women. That’s when Renee realized that nearly all the actors on stage were women. “Transvestite melodrama!” the man declared as he motioned to the women in men’s clothing. The women all giggled and waved at the audience of one.

“We transport you into a world of intrigue and illusion.” he went on. “Clowns, if you like. Murders. We can do you ghosts, and battles - on the skirmish level, anyway. Heroes! Villains! Tormented lovers. Set pieces in the poetic vain. We can do you rapiers! Or rape! Or both!”

“Killing rapists WITH a rapier, for the record!” one of the actresses, a green-haired girl, called out. “That way it’s not problematic!”

“Yes, thank you Chloe!” the man called back. “By all mean!” he carried on, turning back to Renee. “Faithless wives and ravaged virgins! Flagranted delicto! At a price for which there is special terms. It costs little to watch, and little more if you happen to get caught up in the action, if that’s your taste and times being what they are-“

“Caught up in the action?” Renee asked. “Like, audience participation?”

“If that is to your tastes.” the man replied. “Although, perhaps you’d prefer to get up on that stage yourself…”

“Oh no.” Renee said. “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly-“

“Oh, come.” the man said. “We are not exclusively players, but inclusively players! Perform a scene or three! Show us your gifts.”

Renee bit her lip. It _had_ been a while since she got to perform Shakespeare. “Ah hell, I’ll do it!” she excitedly said.

“Excellent!” the young man said. “As I said, we are the VioletBlossom Company, and these are my Violets - Stacy, Jenny, Brenda, Katherine, Angela, Ashley, Kalea, Michelle, Ann, Wendy, Timmy, Stella, Jane, Claire, Miki, Cassandra, and Vivian!” he said, pointing to each of the women on stage, who all waved at Renee. “As for me, some call me the Player King. But you can simply call me - “

*******

“Puck?!” Kyu demanded. “You were hanging out with PUCK last night?! My ex-boyfriend Puck?! THE GUY WHO TRIED TO ROOFIE KYANNA LAST HALLOWEEN PUCK?!”

“…Oh shit. Was it THAT Puck?” Renee asked.

Once Renee started talking about her park performance last night with the other girls, it didn’t take long for this development to reach Kyu’s ears who then decided to pull Renee into her office for a little chat. “Jesus Christ, Puck’s little _traveling circus_ is in town? BRADLEY! How did you not catch this?!”

“…Ms. Sugardust, I manage your finances and your employees’ schedules. I do not monitor the activities of your sworn enemies.” Bradley replied.

“Well, you do now, bitch!” Kyu scolded before turning back to Renee. “As for YOU, stay away from Puck, alright? Trust me, he’s a creep.”

“About that…” Renee said. “I actually talked with Michelle and-“

“Who?” Kyu asked.

“Oh, she’s a Violet.” Renee said. “Anyway, Michelle told me about how Puck likes to share his ‘nectar’ with girls at bars, so yeah, he was definitely trying to mack on Kyanna…”

“See?” Kyu said.

“…Kinda like how you tried to mack on, like, half of us when you first approached us with job offers.” Renee observed.

“That was different.” Kyu said.

“You had sex with Tommy the night before you hired him.”

“At least I didn’t try to drug him!” Kyu said.

“You supply him with literal performance-enhancing drugs in little heart-shaped tablets.”

“…Renee, the man is fucking a dozen girls a day. Those pills are the only things keeping him from dying of dehydration.” Kyu said.

“Point is, Michelle told me that nectar isn’t a roofie.” Renee went on. “It’s just a home-brewed energy drink Puck made from vinegar and honey and some secret ingredient. He gives them to the Violets for all-nighters. She says it’s like Red Bull, except it actually tastes good.”

“That’s how Puck works his claws into them!” Kyu said. “With performance-enhancing drugs!”

“Like you did with Tommy?”

“We’re not talking about me right now!” Kyu snapped. “Look - trust me, Puck is bad news. Just, promise me you’ll stay away from him, alright?”

Renee sighed. “Alright, boss. I promise.”

“Awesome!” Kyu replied. “Now get on set! You’ve got a twerking stream with Marlena today, so I wanna hear some booties _clap_ down there!”

“…Riiiiight.” Renee said.

*******

“Ah, Renee!” Puck greeted as the Hunie approached him on the park stage. “You’re back for another dazzling performance!”

“Aw, stop.” Renee replied as they blushed. “So, what’ve you got for me tonight?”

“Tonight we’ll be hearsing a classic. Romeo and Juliet!” Puck replied.

“Ha!” Renee barked out a laugh. “Gimme somethin’ HARD next time, Puck. Now where’s the costume chest - I’m gonna need a blouse.”

*******

“Mmmm….yeah, boy.” Renee said as she twerked in front of the camera so hard that her cheeks began clapping. As Huniepop’s booty queen, it was practically her signature technique.

*******

O, wonder!  
How many goodly creatures are there here!  
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,  
That has such people in't!

Renee couldn’t believe that after years of isolation, her father Prospero is finally allowing her a peek into the outside world! And already, she has discovered love in Ferdinand! She can’t wait to see more of this brave new world!

*******

Lailani peppered Renee’s ass with kisses as the camera zoomed in, observing as the Hawaiian girl began rimming her partner.

*******

We fail!  
But screw your courage to the sticking-place,  
And we'll not fail. When Duncan is asleep--  
Whereto the rather shall his day's hard journey  
Soundly invite him--his two chamberlains  
Will I with wine and wassail so convince  
That memory, the warder of the brain,  
Shall be a fume, and the receipt of reason  
A limbeck only: when in swinish sleep  
Their drenched natures lie as in a death,  
What cannot you and I perform upon  
The unguarded Duncan? what not put upon  
His spongy officers, who shall bear the guilt  
Of our great quell?

MacBeth, tried to argue against murdering King Duncan, but Renee wouldn’t have it. She wanted to be the new queen of Scotland, and she wasn’t about to let her wimp of a husband try to weasel his way out of doing what he needs to do…

*******

Renee opened her mouth and rolled out her tongue just in time to catch Tommy’s seed as he came all over her face and chest. She laughed as she was covered in love goop. “Thanks, baby.” she said as she lapped it up and batted her eyes.

*******

I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield  
upon great persuasion; and partly to save your life,  
for I was told you were in a consumption.

Renee sighed. Finally - Claudio and Hero had been wed, Don John was being taken away, and it seemed like everything had finally worked out.

Peace! I will stop your mouth.

Of course Benedick had to get int the last word and kiss her. The audience of other Violets, along with Puck himself, erupted in applause and Renee broke away as she and Michelle broke off their kiss and bowed to the audience.

“Now THIS is what I’m talkin’ about.” Renee said to herself.

*******

“Renee?”

“ZZZzz…..”

“Renee?”

“ZzzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZZZ…..”

“Yo!”

“Agh! What?!” Renee jumped as she was startled awake by Nora. The chola looked down on the employee lounge couch, where Renee had been napping, with concern.

“You alright, Renee?” Nora asked. “That’s the third time this week I’ve caught you nappin’ on the couch.”

“I…….uh……haven’t been gettin’ much sleep lately.” Renee said.

Nora raised an eyebrow. “Mhm, don’t try to lie to me, girl. You know I’ve got a built-in bullshit detector.”

“I ain’t bullshittin’!” Renee protested.

“Yeah, you’re definitely bullshittin’.” Nora replied.

“Whatever. Why’d you even wake me up?” Renee asked.

“Cuz you’ve got a scene with me and Candace in fifteen.” Nora said. “Kyu wants you on set.”

Renee groaned. “And do what, exactly?”

“Eatin’ each other out, I’m guessing. Standard lesbian three-way.” Nora said.

Renee sighed as she grabbed her purse. “You know what, Nora? You’re right. I haven’t been well lately. I’m gonna clock out early tonight.” she said as she made her way out of the lounge.

“For real?” Nora asked. “Kyu’s gonna flip her shit if you bail on her last-minute.”

“Yeah, well, tough shit.” Renee said. “I’m gone.” And thus, she was exactly that. Nora furrowed her brow as she watched her friend left.

*******

It was late. All of the Violets had decided to go home for the night, while Puck remained, just sitting in audience, looking at the still-lit stage. Sitting next to him was Renee, also quietly taking in the simple beauty of an empty stage.

“…So, whatever happened between you and Kyu?” Renee asked.

Puck chuckled. “I was wondering when you’d ask me that.” he leaned back casually. “It’s not terribly complicated. My dear Kyu was simply a wild spirit - too wild for this classical soul to tame.”

“She always been a party girl, huh?” Renee asked.

“Indeed. I was shocked at first that she chose to live in Glenberry instead of the homeland, but really, it should be no surprise that the fast pace of city life would suit her.” Puck said with a sigh as he remembered happier times. “Didn’t help that, on top of wanting a different life, she and I had…idealogical differences.”

“Idealogical?” Renee asked.

“She and I were once more than just partners in romance. We were also partners in business - we tried to run a burlesque house together, but we had….disagreements on how it should be run. I wanted to keep it traditional, true to the formula that had worked for centuries. But that wasn’t enough for Kyu. She wanted us to have our own website, post videos on Youtube, livestream some of our performances, she wanted EVERYTHING online.”

“And you didn’t?” Renee asked.

Puck huffed and shook his head. “Kyu believed that digital media is the way of the future. Loathe as I am to admit it, she might’ve had a point. Today, hundreds of young performers are using Youtube and other video sharing sites as stages for their one-man performances. It’s even gotten to the point where there are some movies, games, _stories_ that are ONLY available in digital format. You can’t even burn it on a disc or record it on a tape anymore. Gone are the days where a story was something you could physically hold in your hand, as real as the change in your pocket.”

“Man, you’re really not a fan of digital, are ya?” Renee asked. Kyu had mentioned once that Puck was old school, but she never really explained beyond that.

“Can’t say that I am.” he confessed. “The problem is that it’s too reliant on every piece of technology working properly. It’s too vulnerable to interference from both ISP companies and the government. Someone trips on a wire in a server room somewhere, and suddenly half the world goes dark. The internet is far more delicate than people like to think.”

Puck smiled as he regarded the stage, casually crossing one of his legs over the other. “The Theatre though…it stood the test of time. It has survived through wars, plagues, and famines. It’s been here since long before we were born, and it’ll be here long after we die. Digital media is the sand castle destined to be washed out with the tides. But theater is the stone castle that stands over the land for centuries.”

He reached into his pocket and handed her a folded up form. Renee read it over - an employment contract. “We’re about to go on a tour down the coast.” Puck said. “My troupe and I will be leaving Glenberry in about a week. It would be an honor to have you join us, Renee.”

Puck chose that moment to stand up and turned to the Hunie. “Take a good look at that stage, Renee. That’s what eternity looks like.” On that note, he walked away from the stage, leaving Renee with a heavy paper in her hands and much to think about…

*******

“I knew it!” Kyu whisper-shrieked as she squatted in the bushes, observing Puck and Renee’s discussion via a pair of binoculars. “Puck’s trying to poach my talent!”

“But why?” Nora asked. She volunteered to help Kyu snoop and find out what Puck was up to, wanting to make sure that creep didn’t do to her what he tried to do to her cousin.

“To _spite me_ , probably.” Kyu growled. “This isn’t good. Renee is Huniepop’s designated booty queen. The only other ass that even comes close is Sarah’s, and she’s more directed at our weaboo demographic than our ghetto audience.”

“ _Whoa there._ ” Nora said.

“Inner city, whatever. Don’t go all Zoey on me.” Kyu replied. “Point is, we can’t afford to lose Renee.”

“Well, good luck with that.” Nora said. “Renee seems pretty sick and tired of twerkin’ for money and Puck just offered that girl her dream job. How are you gonna convince her to turn it down?”

“Oh, I’ve got a plan.” Kyu said. “Renee wants Shakespeare? I’ll give her Shakespeare alright…”

*******

Before she left for work the following morning, there was a knock on Renee’s door. She went and opened the door to her small studio apartment and find a strange, feminine-looking man wearing a pink tuxedo, pink bowler hat, and sporting a spruce, hot pink handlebar mustache. “Ah, so YOU must be Puck’s newest actress!”

“Uh…..Well, I haven’t really _officially_ signed on with the Violetblossom Company yet, so….” Renee replied.

“WELL!” the young mustached man said. “I’m prepared to make you another offer! My name Kyle Van Bumbleborf, and I represent the Sugarspoon Theater Troupe!”

“Oh no - I’m - I’m not really lookin’ into other troupes right now.” Renee replied.

“Nonsense! Everyone knows you’re the newest acting sensation! That scoundrel Puck won’t stop going on about his latest protege, and I need to snatch her up before he binds you with a contract!” the man went on. “Why don’t you simply visit my studio this afternoon?”

Renee smiled. She knows she shouldn’t blow off work but….oh, to hell with it! Kyu can eat her ass! “Hell, why wait? Let’s see your studio now, Mr. Van Bumbledorf.”

“Capital! Right this way!” Bumbledorf said as he lead Renee out.

*******

As soon as Renee entered the hot pink limousine, she was asked to wear a blindfold. Mr. Von Bumbledorf was so secretive about his business practices, even the location of his studio was a closely-guarded secret. When they finally arrived at their destination and her blindfold was removed, she noted that she was in Glenberry’s warehouse district - the same one where Huniepop Studios was housed. Curious.

Mr. Van Bumbledorf lead Renee into the soundstage inside. It was massive - seemingly taking up the entirety of the warehouse. In the middle of the massive room was a stage as grand as she could’ve ever dreamed of. Dozens of actors in costume waved at Renee and greeted them. As Renee introduced herself to everyone present, Bumbledorf took a seat in one of the audience chairs.

“Right then, ladies and gentleman!” he declared. “Today, let’s rehearse Hamlet!”

“Hamlet?” Renee asked. “Okay, which scenes?”

“All of them!” Bumbledorf barked. “With YOU as the title character!”

“Me?” Renee asked. “I’ve - I’ve never played such a big part before.”

“Ms. Renee, are you saying you can’t _handle it_?” Bumbledorf dared.

Renee balled her fists and put on her best war face. “Someone give me a blouse.” she said, filled with determination.

*******

Because this chapter arrived so late and I’m admittedly getting eager to end it, I’ll make this brief - Renee kicked ass. To be or not to be, Alas poor Yorrick, may angels sing thee to thy rest, she did it all and was an awesome actress, start to finish. As the curtains closed, the other actors and actresses erupted in applause. Even Mr. Van Bumbledorf gave the Sugarspoons a standing ovation as they all came out on stage, Renee included and started taking bows.

“Nice work, Renee! You kicked ass!” Bumbledorf said.

“Thanks!” Renee replied. She paused, then blinked. “…Wait…” she said, recognizing the voice that Bumbledorf definitely didn’t have before. The man took off his bowler and ripped off his mustache to reveal…

“Kyu?!” Renee asked, shocked. The other actors and actresses then started removing their own clothes, revealing their own identities - the other Hunies! Jessie removed the thick, hairy beard that had been glued to her face while Nora and Lilian removed their victorian wigs.

“I’m never wearing a dress again, by the way.” Lilian said. “Next character I play wears PANTS.”

“Wha……what…..” Renee was VERY confused at this point.

“Allow me to explain.” Kyu said as she ascended the stage. “You see, I know you’ve been moonlighting for Puck’s theater troupe.” she began. “And not about to let that cretin poach my talent, I decided to construct this elaborate little charade to convince you that we Hunies take the craft of acting just as seriously as you.”

“You do?” Renee said.

“…Okay, full disclosure, not really.” Kyu said. “In fact, your acting skills blew everyone else out of the water.”

“I didn’t wanna say anything, but yeah, y’all kinda sucked.” Renee commented.

“But you were great though!” Candace pointed out.

“Yeah….she was.” Kyu said. “Damn it. Zany crossdressing schemes always works in Shakespeare’s plays.” she sighed. “Okay, fine. You win. Go sign up for Puck’s theater troupe.”

“What?!”

“No!”

“Don’t do it, Renee!”

“You’d….you’d let me go?” Renee asked.

“Let’s face it - you’re the only _real_ actress here, Renee. You’re too good for a place like this.” Kyu sighed. “Puck’s job offer is your best chance of getting out of this dump. He will NEVER stop rubbing this in my face but…..if you really think this is your next big career move, I won’t stop you.”

“…Kyu, I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” Renee said.

“Beg pardon?” Kyu asked, surprised.

“I only moonlighted with Puck’s troupe so I could scratch that acting itch.” Renee said. “Y’all are my family, and I’m not gonna turn my back on y’all just to go on a road trip with a pretentious douchebag who doesn’t even use a smart phone.”

“Oh my God, _I know, right?_ ” Kyu said. “I kept telling him, ‘Puck just get a smart phone,’ but he STILL uses his fucking flip phone like it’s still the fucking 17th century!”

“But what about your career?” Beli asked. “We don’t want to hold you back, Renee.”

“Oh please - with these looks and this much charisma, there’ll be PLENTY other offers coming my way soon enough.” Renee bragged.

“Buuuuut, maybe we can help you along.” Jessie said as she stepped up to Renee’s side. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said at the diner the other night and discussing it with Kyu and, well, maybe we should put a little more effort into our productions. The bigger ones, anyway.”

“Yeah!” Kyu added. “Schlocky smut is fun and all, but we’re Huniepop damn it! We can go bigger and do better!”

“But….y’all ain’t actors.” Renee bluntly said.

“Well…..maybe you could give us a few pointers.” Jessie said with a wink.

Renee smiled back. “…I think we can arrange that.”

*******

The next morning, Renee took to the camera with her usual enthusiasm. Kyu looked down on her in the office, trying something different - she was live-streaming herself twerking into the camera, while reciting Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18 from memory. She chuckled as she walked away from the window and went back to work doing CEO things…

But not before looking up at you, the reader.

_If we hunies have offended,_   
_Think but this, and all is mended,_   
_That you have but chilled out here_   
_While this fanfic did appear._   
_And this weak and idle theme,_   
_No more yielding but a dream,_   
_Readers, do not reprehend:_   
_if you pardon, we will mend:_   
_And, as I am an honest Kyu,_   
_If we have won askew_   
_Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,_   
_We will make amends ere long;_   
_Else the Kyu a liar call;_   
_So, good night unto you all._   
_Give me your hands, if we be friends,_   
_And Venus shall restore amends._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to be posted on April 23rd, internationally recognized as William Shakespeare's birthday. It was actually the day he died, as his true birthday was lost to history. The original chapter was far more ambitious than this - Huniepop interacting with the Violetblossom Company at large, spoofing several of the Bard's works. But as the deadline approached, I realized it wasn't going to work - it was too big, tried to do too much at once.
> 
> So instead, I opted for a simpler, more focused story. On the frustrations and aspirations of a young actress. I'll be honest, I'm not sure if this is any better, or if this chapter was even any good. If it isn't, you can always just follow Kyu's advice and pretend that it was just a dream.
> 
> This'll probably be the last update to this fanfic you'll see in a while. Partly because Real Life has been hitting me hard lately - part of the reason why this chapter is so late. And second, well, I feel like I kinda need a break from the Hunies. Don't worry - once Huniepop 2 is released and my enthusiasm for the franchise is renewed, I imagine this little fanfic will be reawakened with a vengeance. But until then? Yeah, I'll be taking it easy and playing Monster Prom instead (good game, btw. Strongly recommended).


	13. Huniepride

_”Ugh!” Dr. Fellatio grunted as she shoved aside the papers on the counter. “I just can’t seem to perfect this formula!” she sighed. “Perhaps the academy was right. Perhaps that formula to make semen taste like chocolate IS just a pipe dream. I need a break. ZOEY-TRON! COME TO ME!”_

_”Coming, Dr. Felatio.” replied a monotone voice as Zoey-Tron entered the lab, dressed in a black sling bikini held together by six metal rings. Zoey-Tron was a cybernetic android sex slave of Dr. Felatio’s own design, for whenever she needed to relieve the ‘tensions’ that often came with being a brilliant (NOT a mad) scientist._

_”Service me.” the scientist ordered as she hopped on top of a desk on the opposite side of the room and opened her legs, revealing that she wore no panties underneath her lab coat. Zoey-Tron got down on her knees and went to work, kissing and suckling on the good doctor’s puffy slit as she began rocking her hips against the android’s head._

_Zoey-Tron licked and kissed the good doctor’s pussy, leaving silver lipstick marks all over her crotch as she started probing her cunt with a finger. “Ooooh, shit.” the doctor breathed as Zoey-Tron continued licking her clit as she finger-fucked her mistress._

_”Yes…yes! Keep going!” the scientist was already approaching climax. Ever the loyal automaton, Zoey-Tron continued at her pace, never ceasing or slowing down once. As a machine, she required no rest._

_”Fuck!” the doctor swore as she came. The android all-too-eagerly licked up the juices that leaked out of her creator, and for a brief moment, you could see a spark of true intelligence. Perhaps this was more than just a machine. Perhaps this was a thinking, feeling being with desires of its own._

_As if to confirm this notion, the android and, without being ordered to do so by its creator, kissed Dr. Fellatio on the lips, allowing her to taste her own juices. The doctor didn’t seem to object, as she eagerly returned the kiss._

*****

“Cut, print, that’s a wrap!” Kyu replied. “Awesome work today, girls.”

“That was fun!” Renee said as she hopped off the desk. “I like the playin’ Dr. Fellatio - she’s one of those characters you can really get lost in, yanno?”

“And props to our favorite cyborg as well.” Kyu winked at Zoey.

“Cybernetic android.” Zoey corrected. “But speaking of which, I’m afraid this will be my final scene as an android, as I no longer sexually identify as such. I’m a witch now.”

“…Noted!” Kyu replied, knowing from experience that it was easier to just smile and nod at whatever the millennial says.

“Zoey, you only stopped identifying as an android because _Detroit: Become Human_ got really popular and now androids aren’t unique anymore.” Nikki deadpanned.

“Hey - I’m not going to CONFORM to your societal STANDARDS you fucking MINDLESS zombie!” Zoey growled at the bluenette.

“Hey! Chill! Everybody chill!” Kyu said, once again playing referee - a role she plays so often she should probably buy a whistle at this point. “Nikki, take five then get ready to film the next scene. That goes for you too, Kyanna. Zoey, you’re dismissed for the day.”

“And my weekend off?” Zoey asked.

“Well, you DID take that bad dragon toy up the butt like a champ yesterday.” Kyu said. “So yeah - you’ve got the weekend off, as per our agreement.”

Zoey fist-pumped and all but skipped off the soundstage. This weekend was going to be perfect!

Because this weekend was the Glenberry Pride Festival!

Members of the LGBT+ community from all around the county would be there. Pride marches, rainbow flags, the works! For one blissful weekend, Zoey would be among her people. No white privileged bitches like Audrey, no ruthless capitalists like Kyu, and especially no cultural appropriators like Sarah. No normies anywhere. Nothing but gay as far as the eye can see!

*****

The next day, Zoey got up bright and early. She donned her usual outfit - yellow top, green corset, blue gloves and purple skirt. Oh, and can’t forged the red collar and the red eye contact for her left eye. Some goggles atop her blue hair completed the aesthetic. The outfit held a special place in Zoey’s heart - it was what she threw together for last year’s Pride festival and she loved it so much, she started regularly wearing it year-round. It was like every day was Pride!

God, she was proud to be a homoromantic pansexual witch!

She marched out the door and made for the park. Sure enough, there was the festival. The plan was to spend the morning and early afternoon gathering every gay from miles around, and already there was a huge turnout. Then, at 2pm sharp, the march would begin. A two-hour parade march around Downtown Glenberry! Then, they would return to the park where the festival began and they would party! Indie bands from around the county, all gay of course, would play at the extended concert while gay-operated small businesses would sell hot dogs adorned with rainbow-colored mustard.

Zoey was in bliss as she walked around the park, watching the state’s LGBT community come together to celebrate their identities. Finally, she was free to be who she was, away from all those normies at work.

“Zoey!” cried a familiar voice that made Zoey gasp.

“Rita!” Zoey said as a young hispanic woman came over and gave Zoey a big hug.

“Oh my God, look at you! You’re wearing the same outfit you wore when we first met last year!” Rita gushed.

“Thank you!” Zoey said. “And oh my God, your transition is going AWESOME!”

“Thanks!” the girl replied as she twirled. She wore a long white sundress covered in pink and blue tassels - the colors of the trans flag, showing how she wasn’t ashamed to be a trans-woman, and a damn good-looking one at that. “Come on, I wanna show you some new friends I’ve made. This is their first Pride!”

Zoey’s heart skipped a beat. New gays in town? Splendid! She couldn’t wait to officially welcome them into the LGBT Community!

“Konichiwaaaaa!”

…Oh God, no.

“Zoey, this is Sarah!” Rita said as she excitedly introduced her new friend. Sarah was wearing one of her favorite outfits - blue overalls over a yellow-striped shirt with a rainbow glove on her left hand and various colorful bracelets on the other. Her hair was died for the occasion, with the top of her hair dyed rainbow with blue and pink tufts falling in front of her ears and a pair of big purple pigtails on either side of her head. Sarah gasped.

“Zoey-Chan! I didn’t think you’d be here!” Sarah said as she gave Zoey a hug that she did not at all consent to.

“You know each other?” Rita asked.

“Are you kidding? We work together!” Sarah replied.

“Yes…. _so good to see you._ ” Zoey growled through clenched teeth.

“Oh, that stand over there is selling rainbow donuts!” Rita said. “I probably shouldn’t….oh fuck it! Today’s a cheat day! Be right back, girls.” With that, the trans-girl all but skipped over to the donut stand.

“What are you doing here?!” Zoey demanded.

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

“What _possible_ reason would _you_ have to be at a Pride Festival?!” Zoey went on.

“…My girlfriend?” Sarah replied as she pointed to Nikki, who was coming over with a pair of rainbow dogs. She was only really wearing a white tank top and blue jeans, but instead of a black beanie, she was instead wearing a rainbow beanie.

“Here ya go, Sook.” she said as she handed Sarah one of the hot dogs.

…Oh right. Sarah and Nikki were dating. Which meant she actually WAS gay enough to be allowed here. It made Zoey’s skin crawl, knowing that she would have to share this safe space with Sarah of all people. But it was fine - it was a big enough festival for both of them. Long as that problematic otaku doesn’t say anything else to Zoey for the rest of the day, everything will be fine.

“So, what are you doing here, Zoey?” Nikki asked. “I thought Kyu gave you the weekend off.”

“She did.” Zoey replied. “And I asked for this weekend off to be here, with my fellow gays.”

“Really?” Nikki asked. “You probably should’ve asked for a different weekend off.”

“Why?” Zoey asked.

“Because you were going to be here anyway.” Nikki answered. “We’re all here on business.”

“…I’m sorry, did you say _all_?” Zoey asked.

*****

Part of the reason Zoey was looking forward to this festival was because it was a perfect safe space for her. A haven away from all those normie, _problematic_ co-workers of hers.

Co-workers who were all here now.

Huniepop Studios had its own dedicated stand and, even worse, they were one of the more popular ones. Excited lesbians lined up to get autographs and take selfies with all their favorite cam girls.

“No.” Zoey said as she was feeling a panic attack coming on. “No, no, no, this is NOT right! Huniepop isn’t gay enough for Pride!”

“I mean…up until Tommy came along, it was basically nothing but scissoring, fucking with strap-ons and eating each other out.” Nikki said. “And even after Tommy came along that’s still, like, at least 80% of our content. So it seems pretty gay to me.”

“Plus, most of the other Hunies are bisexual!” Sarah pointed out. Indeed, many of the Hunies were wearing outfits sporting pink, lavender, and blue - the colors of the bi flag. Shit, that’s right - the B in LGBT actually stood for something.

“How did they even get invited here in the first place?!” Zoey continued to demand.

“Huniepop’s one of the sponsors of this year’s Pride.” Sarah pointed out. Zoey paused and took out the brochure, looking at the list of local businesses sponsoring the Glenberry Pride Festival. Lusties Nightclub, Vinnie’s Place, Snowflake Skating Rink…

…Huniepop Studios?! Crap!

“Yeah, Kyu says we’re here to help promote our brand.” Nikki said. “According to Bradley, lesbians and bixexual women make up about 40% of our viewership right now.”

“How?!” Zoey demanded.

“Beats me.” Nikki shrugged. “Like I said before, we do a lot of girl-on-girl stuff. But even then, we weren’t really aiming for the LGBT crowd. It just kinda happened that way. You know, like bronies.”

“Don’t you DARE compare the community I love to bronies!” Zoey hissed.

“Point is - we’ve got a lot of gay fans, so we’re here to meet them.” Nikki concluded.

Zoey trembled with rage as she clenched her fists. This couldn’t be happening. All of her co-workers? Here? Getting _normie_ all over her gay with their _normie hands?_ This had to be some kind of nightmare. She pinched herself, trying to wake up. When that didn’t work, she tried clawing herself.

Nope. This is real. This is actually happening.

“Zoey!” Rita said as she jogged up to the trio. “You never told me you worked at Huniepop Studios! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Rita!” Zoey gasped. Oh no! Her precious trans friend knew! “I can explain - “

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew Beli Buttonz?!”

“…I beg your pardon?” Zoey asked.

“I’ve got, like, the BIGGEST, GAYEST CRUSH on her!” Rita gushed as she lifted up part of her dress. “Look! I got her to sign my calf!”

“Hey - anything for our fans~”

Zoey spun on her heels and there she was - Kyu. Instead of the usual hot pink business suit, she was wearing a blue suit with a bright yellow tie. And instead of keeping her pink hair up in a pair of pigtails like usual, she chose to let it all hang out today, almost reaching the small of her back. The long pink hair, blue suit, and yellow tie all came together to make her resemble the pansexual flag. “And remember - premium members get access to early videos, behind-the-scenes content, and even private streams…” she winked.

“Thanks, Ms. Kyu! I’ll definitely think about it!” Rita said as she skipped off, happy as a clam. Zoey leered at her boss.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking.” Kyu began. “And you’re right - this yellow tie is SO fucking ugly.” She shrugged. “But hey - it’s Pride. Gotta wear your colors, yanno?”

Zoey was all but grinding her teeth at this point.

*****

“Goodbye, problems!” Aiko cheered as she downed another shot of sake.

“Ms. Yumi, it’s only half-past one.” Sarah pointed out. She, Aiko, and Nikki were all sitting at a picnic table, taking a break from signing autographs on people’s body parts. Zoey was sitting with them, struggling to contain her resentment. “Isn’t it kind of early to drink?”

“Hey, we’re about to march into battle. No way I’m doing that sober.” Aiko replied.

“We’re only gonna march around the downtown area.” Nikki pointed out.

“Listen kids, this is my eighth pride parade. And one thing I’ve learned over the years is that you never know what kind of bigots will show up to these things looking for a fight.” Aiko replied as she put away her personal flask.

“Wait, this is your _eighth_ Pride Festival?” Sarah asked.

“Yup. Been a regular attendant to these things ever since I realized I was bisexual way back in college.” Aiko explained. She was dressed in a traditional kimono that sported the bisexual pride colors - purple with blue trim and a pink waistband tied in a bow. “At first, I thought I was some kind of sex freak for thinking both men and women were hot. It was comforting to come to my first Pride and realize lots of people felt that way. Nowadays, I’m free to feel like a sex freak for other reasons!” she laughed at her own self-deprecating joke.

“Woah - you’re like some kind of LGBT elder!” Sarah gushed.

“I’m only twenty-eight, Sarah. Please don’t call me an elder…” Aiko groaned.

Zoey ground her teeth at the way Sarah and Nikki seemed so impressed with Aiko’s LGBT resumé. Zoey was LGBT 24/7! Zoey was ten times more LGBT than all the other Hunies put together! She was the only one to ever talk about gay issues at work. And now, just because the Pride Festival was in town, NOW the Hunies decide that they’re high profile members of this community? How dare they fly pride colors only when it conveniences them!

“March begins in half an hour!” one of the festival barkers shouted. “Get ready to march!”

“The horn of battle calls, ladies.” Aiko said as she stood up. “Come on, we gotta meet up with the others.”

“Have fun!” Zoey said as she waved Aiko, Sarah, and Nikki off.

“You’re not joining us?” Nikki asked.

“It’s my weekend off, remember?” Zoey asked. “Technically, I don’t actually have to march with you.”

“Aw, come on, Zoey-chan!” Sarah pleaded. “You’re part of the Huniefam!”

“Not today I’m not.” Zoey replied.

“Come on, Sarah. If Zoey wants to be a party pooper, let her.” Aiko said as she led her two little gay proteges back to the Huniepop booth.

Zoey sighed in relief. Finally - away from those normies.

“Zoey! There you are!” Rita said as she jogged up to Zoey’s said, clutching a marching flag with the trans flag on it. “Come on - let’s go march with the Hunies!”

“What?” Zoey asked, but it was too late. Her overly enthusiastic trans friend dragged her over to where the Hunies were marching, next to Candace specifically, who was barely even dressed in a one-piece bisexual-colored (say it with me - pink, blue and purple) bikini that struggled to contain her massive breasts.

“Hi, Rita!” Candace said as she waved. Oh God - Rita’s friends with HER too?

“Hey Candy - I found Zoey. Little pan pal tried to hide from us.” Rita giggled.

“Right? It’s like she’s embarrassed by us or something!” Candace replied. Zoey fake-laughed with all the smugness could muster. “Anyway, like I was saying, you would look SO HOT with F-cups, Rita.”

“I don’t know…” Rita replied, being a bit shy for the first time today.

“Oh, come on!” Candace encouraged. “You’re getting fake boobs anyway. Might as well go for broke!”

“Candace!” Zoey scolded, relieved by the opportunity to vent some frustration to lecture someone. “Stop trying to push a pro-boob agenda on my precious, innocent trans friend! She doesn’t need boobs to be a woman!”

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind boobs so much.” Rita replied. Zoey turned to her, shocked. “I mean, not F-cups but……maybe D-cups….”

“That’s the spirit!” Candace cheered. “Go big or go home!”

Zoey growled. She looked around at the crowd around her. By Hecate’s bust, EVERYONE was here. Candace, Sarah, Tiffany, Tommy…

Wait, Tommy? Oh, that tears it. Zoey jogged over to where Tommy and Lola marched side by side, the latter wearing a tide-dyed bi-colored t-shirt. “Okay, now I KNOW you shouldn’t be here!” Zoey scowled at the company’s only male Hunie.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if I should come, to be honest.” Tommy admitted. “But Lola said it was okay.”

“It is.” the former stewardess said as she wrapped both arms around her man. “It’s alright, Zoey - he’s with me.”

“You’re in a heteronormative relationship!” Zoey snapped. “How can you call yourself LGBT?”

“Um….Bisexual?” she asked as she gestured to her shirt. “Just because I’m dating a man doesn’t mean I don’t belong here, Zoey.”

“Well, HE isn’t bisexual!” Zoey argued.

“I don’t know…” Tommy said. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m straight, but I was watching Avengers the other night and Chris Hemsworth….well, I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it.”

“UGH.” Zoey huffed as she jogged off. Fucking posers. At least Sarah had the decency to be in a proper same-sex relationship.

*****

The march proceeded without much noteworthy incident. There were a couple of dudes who were shouting slurs at the marchers, but the Hunies took care of them in their own unique ways. Beli hugged the first homophobe they encountered, who broke down crying because he realized the reason he was so full of hate was because his mother didn’t love him. He promised he would be a better person.

The next one didn’t get off quite so easy. He ran away as soon as Nora just looked at him and walked towards him slightly faster than usual. He tripped and fell into a bunch of garbage cans. Nora laughed. So did the rest of the marchers.

Aside from those little anecdotes, the march went pretty much exactly-as-planned. By 4 o’clock, they were all back in the park just as the stage was being set up. Soon, some of the hottest Indie Rock Bands in the state would grace a thousand gay eardrums.

But Zoey couldn’t enjoy any of that because Rita wouldn’t stop talking about how ‘awesome’ the other Hunies were. She and Zoey were sitting with Nikki and Sarah at a picnic table. “So, Nadia and Sergei fled Russia to escape persecution?” the trans-woman gasped.

“Yup.” Nikki replied. “After Putin came to power and started spreading anti-gay propaganda around the country, Nadia and Sergei figured that it wasn’t the safest place for a bisexual couple to raise a child anymore, especially one with their lifestyle. So they immigrated to the states, Nadia eventually found a job with Huniepop, and the rest is history.”

“Woah, that’s so cool!” Rita gushed.

“Wassup, bitches!”

…No. No no no no NO. Zoey turned around and saw her - Audrey. Here. AT PRIDE.

“I brought pizza.” Audrey said as she slammed two boxes of pepperoni on the table. “And sorry, none of that rainbow shit. I don’t eat blue pepperoni.”

“Honestly, I don’t blame you.” Nikki said as she grabbed a slice. “The vendors went a little too nuts with the food coloring this year, if you ask me. Not EVERYTHING needs to be an edible rainbow.”

“Alright! That tears it!” Zoey snapped as she got up. “Audrey Belrose! You are height L, G, B, or T! Or any combination thereof! I know FOR A FACT you don’t belong here!”

“Jesus, Zoey, chill.” Nikki said. “Kyu made us ALL come to this thing, remember? Besides, Audrey’s with me.”

“How?!” Zoey demanded.

“She’s my _friend._ ” Nikki scowled. “She’s here to support me.”

“Yeah.” Audrey said as she put her hands on her hips. “It’s called being a good LGBT ally. _Cunt._ ”

“Listen here you heteronormative piece of-“

“That’s ENOUGH, Denise!”

Zoey looked up, shocked, that now Rita had gotten up and was staring down at Zoey, reminding the millennial of how much taller the trans girl was. “What is WITH you? You’ve done nothing but give the Hunies grief all day! You tried to discredit Candy’s beauty tips, you were outright _biphobic_ to Lola and Tommy, and now you’re telling a heterosexual that they’re not ‘allowed’ to show support for their lesbian friend? The hell is wrong with you, Denise?!”

“… _Denise?_ ” Audrey asked before howling in laughter. “Holy shit! Your name’s DENISE!!!”

“Rita!” Zoey gasped. “Why would you use my dead name like that?!”

“Because I’m getting tired of indulging you.” Rita huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, by the way? Denise isn’t your dead name, so please don’t trivialize or cheapen that kind of thing just because you find your real name a little embarrassing. Dead names are for trans people who actually transition. You’re just a pansexual with an inferiority complex.”

“Excuse me?” Zoey asked.

“You use your identity as a _weapon._ ” Rita went on. “You use it as a way to fool yourself into thinking you’re better than everyone else. Well, I’ve got news for you, Denise Greene - that’s not Pride. That’s _Arrogance._ This festival isn’t some contest where the gayest gay gets a big gay trophy. It’s not some exclusive club reserved only for the homosexual elite. This festival is about a community coming together and showing each other love and support. A community that Huniepop is a part of, regardless of what you may think.”

“Basically…..you’ve been very _problematic_ today.” And with that, the trans woman stormed off.

“…Woah.” Sarah said.

“Fucking mic drop.” Nikki commented.

“Ha!” Audrey barked. “How’s it feel to be on the receiving end of the P-word for a change, _Denise_?” she barked out another laugh again. “Fucking Denise! I’m gonna text Lilian about this, she’s gonna lose her shit!”

Zoey was still in shock. Her? Problematic? Was it really true? Had she become the very bigotry she dedicated years of her life to combatting?

“I…I need to go lie down…” Zoey said as she walked off.

*****

Having June officially be Pride Month was a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand, the summer weather made it perfect to wear whatever extravagant, even scandalous, clothing you wanted. The downside is because the days are longer, it takes a while for the sun to set, and neon glitter can only really be properly appreciated in the dark. Thus, it wasn’t until 8 o’clock that the neon glow sticks began breaking out across the festival. Some gays had already gone home for the night after a long day of unapologetic homosexuality, but most remain determined to stick around to witness the festival’s finale.

Zoey didn’t plan on sticking around though. Not anymore. The more she cried in that one port-a-potty, thinking about Rita’s words, the more she realized her friend had been right. She HAD been problematic. She was so busy riding atop that high horse that she completely forgot the true meaning of Pride. It’s not about how colorful your clothes were or how many same-sex kisses you’ve had. It was about people coming together and celebrating love, no matter what form it took.

She finally developed the urge to leave the port-a-potty and began slowly walking, as if in a trance. She was heading towards the exit to the park, realizing that a hateful little bigot like her had no place in such a beautiful community.

“…She’s a nice girl, really.”

Zoey’s ear twitched. Was that…Lola?

“It’s just, you know, she gets a little carried away with these things sometimes.”

Zoey followed the voice and hid behind a tree as she saw Lola, and several other Hunies, sitting on a picnic blanket with Rita.

“Yeah, I was actually the same way when I was her age.” Aiko said. “Once I realized I was Bi, I was UP IN PEOPLE’S FACES about it. Like, twenty-four-seven. Even other Bi people were like ‘Jesus, Aiko. June’s over. You can turn it off now.’”

“Zoey-chan’s a good friend.” Sarah said. “She’s smart, brave, and always looks out for other people.”

Zoey clutched her heart. The other Hunies were…sticking up for her? Even after all the horrible things she said? Even Sarah, _Sarah_ , thought of her as a friend?

Nikki side-eyed Audrey, then elbowed the redhead. “Ugh, fine! The Snowflake isn’t a TOTAL bitch.”

Rita looked at Nikki and Audrey with a raised eyebrow. “Trust me - that’s the closest thing to a compliment we’re gonna get out of her tonight.”

“Oh fuck you, Ann-Marie!” Audrey hissed.

“You’re really all willing to forgive her?” Rita asked.

“Pride’s not about to holding on to grudges.” Lola said as she leaned against Tommy’s side.

“Besides - she’s our co-worker. We kinda HAVE to forgive her.” Nikki deadpanned. “Unlike us, you have a choice in the matter.”

Zoey gulped and came out from hiding. She walked over to the Hunies, who all looked up and stared at her expectantly.

“…I’m sorry I’ve been acting so hateful.” Zoey began. “It’s just…I always viewed Pride as being mine and mine alone. My own personal safe space in a world that seeks to persecute me. So when I saw all of you here, it felt like you were all invading my space. But now I realize, Pride was never mine. It’s _ours._ You all have as much right to be a part of this community as I do. Probably more, after the way I’ve been acting.”

Rita sighed, got up, and gave her friend a hug. “It’s okay, Zoey.” she cooed as she combed her blue hair with her fingers. “I forgive you.”

“And so do the rest of us.” Aiko said.

It was then that they heard an explosion, and the festival suddenly lit up. Everyone looked up and saw fireworks, bursting one by one in every conceivable color of the rainbow. Everyone ooh’d and ah’d at the explosives painting the sky with color.

“Isn’t it beautiful, Nikki-chan?” Sarah asked as Nikki cuddled close.

“Yeah…” Nikki said. “Normally, I’m not really a festival person but…I’m glad I came with you, Sook.” she kissed her girlfriend on the cheek.

“Happy Pride, Lola.” Tommy said as he kissed his own girlfriend on the cheek.

“Right back at ya, big guy.” Lola replied.

“Eyes up, Hunies!” Kyu said as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere with the rest of the Huniecast in tow. “Here come OUR fireworks!”

“Our fireworks?” Zoey asked.

“You’ll know ‘em when you see ‘em.” Kyu replied with a wink.

Zoey eventually did see them. Blue fireworks that resembled musical notes. Followed by green stars. Red droplets. Orange crescents. Golden bells. Finally, a barrage of giant, pink hearts. “Wooooahhhh…..” Sarah ooh’d.

“How’d you do that?” Rita asked.

“Oh, you know.” Kyu replied with a wink. “A little bit of love magic.”

As the fireworks continued to burst and light up the summer sky, Zoey found herself developing a newfound appreciation for her co-workers. Perhaps they weren’t the problematic normies she thought they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I said I wouldn't really pick this up again until sometime after HP2 came out, but come on - it's Pride Month! Given how much Lesbianism there is in Huniepop, I had to write SOMETHING for Pride Month. And look - it's still June, so I delivered a pseudo-holiday special on time for once!
> 
> Full disclosure, I'm not really LGBT myself, but I try to be a good ally whenever I can. Plus, with Zoey recently confirmed for HP2, I felt it was appropriate enough to celebrate with a Zoey-centered episode.
> 
> Alright, I'm gonna go back to hiding now. See y'all in late 2018! Assuming the writing bug doesn't randomly bite me out of nowhere again. He does that sometimes.


End file.
